Missed a hash? Catch up on all the trash here...
| "Unofficial" Hash Trash 3/31: Easter Apocalypse Hash | Evacuation Day Hash 2013 Edition | A Threesome in Newton | 2013 Founder's Day Edition, aka What you all missed Friday night! | 2013 Robbie Burns Hash |
|"Unofficial" Hash Trash 3/31: Easter Apocalypse Hash
(about 5 years ago)
Disclaimers: (1) I am not a scribe, just a former-GM, part-time hash cash,
and back slider who thinks a hash trash for this trail is deserved. (2) I
was not paying attention for most of trail, so I may take the liberty to
make stuff up, (3) I may currently be intoxicated
*Scribe: Nice Tits
*Hares: *5 Inch Penalty with bag car I Licked Butts and I think a couple of
*Start:* The Landsdowne Pub
*Pack:* (ok, I tried to keep track as our GMs asked me too. Clit Notes
tried to help identify those strange faces that this back-slider did not
recognize) - Beat By a Girl, Bend Over Mommy, Blubber F*cker, Certified
Poop Accuntant, Condom Search and Rescue, Goes Down on Bouys, I Licked
Butts, Just Ben, Just Lauren (to be named later), Just Myles, Just Amy (to
be named later), Just Angus (to be named later), Nice T*Ts, Rodent Felcher,
Spunk in the Trunk, Stick It to the Bros, The Buttler Hit It, Vagetarian,
and Yankee Pay $5 More
Pick up on Trail: Harlot Globe Fondler
*Trail:* Walkers followed Yankee to a Liquor Store to acquire Road Sodas
before opening their map.
Meanwhile, the rest of pack left the bar with Spunk leading the way and
seemed to circle around Fenway a bit and zigzag through Emerson & Longwood
area. At the song check we sang Whip It Out at the Ballgame, in honor of
starting at Fenway. CPA, Clit Notes and I came upon an interesting hop
scotch game that involved a triple spin, a dance break and eventually
following our dreams. Thankfully, we dreamt of beer, and eventually made it
to the first beer check in the Bird Sanctuary in Brookline. We sat on the
ground awaiting beer while Buttler gave us an unintended show. Yup, he wore
that kilt proper! PBR in hand we all rejoiced and tried not to disturb the
lesbian couples out for their nightly walk or the elderly woman who
rightfully mistook us for children.
On to the second leg, we ran around Brookline until entering a playground
where in the corner hid a strategically placed bottle next to chalk a
renditions of easter egg. We tried not to look sketchy while taking some
swigs. We sang Jesus Saves at a church, which April Fools, turned out to be
condos. Shocking some small children and bikers alike. Then a bunch of us
ran straight on Harvard St, apparently missing the dick check and running
into a welcoming group hug. Just Amy then walked the tight rope in bunny
ears and bells. Beer check 2 occurred in a back alleyway where we played
"What Would you do for a PBR?" as the beer selection had changed to Miller
with only a few PBRs left and we picked up Harlot ( a great addition to
this motley crew).
Ok, to be perfectly honest, at this point I stopped running trail and
proceeded to walk/jog while recounting the story of the Springfield
Sh*tshow, to Buttler- a Friday night that occurred 5 years ago that Wang,
Jimmy, Counterfeit and IEC will never forget. (Story omitted to protect the
We ended at the Silhouette. Pizza was already there... trail of the year!
Highlights from Circle lead by Blubber:
- 5 Inch Penalty had a Stupid Secret Hare..... Vagetarian! Both drank and
apparently both used to work in Chicago
- Comments included... this was like Dentata's trail, but with marks! Where
was the dick check? It's been a while, but I was able to find my t*ts for
- Blubber F*cker, Condom Search and Rescue, I Licked Butts, Bend Over
Mommy, Just Ben, Just Myles, and The Buttler Hit It met the March Madness
Sock Challenge of attending 4 out of 5 trails and got the new BH3 Shiggy
Socks. Wear them with pride! Mommy & T*ts sang to Blubber about his 10
inches that were really only 4...
- we named people. It is true. Just Amy, who walks a tight rope, has signed
someone's cock, asked for Spunk by hash name at work, and has had many
failed polyamorous endeavors was not named John HandCock or Failed
Foursome, but will forever be known to the hash as Hipsterectomy (thank you
Yankee for that amazing new name)
- Just Agnus was up next. He apparently asks a lot of people to make out
with him, and hits on virgins with minimal success. He was not named
Portuguese Man of Whore or Puffy the Virgin Slayer, but because I wrote it
down to be funny... he will be known as Stuck on 2nd. Sorry man, at least
you are joining the illustrious 2nd clan!
- Just Lauren, who apparently has had a stripper fondle her and likes to
slap the men she is with, did not get named Ground Zero Hero, Slap My B*tch
Up or Snatch & Release... but is instead Cunt Jungle (thank you, Harlot)
- Announcements: Marathon Rego goes up tomorrow, Yankee (who does not
believe in the internet) was told where the start is, and Pink Taco have
many fine things they would like to sell you
- Buttler is the hero of the evening leaving before circle ended but giving
the bartender $60 to "get his friends drunk." We love you, and obliged!
I must say I was impressed at the number of marks on trail despite previous
claims of a "lame hare," and have to say that all of you who were busy
eating Grandma's ham... missed out. The creative energy was flowing and
Blubber pulled an RA TriF*ckta with 3 namings. We would have named Just
Myles and Just Ben (sock winners and both with beards) but apparently they
are "saving themselves for Moon." WTF?!?!?
Alright Moon, we throw the gauntlet down. Come up with better names than
Hipsterectomy, Stuck on 2nd and Cunt Jungle.
One more Sunday till Marathon. Hope you enjoyed this "unofficial hash
trash", i.e. what I did on trail.
|Evacuation Day Hash 2013 Edition
(about 5 years ago)
Date: Sunday, March 17, 2013
Hares: Yankee and Anal Disco(her virgin lay)
Start: Pearl Street Station
Beer Check: Sketchy alley
On-in: Under a bridge
Time: 2:30 HST
Total beers consumed: More than a few; less than enough.
Let me begin by saying, I always get a half-chub for a Yankee trail; denim and Marb Reds abound. CPA and Harlot were quick to echo this sentiment.
Against all conventional wisdom, the theme for trail on March 17th had absolutely nothing to do with St. Patrick’s Day. We instead celebrated Evacuation Day, one of many bullshit, made-up holidays allowing Bostonians to have the day off work and drink excessively.
The Hash converged on the Pearl Street Station—a surprisingly classy prelube, perfectly juxtaposing the On-After—shortly before HST and the binging began in earnest. In an effort to overcome their hangovers, our faithful hares decided it best to begin the afternoon with alternating shitty beers and shots of whiskey. In hindsight, with the time afforded by the Great Bar Car Debacle of 2013, shots might’ve been aggressive.
After more than a few rounds, Titney Spewston saved the day and offered up bag-carring services. Wiki, the assumed bag car for the day, readily admitted his faults and offered to buy Titney about a million beers.
At opening circle, we met our Virgins, Johann and Jen, and almost talked them into showing body parts (so close). We learned that Yankee had made the executive decision to make it a Cajun trail. After confusing the shit out of the virgins and veterans alike with this news, pack was off.
The first leg of trail ran through only the classiest parts of Malden. There were—alleged—tit checks and the usual harriettes performed their civic duties. Yankee and Disco enticed the pack into a sketchy alley with promises of beer near. The beer check included plenty of Natty Ice and Busch Lite and a virgin FBI. Not surprisingly, amongst the men, Bro’s and Sweagle came first.
The second leg of trail included scenic strip malls, railroad tracks, and housing projects. Pack routinely chased false trails up hills, apparently forgetting who was haring. Ultimately, pack stumbled upon some flour on a set of abandoned train tracks. What was thought to be a second beer check was actually the On-In.
After some beer and pizza and beer, it was time to get circle underway. In no particular order, circle included the following:
Your scribe, Blubber F*cker
|A Threesome in Newton
(over 5 years ago)
Feb 10, 2013: A Threesome in Newton
Table 1 : Pack
Hare: Friar F*ck
Pack: The Buttler Hit It. E = I'm a D*uche
Beer backpack (suspiciously large for only six beers): Friar F*ck
Table 2 : Trail
FRB: E = I'm a D*uche
FBI: The Buttler Hit It
DFL: Friar F*ck
Sweat test failure: Just Skeeter
Table 3 : Alcohols
Prelube : Miller High Life
Beer Check 1 : Bag-O and Miller High Life
Beer Check 2: Very much like BC 1
Post BC2: More Bag-O
Hare Snare Shot Check: 1800 Reposado Tequila
Post-hare snare. pre-on-in: More Bag-O. Small scare when it got stuck in a tree. (To find out who caused this grim situation, read on...)
On-In: Some sort of gluten-free beer, which was fairly delicious. All of the above.
Chapter 1: The Pre-Prelube:
After failed attempts to make various harriettes c*m, The Buttler Hit It ("Buttler") and E = I'm a D*uche ("E") set off from Davis square, sans t*ts. After a 20 minute ride where absolutely no illicit substances were consumed, they arrived in Newt*n. Buttler deftly avoided an insane woman in a Mini. They eventually arrived in an abandoned parking lot in the Newton ghetto.
As expected, no trail was laid to the prelube. Blindly following technology to the start address, Buttler and E eventually called Friar. They learned that the abandoned office building was in fact Friar's house. Sensing beer was near, they entered...
Chapter 2: The Prelube
Buttler took off his pants while E searched for beer. E found a 30 of High Life (no OJ :() in a snowbank out the side door. Unlike most hash High Life, it was not warm, and in fact had chunks of beer ice in it. ( I feel beer ice needs a proper name, but I have absolutely no ideas). When E returned, he was relieved to find that Buttler had put a Kilt on. They then attempted to convince Just Skeeter to c*m on trail with them. Unfortunately, Just Skeeter declared that he was "Too old for this sh*t", and went back to bed. Friar left with an enormous sack, which the pack feared might not satisfy their desires on trail.
Chapter 3: Friar's first leg
Trail went uphill. No one was surprised. It shortly took a sharp left into deep snow, which led onto an aqueduct. Avoiding several youths and their dogs, Buttler and E followed trail and descended the hill on the far side of the aqueduct. A man and his child commented on the temperature of Buttler's balls. Definitely not following footprints instead of marks, the pack found Friar at the bottom of the hill, drinking a beer...
Chapter 4: The First Beer Check
High Life's (High Lives?) were lined up in a row for each member of the pack. A Bag-O was also present, which subsequently accompanied the pack on trail. Intellectual conversation was had about aqueducts. Buttler attempted to sit down, but didn't like how the snow felt on his bare balls.
Chapter 5: Friar's second leg
10 minutes after watching Friar painfully ascend the hill, the pack set off. Trail doubled back on itself, causing mass confusion. Finally escaping onto fresh trail, the pack c*me upon pavement. Alas, several checks later, they lost trail. Finally, Hope! A playground in the distance! Assuming beer must be near, the pack climbed a fence and ran into another man with child.
The man attempted to con the pack out of two dollars in exchange for information on the hares. The pack attempted to steal his child's sled (The hill had a jump!). Eventually an agreement was made, and the man relented that the hare had headed "off into the sunset". (Seriously what he said). The pack really should have known which way Friar had gone: across a carefully crafted "SAM" written in the snow, someone with a large sack had drawn an ungainly line. Following this, and crossing yet another fence, the pack found...
Chapter 6: The second beer check
More beer. More Bag-O. More debate on how unsafe the ice was.
Chapter 7: Friar's third leg
Longer than expected. Not very well defined. Despite most the marks being a bright orange chalk, the pack found a true trail laid in mysteriously yellow snow. Shortly thereafter, E snared the hare. There was an inmpromptu shot check befire the hare set off. More intellectual conversation, and another mysteriously yellow mark ("H.S."), apparently laid with Buttler's "pack chalk". After 5 minutes, the pack set out again. C*mming up on the hare yet again, the pack stayed back, as not to spook him. While waiting, the pack played Bag-O. Buttler tossed Bag-O into a tree. E heroically retrieved it from the tree. Soon enough, they were off again, lost, regretting their decision to not follow the hare. The pack passed the base of a radio tower, and yet another intellectual conversation ensued. Eventually back on the main road, the pack wandered around in search of marks for a while, then started to zen back to the on-in. They encountered the hare, who fell in behind th e pack, and somehow became DFL.
Chapter 8: On-In
Delicious lasagna. Circle (triangle?). Lots of accusations. Surprisingly long. New songs. Relief that the pack wasn't stuck at a tit check, waiting for a stranger. Skeeter doing mushrooms. Truck across the street failing at plowing. Good beer. Almost finished Bag-O.
Chapter 9: Epilogue
E and his delightful companion, DoucheLand, laid the Trail of the Year.the following week. Absolutely no one was upset about trail, there was only good beer and good food, and the entire pack got laid.
|2013 Founder's Day Edition, aka What you all missed Friday night!
(over 5 years ago)
Founder's Day Edition, aka What you all missed Friday night!
Friday, February 1st, 2013Yesterday night in 20 degrees or less, a hardy few joined Dribbles, Hare Club and myself for the Founder's Day trail.
Pack gathered at The Pub in Ball Sq, Somerville and included a transplant F*** Off, Velvet Pelvis, Master Gator, Save A Tree Ride A Cowboy (SATRAC).
Hare Club (stepped in for myself, Nice T*ts, after a minor bike accident took me out of haring and moved me into bag car status) and left with Dribbles heading towards Trum Field. Dribbles had an immediate hash crash that resulted in broken chalk and a hamstring pull. She waved HC ahead and tried to follow along. She got lost when HC decided to trek down a steep hill that was not part of the original trail.
Pack decided to run up and down Cedar street chasing rock salt piles while waiting for Public Nuisance to join them. After 30 minutes they found trail across from Trum field and ran around Magoon Sq before saying "F This! Doesn't HC own a home near here?" Pack then headed to HC's backyard for a cold beer check. Velvet was nice enough to search for our transplant and guide him in to the beer.
Dribbles, a hare, had to call bag car for directions.
This may have been the worst trail ever, but the hares redeemed themselves by ending trail quickly and heading to Ball Sq Bowling for warm pizza, cold PBR and hours of candlepin. Pack was joined by late comers Dick Jockey, who set up the sounds system for the event, Mexican Humping Queen and Great Laxation.
This hare found out that Velvet was quite the competitive bowler with smack talk ranging from "I'm in your head now, and doing a jig. By the way, there is a lot of room in here. Helloo-o-o-o-o"and "Dribbles, there are still no potatoes, get off the phone and bowl!"
Highest roll by a hasher was Dick Jockey at 97. However, Hare Club bowled a 69, so he is truly the winner.
Trail of the Year!!!
|2013 Robbie Burns Hash
(over 5 years ago)
Date: Sunday January 27, 2013, Robbie Burns Hash
Hares: Ski Bobbitt, Dribbles (bag car also Ski Bobbitt)
Start: Sullivan's, Main Street, Charlestown
Beer Check: Ski Bobbitt's office lobby on State Street Boston
Whiskey Check: Robbie Burns Statue Boston
On-in: Biddy Early's Pub, Pearl St, Boston
Time: 2:30 p.m. HST
Total Distance: 2.5 miles walking, at least 4 miles for the rest of the pack
Scribe: Cums Alone
Weather: cold and overcast
Late Cummers: none that I noticed, but the on-in was packed full of hashers
Ski Bobbitt (hare), Dribbles (hare), Anal Disco, Big Piles (Happy Valley), Blubber F*cker, Cainus Lickus (Happy Valley), Can't Eat Pussy, Condom Search & Rescue, CPP, Cums Alone, Double Flush, 5 Inch Penalty, Friar F*ck, Hare Club for Queers, Harlot, High Anus, I Eat Teabags, Master Gator, Mr. Rogers, Mud Slut, Oink Oink, Pappy Van Tinkle, Pig F*cker (Halve Mein), Public Nuisance, PSA, Robot, Spunk in the Trunk, Stick it to the Bros, Sugar Plum Fairy, The Second Cumming, Twat My Mom, Vagitarian, Velvet Pelvis, Willie Wonka and the Back Door Factory, Yellow Dick Gnome and others (I tried, there were roughly 40 hashers present, yell at me if I missed writing down your name!)
The Start and the Run
We prelubed at Sullivan's and eventually were prodded to leave by the hares. The pack gathered outside Sullivan's (across from Warren Tavern). What were we thinking, two bars beckoned, yet, we were going on a Ski Bobbitt trail? Marks were pretty standard, but a few were a bit incomprehensible in Ski's honor. There was a turkey trail for walkers. There would be 1 beer check, plus a whiskey check in honor of Robbie Burns.
Oddly enough, I overwrote an old hash trash from 2004 for this hash trash, and it appears the same problems happen over and over again. Here is a segment from scribe-dom past: "yet again we were hashing in (fill in the blank). Twice in (fill in the blank) days. Trails were starting to look awfully familiar. At least this time the on-in wasn't at (fill in the blank)."
Yes, the pack found marks on Sunday from a previous trail, and most of the pack of 40 or so hashers refused to cross the bridge into Boston. So the walkers got to the Beer Check first, followed by the FRBs who couldn't convince the rest of the pack to leave Charlestown. After the hotline got updated, plus a few phone calls to the rest of the pack, everyone finally convened at the beer check, where some good beer competed with the usual light beer. The pack, once all were refreshed, was again out on trail.
From the beer check, it was a fairly short trail to the whiskey check. I know this because the walkers arrived to find only an empty whiskey bottle in the trash. Boo! From the whiskey check it was a short distance to the on-in at Biddy Early's. Thankfully, there was a second bottle of scotch that Ski had in his car. The walkers accompanied Ski to his car for a quick shot prior to the start of the circle, and it was good.
The on in
Blubber F*cker was RA. Comments included "good whiskey at Robbie Burns Statue, Best Robbie Burns hash of the month, and a whole bunch of stuff that I neglected to write down, and couldn't hear from my place near the bar. The hares did their down down and recited a poem in honor of Robbie Burns. Visitors were invited into the circle for abuse: (see above for our 3 out of town visitors) They sang a song that I neglected to put in my sketchy notes.
Just Lauren was due for a name. We didn't name her any of the following less than stellar options: "Touching Reflection", Mirrors are Sexy", Crawfish Lips", "Lap dance Hustler touched me". We will try again possibly when the pack gets more inspired.
* Backsliding: a whole bunch of hashers including me
* Overacheivers: Yellow Dick Gnome, High Anus
* Not picking up hash tags: Velvet Pelvis, Spunk in the Trunk
* Picking up hash mugs: Mud Slut, Can't Eat Pussy
* Old Fharts got a down down as well
* Technology in circle phones on trail . several hashers
* We did hash religion. And then we had lots of pizza, including haggis pizza (I passed on the haggis).
"He found his way to work. This is a good day for him." Blubber F*cker
* Red Dress Run May 10-11 Albany
* 2013 Gay Beer Mile Feb 23 at Harvard Track (I think that's when it is, don't quote me)
--- Cums Alone, scribe