Boston
Hash House Harriers

a drinking club with a running problem

Hash Trash

Missed a hash? Catch up on all the trash here...

| 12/7 "Tora!" hash... whatever that means | 11/30 Love Stinks hash | Balls! Tacos! Douche! Oh My! | 3-in-1 hash trash for 11/22 & 11/23 | Hippie Hash |

12/7 "Tora!" hash... whatever that means (almost 3 years ago)
Tora! Tora! Tora! Hash
Hares: Wiki and Sex the Final Frontier
Pack: Virgin Mary, Just Bryan, Just Mohamed, Just Jeff, Just Swiss Girl who’s name I forget, CPA, Knome, Orgasm Famine, Better late than Pregnant, Five Inch Penalty, Transplant who was at ballbuster this week, Others I am forgetting
Bag Car: Friar
RA’s: Easy to Please, Goat Throat
 
Those of us who chose to hash on this beautiful Sunday gathered at Stoddard’s Fine Food & Ale to enjoy a beer before trail. That being said I don’t think I have ever seen so many glasses of water at a prelube. Those of us who had embraced the spirit of the pub crawl at Ballbuster on Saturday were perhaps a little worse for ware and I for one will admit to double fisting coffee and water instead of beer. The hares were gay remarkably close to on time and once we had sufficiently ingratiated ourselves with the classy patrons of the establishment the rest of us trooped out into the cold.
 
Goat led us through a speedy chalk talk where we explained to Virgin Mary (yes that actually is her name) how to follow the marks to the beer. Once she was sufficiently horrified/ confused we ran off to find trail and ended up rather quickly lost in the Boston Commons. I guess we missed a check back but eventually trail was located and we made our way to the corner of the Boston Garden near Arlington.  Trail brought us through the T station and back up onto the opposite side of the street to a check with about 4 arrows leading off in various directions. We checked what felt like every direction before someone realized we should have just continued straight. A check back 3(?) caused us to briefly lose trail once again before five inch led us across a bridge deeper into back bay. A shot check was remarkably well marked for a Wiki trail and we paused to drink a remarkably palatable blue Gatorade and coconut rum concoction and a rather noxious yellow Gatorade and vodka potion. Both bottles were liberally decorated with glitter that looked remarkably similar in size and consistency to what I got covered in at Space Unicorn.
 
 We continued on to numerous group hug checks, song checks, and normal checks. I dubbed the bridge near Broadway 2 dick check bridge due to its surprising 2 back to back dick checks with nary a tit check in sight. The showings on the bridge garnered at least 2 exclamations of surprise from a just and the Virgin and a honk from a passing car. We navigated across all the lanes of traffic near Broadway without incident and ran down in front of the Gillette factory where we found beer near! The beer check was on some body of water, which was nice, but rather cold and windy. We started drinking, huddled for warmth, and CPA pulled out a brilliant knit beer glove/ coozy thing to allow Easy to Please to drink without freezing her hand off. The proper amount of time after the hares were gay Knome shooed us all off in pursuit. We followed the water until trail led us through some large parking lots where we missed yet another check back and milled about for a time before we found marks leading through yet more parking lots and up some stairs to a second glitter covered shot check. We drank and ran back down some stairs and eventually made it to beer check number 2 under the bridge by the barking crab.  We drank,  took in the sunset, hares left, and we shortly thereafter we followed them across the bridge towards downtown and then down the harbor walk to a song check by a small ice rink near the harbor view hotel. We serenaded the skating families with hashers meet the hashers and ran on as we debated probably on-in locations. Many were convinced the Hong Kong was in our future even though apparently Wiki had flat out stated that we were not headed there. Knome informed me that hares lie so this could not be trusted but this time, to the surprise of us all, truth won out. After a hash sitapeed where we sang dino won’t you blow me (I was rather worried about what would happen when we all tried to jump and thrust in our seated position but it held together surprisingly well), and a third glittery hatorade shot check we found on in marks at Side Bar near Park street.
 
Pack milled about and watched football as we waited for bag car to arrive and then beer started flowing and circle commenced. We sang to our shitty hares but there were surprisingly few vitriolic comments about trail. Our ex-dementress and current GM madam Knome de-virginized Virgin Mary who drank her down down and was Virgin no more. FRB (Goat) and FBI (Falmon) drank for trying to win the hash. The walkers and bag car were deemed DFL for abandoning the cold trail in favor of the heated bag car. Others drank for racist attire, pointing in circle, being backsliders, blood on trail, and probably other things. Once the food appeared next to circle we wrapped up quickly with hash religion so we could stuff our faces with pizza, fries and chicken tenders. The beer flowed on for a time as we watched both American and European football. CPA declared Whitey’s the on-after so some die hard hashers partied on but alas not I.
 
 
On-On
 
-Orgasm Famine
 
Announcements:
Taco Trail Monday 12/7
Moon Thursday 12/18
Hashmas 12/20
Marathon Rego soon

11/30 Love Stinks hash (almost 3 years ago)
LOVE STINKS/American Rules Handegg/Dirty 30 hash
Hares: Goat Throat, Just Liza, Just Andrew? (Sorry am bad with names)
Bag Car: Bend Over Mommy
Pack: +2 Coonass, Yellow Dick Knome, Little Slice of Heaven, Sex the Final Frontier, Just Tavish, Luva Lamp, Just Simone, Udder Whore, Yankee, Bloody Slip Inside, Clit Notes, Just Jeff. Notice the sad lack of scribes so I, Orgasm Famine, will be filling in.

Prelube this past beautiful hashy Sunday was at Tits in Porter Square. I started the afternoon off with a beer as virgin hares volunteered to help lay trail with Goat. At some point after Goat and his first volunteer, Virgin Andrew?, were gay we gathered our bags and followed Bend Over Money to the one car in the parking lot with an on-on sticker. Our two RA’s Bloody and Clit Notes led us in an exuberant chalk talk punctuated by Bloody skipping / jumping around the circle to illustrate his points. After explaining a few marks to our visitor/transplant we sped off through the shopping center and towards Harvard Square. On a side note the speed of pack did not abate all day. We really all deserved to drink for trying to win the hash. We ran up and down some streets, through a side-yard or two, and found many checks on man-hole covers. At a hash sittapeede in front of a playground we assumed our seated position and sang to the children about what they would be if it were not for their mothers. At most checks the best way to find trail was when in doubt look for Urban Shiggy and ally ways. There was a tit check and a dick check. Eventually we made our way to Harvard Square and Sang Yogi Bear to any passing Harvard Kids. Soon after, Beer Near was enthusiastically called and we trekked up seemingly endless stairs to the top of the parking Garage by JFK and Eliot Street. There we found Hares, Bag Car, and remarkably not shitty Beer!!! As hashers wandered around and marveled over the view of Harvard from above the Virgin hares traded off and Just Liza departed with Goat.

After we followed them down the gazillion stairs we quickly got a bit lost as everyone foolishly followed the front running checkers past the Charles Hotel instead of searching out other options. Eventually we found trail, some true trail marks across streets and a song check. Passers by were serenaded to the theme of Hashers meet the hashers and then we raced on through winding pathways. Thanks to a Turkey Eagle split the Eagles were treated to a thrilling tour of a parking garage. Just as the temperature started to drop we found a Shots Near and located a bottle of fireball. We sipped perhaps too delicately since Luva Lamp ended up taking the leftover with him and offering it around as we ran on. Just Andrew? and I found a check back 5 and backtracked out of the dead end we had been led into. Garages remained a theme when I found a true trail into yet another garage and out a sneaky back door to a dick check. Soon after many of us figured out that we were getting rather close to Paddy’s Lunch. We ran through a park and sang part of a failed song to yet another playground full of children. Bloody then brilliantly evaded a short check back and booked it directly to Paddy’s to claim his title of FRB. 

As we gathered in the back room the Patriots kicked off. (I am still mourning the outcome of that game) Circle started once we procured sufficient beer and we sang to our shitty hares.  Comments on trail were quite friendly. Little Slice of Heaven was called in as a visitor. We need to teach him some songs. FRB (Bloody)  FBI (Yours Truly), and DFL (Yankee) were called into circle. Accusations included anyone who travel-hashed recently, late-comers , over-achievers who ran to trail, lazy people who took the elevator to the first beer check, sweat test failures (Buoys who showed up during circle) and an honor down down to Goat for saving the day by volunteering to hare at the last minute. When one of the locals wandered in to find the bathroom Coonass sang him Glorius Victorius to honor his time in the marines. Coonass also sang a new theme song for Goat. Jorts! Jorts! Jorts! Jorts! Jorts! Jorts! Jorts! Jorts! (hear the rhythm of shots) Eventually we sang an abbreviated version of swing low, pizza arrived, beer continued to flow, and we watched the Pats flounder through the first half until we departed.

-Orgasm Famine


Announcements:
Saturday 12/6 Ball Buster Turducken Hash starting at Publick House 12HST
Sunday 12/7 Wiki’s Birthday Hash starting at Redbones 2:30HST
Marathon Rego will apparently be live soon


Balls! Tacos! Douche! Oh My! (almost 3 years ago)
How did I end up doing all 3 trails?
 
This month Boston has seen so many trails that 3 in 1 weekend does not even seem odd. As the one hasher stupid enough to have been present for them all in their entirety I will attempt a hash trash trifecta. (shout out to Butler who was there for all but the first leg of ballbuster.) This somehow got incredibly long. Enjoy.
 
-Orgasm Famine
 
Ball Buster / Boob Buster
 
Hares: Necrophiliac Jack and LARP
Bag Car: Krusty
Pack: Vagibond, Just Emily, Black Cock Down, Easy as 123, Five inch Penalty, Butler, Swedish Eagle, Orgasm Famine
 
I arrived to trail properly late so as I dragged my hungover ass out to the park behind the assembly square shopping center I saw a small huddle of cold looking people drinking beermosas as they considered why they had come out to trail. We tried all sorts of interesting methods to stay warm as the hares took seemingly forever to leave. Among the methods were penguin huddling, interpretive dancing/ jumping around like the idiots we are, and screaming at the hares to be gay already. Once they left and we lost most of the feeling in our extremities we held a properly abbreviated chalk talk and it turned out it was a good thing we took so long to get going because 5 inch showed up just as we left.
 
Trail led off through the shopping center to a song? check in front of the lego giraffe before cutting across numerous parking lots to an intersection by a sketchy underpass. Due to some questionable checking by yours truly we got a bit lost before finding trail going over a bridge. There was a well laid false with a second mark leading across a busy street that had pack wandering around some more parking lots before we found trail going down a side street. Eventually we made it to the first beer check, which was in a park near the river. Not only Krusty and the Hares were waiting for us but we were also graced by the presence of Butler who had failed to make it in time for the start but was graciously picked up by bag car. We drank, celebrated the warmth running bestowed upon us, and slowly got cold again before continuing on to leg 2. Sweagle had earned the ball buster brick and Just Emily carried McGilicuddy. (murdered that spelling)
 
Trail led out across a baseball field, down the river for a little, up some train tracks, and under a fence. I was told there was a way to go around the fence but chose to roll/scooch under in the mulch. It turns out there actually was not another way through due to a gate being closed on the weekends? At some form of a check many of us ran up a hill because you know, trail always goes uphill. Except this time it didn’t. We ran back down and found trail going through yet more parking lots and eventually through to a field complex where many people were throwing a football around. As we gathered to serenade them they even somehow threw it near us and 5 inch kindly returned it. We ran by some more water and made it to the second beer check, which was by a playground in Charlestown. (I think. I rarely know where I am when off the green line) We drank more and discussed the general lack of good peeing locations in the area. Maybe other things happened but I was still a bit too hung-over to remember.  5 Inch took over the brick and Blacky got McGillicutty.
 
The 3rd leg of trail was definitely the shortest and in under a mile we found bag car yet again for beer in yet another park by the river. Speakers were brought out and there was a bit of dancing or maybe we just had to pee? When we departed with empty bladders, yet increasingly inebriated, we sped off over the long walking bridge that goes towards the science museum. Unfortunately soon after the bridge Just Emily stepped off a curb and sprained her ankle at which point we huddled up and tried to reach bag car but failed. Many chivalrous hashers offered their injured compatriot whoredor rides but all were gently declined. I walked Just Emily to Lechmere, left her with McGillikutty to keep her company, and ran off to try to find pack. Blacky left me a few extra pack marks to help me catch up and trail went across the bridge to Cambridge near the Science Museum, under said bridge, and down the river to the Gallaria. The shoppers were out in force so I was a bit of a disruption as I ran through in search of pack. After the mall there was a pack mark telling me which way not to go but it was not all that helpful in pointing out the actual direction.  Fortunately not long after I saw bag car with a huddle of hashers around it. Apparently something happened to the muffler on trail? It fell off? Five inch had been sent out to search for me but I somehow missed him so we continued on when he returned. We found a true trail leading into a building and split Turkey Eagle up the Elevator or the Stairs to the roof of the complex. I ran after 5 inch who was counting stairs, something like 50? Our efforts were rewarded with a beautiful roof garden beer check. We drank, discussed ingesting airplanes, football fields, and maybe other things, and eventually left. 5 inch had the brick.
 
The last leg of trail was a bit of a death march from Kendal straight to Harvard. There was a hare snare outside Deadalus bar so we hung out with some Harvard kids while we waited almost the proper amount of time before continuing on. The closer we got to Harvard Square the more college kids sporting rather ugly maroon and white sweaters, hats, scarves, etc. we saw. This was due to some big football game that I guess people care about? Harvard Yale. We found the on-in mark in the middle of the little triangle park outside Grendel’s Den. After some discussion of where we could hold circle considering the mess of people out for the game we settled on a somewhat secluded courtyard. People drank for technology on trail, being late, getting injured, back-sliding, being ball-buster virgins and all sorts of other things. Trail #1 complete.
 
 
 
 
 
 
Trail #2 Sadie Hawkins
Kennel: Pink Taco
Hares: Mangia and CPA
Pack: Assorted harriets including many out of towners and their chosen and pinned dates.
 
I cannot possibly do justice to the glory that was the Sadie Hawkins event. Hashers were dressed as squares or drapes taking their costume instructions from the movie Cry Baby.  We took over a corner of the Charlie’s Kitchen upstairs and likely confused the drunken Harvard kids cheering for the game around us. Do to the lack of space we got going remarkably quickly but not before the plastic glasses were handed out to all and decorated with sharpies. We went outside and Mangia explained to all the regulations and marks of the taco kennel.  When pack left we meandered down towards the river and through some leaf piles. Yay fall! We sang about why Jesus can’t go hashing in front of a church, there was a Billie check where we consoled Butler about his bad day and generally told him he is still awesome. The beer check was in the park near the Charles that we drink in all the time. We drank beer, ate orange food, and eventually left on trail. I lost it a few times but in a remarkably short time arrived to the on-in at tasty burger. The wonderful taco hares had claimed the basement for us and we began distributing beer and pap-smears with abandon. If you are unfamiliar with the drink the pap-smear it is pbr and Smirnoff ice mixed together into a sugary concoction. Iggy took over as RA for circle and we celebrated our shitty hares. Accusations were made and anybody who had never had a pap-smear (of the pelvic exam variety) was called into circle. They were told to assume the position and with some help from gracious harrietts flopped down on their backs with their legs in the air and spread their knee’s. A few muggles happened to come down the stairs at that moment and could not turn around fast enough. The men in circle drank some pap-smear and were released. A new taco/Sadie tradition was explained in circle. Any male hasher who bag cars for the taco kennel is now to dress in drag to be entered into the running for Ms. Taco. The 2014 Ms. Taco Broke Back Baby was crowned in his heels and yellow dress. I feel like I am forgetting other memorable moments of circle but eventually we sang Taco religion. (Hot Vagina) Burgers, fries and onion rings were provided, the beer continued to flow and the festivities continued. Necrophiliac Jack set up a tripod and camera to capture the magical moments of the night for any and all who wanted to pose on the couch. Some pool was played, people danced, drank, and rejoiced. I hear there was an on-after and Sligo and eventually Discodome but sadly I was unequal to the task of continuing to party. 2 trails down.
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
Trail # 3. Boston Sunday.
 
Kennel: BH3
Hares: E=I’m a Douche and Pewee Pervin
Bag Car: Can’t Eat Pussy
Pack: Krusty, Piggy, Amazon, Stiffy, Virgin Alvin, Just Theo, No Man on the Moon, Mudslut, Butler, Orgasm Famine, Bloody Slip Inside, Lego, Just Tavish, more I am forgetting
 
For me this trail started as I sat on my couch watching the pats game and considering whether I would go to my third trail of the weekend. I asked the hares if they had planned a walking trail or a running trail and Douche assured me that a max of a 2 mile walk was in store for us. Being the admitted r*cist I am I decided to abandon my couch and run to trail. When I arrived (late) I saw the hares running away from the bar with bags of flour. A bit perplexed by this I entered Courtside and learned that due to pack wanting to run the hares were off to lay a running trail. Yippee?
 
At chalk talk there was some confusion over if trail was in chalk or flour. It turned out it was sporadically in both. Pack ran off and immediately hit a check back 3. I dutifully checked back and chose a new direction, which seemingly led to a check. I say seemingly because after running about a mile over a large bridge and following sporadic marks and checks and thinking maybe we were crossing ballbuster marks due to arrows pointing the wrong way…. Mudslut ran up to me and said she had run into Douche and we were somehow following trail backwards. In hind-sight considering the marks we saw this made sense. We ran the mile or so back to Courtside and started over. Perfect. At this point rather far behind the rest of pack (may their journey have been smoother than ours) our group sped off to catch up. There were side streets, falses, hills, and eventually we found another group of hashers contemplating a Turkey Eagle split. They had found Hare Club on trail so at least we were gaining more poor souls who mistakenly trusted Douche. As we ran off we returned to where we had been running trail backwards so we ran back over the big bridge for a third time and followed some true trail marks, a BBVC into a parking lot, and a trail of some sort to a Shot Check. Finally booze! The shots were mystery beverage and the bottles were covered in flour, which was absorbing condensation and creating doughy globs that stuck to everything. Yum. No Man on the Moon pointed out a tree she peed on some time in the past and there maybe were thorns involved in the story. Trail led off through parking lots, past confused looking security/parking attendants and into out into a grassy ridge where we found BN and then Beer!
 
We drank, I tried not to speak to, threaten, or commit bodily violence upon the hares. Eventually they were chased off since it was already beginning to get dark. When we followed we found a number of falses, the walkers caught us and somewhat at their prompting we set out across a long bridge. Pack climbed down a wall near Bunker Hill Community College and set out across parking lots and fields to some bleachers where we found Hares, Fireball, but as of yet no beer. When bag car arrived we drank and chased the hares off once again.
 
When pack followed we ran across a field, down a road, found dick and tit checks in rust colored chalk and a song check where we sang about a department store in Chicago to the delight of Stiffey our visitor from Chicago. After turning down a creepy side street that seemed to lead nowhere good I spied the hares walking further up and we set off in pursuit. They laid dick checks, joke checks, and song checks to slow us but ended up snared anyway. (I think it was the third snaring of the day?) Douche informed me we were close to the on-in which is how we learned we were in for an outdoor circle in the middle of November without advanced warning. Really it was a Douche trail so we should have known. We picked a spot to wait for bag car under many overpasses and near a family of cement mixers. Peewee Pervin climbed into one and someone found an unopened bottle of whisky somewhere. When bag car arrived we grabbed our stuff, beer, and pizza! When circle commenced we called in our shitty shitty hares who drank and sang us something. The virgin was called in and he answered the questions of our out of town dementress as none of the Boston ones were present. At one point he demonstrated sex with Peewee, Stiffy showed him how to do a down down and we grudgingly made him virgin no more. The visitors were called in and sang us a number of great songs I had never heard before but sadly no longer remember. FRB a FBI (Stiffey and I) drank for our sins. DFL was someone. Among others called into circle were the walkers, anyone who peed on trail, everyone who went to 3 trails this weekend, then 2 trails, then any trail (social). There were comments on trail, there were announcements (to follow). People started getting really cold. Some hashers drank more of the found whisky and eventually we all found our way out of the sketchy underpass and back to civilization. At least I did and I hope everyone else did too. 3 trails. Rage.
 
 
-Orgasm Famine
 
Announcements
 
E4B Tuesday the 25th 6:30 in Medford
BH3 next Sunday Easy to Please is haring “dirty thirty” details TBD
Ballbuster Turducken December 6th, noon, Public House Brookline.
Black Friday trail just over the border to NYC (ask someone else for details)
The guy from Chicago announced something in Chicago
Piggy announced NERD but I don’t remember when
Marathon next April

3-in-1 hash trash for 11/22 & 11/23 (almost 3 years ago)
How did I end up doing all 3 trails?

This month Boston has seen so many trails that 3 in 1 weekend does not even seem odd. As the one hasher stupid enough to have been present for them all in their entirety I will attempt a hash trash trifecta. (shout out to Butler who was there for all but the first leg of ballbuster.) This somehow got incredibly long. Enjoy.

-Orgasm Famine

Ball Buster / Boob Buster

Hares: Necrophiliac Jack and LARP
Bag Car: Krusty
Pack: Vagibond, Just Emily, Black Cock Down, Easy as 123, Five inch Penalty, Butler, Swedish Eagle, Orgasm Famine

I arrived to trail properly late so as I dragged my hungover ass out to the park behind the assembly square shopping center I saw a small huddle of cold looking people drinking beermosas as they considered why they had come out to trail. We tried all sorts of interesting methods to stay warm as the hares took seemingly forever to leave. Among the methods were penguin huddling, interpretive dancing/ jumping around like the idiots we are, and screaming at the hares to be gay already. Once they left and we lost most of the feeling in our extremities we held a properly abbreviated chalk talk and it turned out it was a good thing we took so long to get going because 5 inch showed up just as we left.

Trail led off through the shopping center to a song? check in front of the lego giraffe before cutting across numerous parking lots to an intersection by a sketchy underpass. Due to some questionable checking by yours truly we got a bit lost before finding trail going over a bridge. There was a well laid false with a second mark leading across a busy street that had pack wandering around some more parking lots before we found trail going down a side street. Eventually we made it to the first beer check, which was in a park near the river. Not only Krusty and the Hares were waiting for us but we were also graced by the presence of Butler who had failed to make it in time for the start but was graciously picked up by bag car. We drank, celebrated the warmth running bestowed upon us, and slowly got cold again before continuing on to leg 2. Sweagle had earned the ball buster brick and Just Emily carried McGilicuddy. (murdered that spelling)

Trail led out across a baseball field, down the river for a little, up some train tracks, and under a fence. I was told there was a way to go around the fence but chose to roll/scooch under in the mulch. It turns out there actually was not another way through due to a gate being closed on the weekends? At some form of a check many of us ran up a hill because you know, trail always goes uphill. Except this time it didn’t. We ran back down and found trail going through yet more parking lots and eventually through to a field complex where many people were throwing a football around. As we gathered to serenade them they even somehow threw it near us and 5 inch kindly returned it. We ran by some more water and made it to the second beer check, which was by a playground in Charlestown. (I think. I rarely know where I am when off the green line) We drank more and discussed the general lack of good peeing locations in the area. Maybe other things happened but I was still a bit too hung-over to remember.  5 Inch took over the brick and Blacky got McGillicutty.

The 3rd leg of trail was definitely the shortest and in under a mile we found bag car yet again for beer in yet another park by the river. Speakers were brought out and there was a bit of dancing or maybe we just had to pee? When we departed with empty bladders, yet increasingly inebriated, we sped off over the long walking bridge that goes towards the science museum. Unfortunately soon after the bridge Just Emily stepped off a curb and sprained her ankle at which point we huddled up and tried to reach bag car but failed. Many chivalrous hashers offered their injured compatriot whoredor rides but all were gently declined. I walked Just Emily to Lechmere, left her with McGillikutty to keep her company, and ran off to try to find pack. Blacky left me a few extra pack marks to help me catch up and trail went across the bridge to Cambridge near the Science Museum, under said bridge, and down the river to the Gallaria. The shoppers were out in force so I was a bit of a disruption as I ran through in search of pack. After the mall there was a pack mark telling me which way not to go but it was not all that helpful in pointing out the actual direction.  Fortunately not long after I saw bag car with a huddle of hashers around it. Apparently something happened to the muffler on trail? It fell off? Five inch had been sent out to search for me but I somehow missed him so we continued on when he returned. We found a true trail leading into a building and split Turkey Eagle up the Elevator or the Stairs to the roof of the complex. I ran after 5 inch who was counting stairs, something like 50? Our efforts were rewarded with a beautiful roof garden beer check. We drank, discussed ingesting airplanes, football fields, and maybe other things, and eventually left. 5 inch had the brick.

The last leg of trail was a bit of a death march from Kendal straight to Harvard. There was a hare snare outside Deadalus bar so we hung out with some Harvard kids while we waited almost the proper amount of time before continuing on. The closer we got to Harvard Square the more college kids sporting rather ugly maroon and white sweaters, hats, scarves, etc. we saw. This was due to some big football game that I guess people care about? Harvard Yale. We found the on-in mark in the middle of the little triangle park outside Grendel’s Den. After some discussion of where we could hold circle considering the mess of people out for the game we settled on a somewhat secluded courtyard. People drank for technology on trail, being late, getting injured, back-sliding, being ball-buster virgins and all sorts of other things. Trail #1 complete.






Trail #2 Sadie Hawkins
Kennel: Pink Taco
Hares: Mangia and CPA
Pack: Assorted harriets including many out of towners and their chosen and pinned dates.

I cannot possibly do justice to the glory that was the Sadie Hawkins event. Hashers were dressed as squares or drapes taking their costume instructions from the movie Cry Baby.  We took over a corner of the Charlie’s Kitchen upstairs and likely confused the drunken Harvard kids cheering for the game around us. Do to the lack of space we got going remarkably quickly but not before the plastic glasses were handed out to all and decorated with sharpies. We went outside and Mangia explained to all the regulations and marks of the taco kennel.  When pack left we meandered down towards the river and through some leaf piles. Yay fall! We sang about why Jesus can’t go hashing in front of a church, there was a Billie check where we consoled Butler about his bad day and generally told him he is still awesome. The beer check was in the park near the Charles that we drink in all the time. We drank beer, ate orange food, and eventually left on trail. I lost it a few times but in a remarkably short time arrived to the on-in at tasty burger. The wonderful taco hares had claimed the basement for us and we began distributing beer and pap-smears with abandon. If you are unfamiliar with the drink the pap-smear it is pbr and Smirnoff ice mixed together into a sugary concoction. Iggy took over as RA for circle and we celebrated our shitty hares. Accusations were made and anybody who had never had a pap-smear (of the pelvic exam variety) was called into circle. They were told to assume the position and with some help from gracious harrietts flopped down on their backs with their legs in the air and spread their knee’s. A few muggles happened to come down the stairs at that moment and could not turn around fast enough. The men in circle drank some pap-smear and were released. A new taco/Sadie tradition was explained in circle. Any male hasher who bag cars for the taco kennel is now to dress in drag to be entered into the running for Ms. Taco. The 2014 Ms. Taco Broke Back Baby was crowned in his heels and yellow dress. I feel like I am forgetting other memorable moments of circle but eventually we sang Taco religion. (Hot Vagina) Burgers, fries and onion rings were provided, the beer continued to flow and the festivities continued. Necrophiliac Jack set up a tripod and camera to capture the magical moments of the night for any and all who wanted to pose on the couch. Some pool was played, people danced, drank, and rejoiced. I hear there was an on-after and Sligo and eventually Discodome but sadly I was unequal to the task of continuing to party. 2 trails down.








Trail # 3. Boston Sunday.

Kennel: BH3
Hares: E=I’m a Douche and Pewee Pervin
Bag Car: Can’t Eat Pussy
Pack: Krusty, Piggy, Amazon, Stiffy, Virgin Alvin, Just Theo, No Man on the Moon, Mudslut, Butler, Orgasm Famine, Bloody Slip Inside, Lego, Just Tavish, more I am forgetting

For me this trail started as I sat on my couch watching the pats game and considering whether I would go to my third trail of the weekend. I asked the hares if they had planned a walking trail or a running trail and Douche assured me that a max of a 2 mile walk was in store for us. Being the admitted r*cist I am I decided to abandon my couch and run to trail. When I arrived (late) I saw the hares running away from the bar with bags of flour. A bit perplexed by this I entered Courtside and learned that due to pack wanting to run the hares were off to lay a running trail. Yippee?

At chalk talk there was some confusion over if trail was in chalk or flour. It turned out it was sporadically in both. Pack ran off and immediately hit a check back 3. I dutifully checked back and chose a new direction, which seemingly led to a check. I say seemingly because after running about a mile over a large bridge and following sporadic marks and checks and thinking maybe we were crossing ballbuster marks due to arrows pointing the wrong way…. Mudslut ran up to me and said she had run into Douche and we were somehow following trail backwards. In hind-sight considering the marks we saw this made sense. We ran the mile or so back to Courtside and started over. Perfect. At this point rather far behind the rest of pack (may their journey have been smoother than ours) our group sped off to catch up. There were side streets, falses, hills, and eventually we found another group of hashers contemplating a Turkey Eagle split. They had found Hare Club on trail so at least we were gaining more poor souls who mistakenly trusted Douche. As we ran off we returned to where we had been running trail backwards so we ran back over the big bridge for a third time and followed some true trail marks, a BBVC into a parking lot, and a trail of some sort to a Shot Check. Finally booze! The shots were mystery beverage and the bottles were covered in flour, which was absorbing condensation and creating doughy globs that stuck to everything. Yum. No Man on the Moon pointed out a tree she peed on some time in the past and there maybe were thorns involved in the story. Trail led off through parking lots, past confused looking security/parking attendants and into out into a grassy ridge where we found BN and then Beer!

We drank, I tried not to speak to, threaten, or commit bodily violence upon the hares. Eventually they were chased off since it was already beginning to get dark. When we followed we found a number of falses, the walkers caught us and somewhat at their prompting we set out across a long bridge. Pack climbed down a wall near Bunker Hill Community College and set out across parking lots and fields to some bleachers where we found Hares, Fireball, but as of yet no beer. When bag car arrived we drank and chased the hares off once again.

When pack followed we ran across a field, down a road, found dick and tit checks in rust colored chalk and a song check where we sang about a department store in Chicago to the delight of Stiffey our visitor from Chicago. After turning down a creepy side street that seemed to lead nowhere good I spied the hares walking further up and we set off in pursuit. They laid dick checks, joke checks, and song checks to slow us but ended up snared anyway. (I think it was the third snaring of the day?) Douche informed me we were close to the on-in which is how we learned we were in for an outdoor circle in the middle of November without advanced warning. Really it was a Douche trail so we should have known. We picked a spot to wait for bag car under many overpasses and near a family of cement mixers. Peewee Pervin climbed into one and someone found an unopened bottle of whisky somewhere. When bag car arrived we grabbed our stuff, beer, and pizza! When circle commenced we called in our shitty shitty hares who drank and sang us something. The virgin was called in and he answered the questions of our out of town dementress as none of the Boston ones were present. At one point he demonstrated sex with Peewee, Stiffy showed him how to do a down down and we grudgingly made him virgin no more. The visitors were called in and sang us a number of great songs I had never heard before but sadly no longer remember. FRB a FBI (Stiffey and I) drank for our sins. DFL was someone. Among others called into circle were the walkers, anyone who peed on trail, everyone who went to 3 trails this weekend, then 2 trails, then any trail (social). There were comments on trail, there were announcements (to follow). People started getting really cold. Some hashers drank more of the found whisky and eventually we all found our way out of the sketchy underpass and back to civilization. At least I did and I hope everyone else did too. 3 trails. Rage.


-Orgasm Famine

Announcements

E4B Tuesday the 25th 6:30 in Medford
BH3 next Sunday Easy to Please is haring “dirty thirty” details TBD
Ballbuster Turducken December 6th, noon, Public House Brookline.
Black Friday trail just over the border to NYC (ask someone else for details)
The guy from Chicago announced something in Chicago
Piggy announced NERD but I don’t remember when
Marathon next April

Hippie Hash (about 3 years ago)

Hash trash  for 2014-11-16: The Hippie Hash
Hares: Queer and Foaming in My Anus & Blondie McFucksalot
Who was there: Can't Eat Pussy, Poophole Loophole, Gaywol, Clitnotes, No Man on the Moon, Mudslut, Friar Fuck, Stuff That Reich Now, Pop Cum Ear I'm Infected, The Buttler Hit It, Easy at 123, Goat Throat, Black Cock Down, Just Simone, Virgin Catherine, Just Tavish, Just Lisa, Orgasm Famine, Necrophiliac Jack, Just Brian, Sex the Final Frontier, Just Jeff.
Alright, so, there was a hash on Sunday, as is our custom. Some things happened, like...
We started at Swillo which, as you know, is in Allston. This is important for later in the story.
Our brand-spanking-new Religious Advisor Clit Notes went around the circle at prelube and we all had to give out some good vibes, man. The consensus was that we're all very pretty.
And then we're off! And we ran for a while around Allston. And there was a shot check! And there was much rejoicing.
Continuing on, there was a beer check relatively close by, just, you know, without any beer. Note to future bag cars: please, make no assumptions about the location of various landmarks around the city. Just because it's called Harvard Stadium, does not mean it is in Harvard Square. Remember: we were in Allston. So we climbed trees and waited. And then we drank. And there was much rejoicing.
Moving along, we did our best November Project impression and ran into and up Harvard Stadium, in Allston. And there was a second shot check at the top! And there was some rejoicing, but we were kinda tired from running up the stairs.
As we left, there was a song check that was craftily converted by a some unknown FRB into a passable tit check. And there was much rejoicing.
All right, over the river and into Our Fair City. Run around until beer check número two at Magazine Beach, again, waiting for the bag car. Bag car arrives, as does the RA-for-life, Krusty the Meat Miser! But we were a little too cold to rejoice very much. And so, we move on.
We sang Jesus Saves outside a church, but then a car almost murdered us all on the sidewalk, so we stopped.
Bimbos and wankers, the rest of my notes look like this: 
Shot Check
Shot Check
Shot Check

I'm not even kidding. That's a lot of spiked green tea.
So then we get to to Harvard Square, and the on-in is upstairs at the Garage, Crazy Dough's. And some people were like, whaaaat? But we scared away the muggles pretty quickly, and it was fine. Except I'm not sure our African-American waitstaff understood the racism joke. There were some uncomfortableness.
Anyway, Crazy Dough's was great, good pizza, cheap pitchers. Uh, I didn't write anything down, so, let's see, the Virgin and Just Simone were accused of wearing American camouflage, FRB was probably CEP, FBI was probably Famine, and DFL was, let's say, E= I'm a Douche, why not. 
There's a ball buster before Sadie this Saturday, I still need to figure it out. I think it'll start downtown somewhere. Probably Beantown Pub. I'll let you know.
Peace, love, and understanding,
Necrophiliac Jack