Missed a hash? Catch up on all the trash here...
| A Threesome in Newton | 2013 Founder's Day Edition, aka What you all missed Friday night! | 2013 Robbie Burns Hash | Chasing Boston Strangler | Patriots-themed Foray into Dorchester and TWO NAMINGS! |
|A Threesome in Newton
(about 5 years ago)
Feb 10, 2013: A Threesome in Newton
Table 1 : Pack
Hare: Friar F*ck
Pack: The Buttler Hit It. E = I'm a D*uche
Beer backpack (suspiciously large for only six beers): Friar F*ck
Table 2 : Trail
FRB: E = I'm a D*uche
FBI: The Buttler Hit It
DFL: Friar F*ck
Sweat test failure: Just Skeeter
Table 3 : Alcohols
Prelube : Miller High Life
Beer Check 1 : Bag-O and Miller High Life
Beer Check 2: Very much like BC 1
Post BC2: More Bag-O
Hare Snare Shot Check: 1800 Reposado Tequila
Post-hare snare. pre-on-in: More Bag-O. Small scare when it got stuck in a tree. (To find out who caused this grim situation, read on...)
On-In: Some sort of gluten-free beer, which was fairly delicious. All of the above.
Chapter 1: The Pre-Prelube:
After failed attempts to make various harriettes c*m, The Buttler Hit It ("Buttler") and E = I'm a D*uche ("E") set off from Davis square, sans t*ts. After a 20 minute ride where absolutely no illicit substances were consumed, they arrived in Newt*n. Buttler deftly avoided an insane woman in a Mini. They eventually arrived in an abandoned parking lot in the Newton ghetto.
As expected, no trail was laid to the prelube. Blindly following technology to the start address, Buttler and E eventually called Friar. They learned that the abandoned office building was in fact Friar's house. Sensing beer was near, they entered...
Chapter 2: The Prelube
Buttler took off his pants while E searched for beer. E found a 30 of High Life (no OJ :() in a snowbank out the side door. Unlike most hash High Life, it was not warm, and in fact had chunks of beer ice in it. ( I feel beer ice needs a proper name, but I have absolutely no ideas). When E returned, he was relieved to find that Buttler had put a Kilt on. They then attempted to convince Just Skeeter to c*m on trail with them. Unfortunately, Just Skeeter declared that he was "Too old for this sh*t", and went back to bed. Friar left with an enormous sack, which the pack feared might not satisfy their desires on trail.
Chapter 3: Friar's first leg
Trail went uphill. No one was surprised. It shortly took a sharp left into deep snow, which led onto an aqueduct. Avoiding several youths and their dogs, Buttler and E followed trail and descended the hill on the far side of the aqueduct. A man and his child commented on the temperature of Buttler's balls. Definitely not following footprints instead of marks, the pack found Friar at the bottom of the hill, drinking a beer...
Chapter 4: The First Beer Check
High Life's (High Lives?) were lined up in a row for each member of the pack. A Bag-O was also present, which subsequently accompanied the pack on trail. Intellectual conversation was had about aqueducts. Buttler attempted to sit down, but didn't like how the snow felt on his bare balls.
Chapter 5: Friar's second leg
10 minutes after watching Friar painfully ascend the hill, the pack set off. Trail doubled back on itself, causing mass confusion. Finally escaping onto fresh trail, the pack c*me upon pavement. Alas, several checks later, they lost trail. Finally, Hope! A playground in the distance! Assuming beer must be near, the pack climbed a fence and ran into another man with child.
The man attempted to con the pack out of two dollars in exchange for information on the hares. The pack attempted to steal his child's sled (The hill had a jump!). Eventually an agreement was made, and the man relented that the hare had headed "off into the sunset". (Seriously what he said). The pack really should have known which way Friar had gone: across a carefully crafted "SAM" written in the snow, someone with a large sack had drawn an ungainly line. Following this, and crossing yet another fence, the pack found...
Chapter 6: The second beer check
More beer. More Bag-O. More debate on how unsafe the ice was.
Chapter 7: Friar's third leg
Longer than expected. Not very well defined. Despite most the marks being a bright orange chalk, the pack found a true trail laid in mysteriously yellow snow. Shortly thereafter, E snared the hare. There was an inmpromptu shot check befire the hare set off. More intellectual conversation, and another mysteriously yellow mark ("H.S."), apparently laid with Buttler's "pack chalk". After 5 minutes, the pack set out again. C*mming up on the hare yet again, the pack stayed back, as not to spook him. While waiting, the pack played Bag-O. Buttler tossed Bag-O into a tree. E heroically retrieved it from the tree. Soon enough, they were off again, lost, regretting their decision to not follow the hare. The pack passed the base of a radio tower, and yet another intellectual conversation ensued. Eventually back on the main road, the pack wandered around in search of marks for a while, then started to zen back to the on-in. They encountered the hare, who fell in behind th e pack, and somehow became DFL.
Chapter 8: On-In
Delicious lasagna. Circle (triangle?). Lots of accusations. Surprisingly long. New songs. Relief that the pack wasn't stuck at a tit check, waiting for a stranger. Skeeter doing mushrooms. Truck across the street failing at plowing. Good beer. Almost finished Bag-O.
Chapter 9: Epilogue
E and his delightful companion, DoucheLand, laid the Trail of the Year.the following week. Absolutely no one was upset about trail, there was only good beer and good food, and the entire pack got laid.
|2013 Founder's Day Edition, aka What you all missed Friday night!
(about 5 years ago)
Founder's Day Edition, aka What you all missed Friday night!
Friday, February 1st, 2013Yesterday night in 20 degrees or less, a hardy few joined Dribbles, Hare Club and myself for the Founder's Day trail.
Pack gathered at The Pub in Ball Sq, Somerville and included a transplant F*** Off, Velvet Pelvis, Master Gator, Save A Tree Ride A Cowboy (SATRAC).
Hare Club (stepped in for myself, Nice T*ts, after a minor bike accident took me out of haring and moved me into bag car status) and left with Dribbles heading towards Trum Field. Dribbles had an immediate hash crash that resulted in broken chalk and a hamstring pull. She waved HC ahead and tried to follow along. She got lost when HC decided to trek down a steep hill that was not part of the original trail.
Pack decided to run up and down Cedar street chasing rock salt piles while waiting for Public Nuisance to join them. After 30 minutes they found trail across from Trum field and ran around Magoon Sq before saying "F This! Doesn't HC own a home near here?" Pack then headed to HC's backyard for a cold beer check. Velvet was nice enough to search for our transplant and guide him in to the beer.
Dribbles, a hare, had to call bag car for directions.
This may have been the worst trail ever, but the hares redeemed themselves by ending trail quickly and heading to Ball Sq Bowling for warm pizza, cold PBR and hours of candlepin. Pack was joined by late comers Dick Jockey, who set up the sounds system for the event, Mexican Humping Queen and Great Laxation.
This hare found out that Velvet was quite the competitive bowler with smack talk ranging from "I'm in your head now, and doing a jig. By the way, there is a lot of room in here. Helloo-o-o-o-o"and "Dribbles, there are still no potatoes, get off the phone and bowl!"
Highest roll by a hasher was Dick Jockey at 97. However, Hare Club bowled a 69, so he is truly the winner.
Trail of the Year!!!
|2013 Robbie Burns Hash
(about 5 years ago)
Date: Sunday January 27, 2013, Robbie Burns Hash
Hares: Ski Bobbitt, Dribbles (bag car also Ski Bobbitt)
Start: Sullivan's, Main Street, Charlestown
Beer Check: Ski Bobbitt's office lobby on State Street Boston
Whiskey Check: Robbie Burns Statue Boston
On-in: Biddy Early's Pub, Pearl St, Boston
Time: 2:30 p.m. HST
Total Distance: 2.5 miles walking, at least 4 miles for the rest of the pack
Scribe: Cums Alone
Weather: cold and overcast
Late Cummers: none that I noticed, but the on-in was packed full of hashers
Ski Bobbitt (hare), Dribbles (hare), Anal Disco, Big Piles (Happy Valley), Blubber F*cker, Cainus Lickus (Happy Valley), Can't Eat Pussy, Condom Search & Rescue, CPP, Cums Alone, Double Flush, 5 Inch Penalty, Friar F*ck, Hare Club for Queers, Harlot, High Anus, I Eat Teabags, Master Gator, Mr. Rogers, Mud Slut, Oink Oink, Pappy Van Tinkle, Pig F*cker (Halve Mein), Public Nuisance, PSA, Robot, Spunk in the Trunk, Stick it to the Bros, Sugar Plum Fairy, The Second Cumming, Twat My Mom, Vagitarian, Velvet Pelvis, Willie Wonka and the Back Door Factory, Yellow Dick Gnome and others (I tried, there were roughly 40 hashers present, yell at me if I missed writing down your name!)
The Start and the Run
We prelubed at Sullivan's and eventually were prodded to leave by the hares. The pack gathered outside Sullivan's (across from Warren Tavern). What were we thinking, two bars beckoned, yet, we were going on a Ski Bobbitt trail? Marks were pretty standard, but a few were a bit incomprehensible in Ski's honor. There was a turkey trail for walkers. There would be 1 beer check, plus a whiskey check in honor of Robbie Burns.
Oddly enough, I overwrote an old hash trash from 2004 for this hash trash, and it appears the same problems happen over and over again. Here is a segment from scribe-dom past: "yet again we were hashing in (fill in the blank). Twice in (fill in the blank) days. Trails were starting to look awfully familiar. At least this time the on-in wasn't at (fill in the blank)."
Yes, the pack found marks on Sunday from a previous trail, and most of the pack of 40 or so hashers refused to cross the bridge into Boston. So the walkers got to the Beer Check first, followed by the FRBs who couldn't convince the rest of the pack to leave Charlestown. After the hotline got updated, plus a few phone calls to the rest of the pack, everyone finally convened at the beer check, where some good beer competed with the usual light beer. The pack, once all were refreshed, was again out on trail.
From the beer check, it was a fairly short trail to the whiskey check. I know this because the walkers arrived to find only an empty whiskey bottle in the trash. Boo! From the whiskey check it was a short distance to the on-in at Biddy Early's. Thankfully, there was a second bottle of scotch that Ski had in his car. The walkers accompanied Ski to his car for a quick shot prior to the start of the circle, and it was good.
The on in
Blubber F*cker was RA. Comments included "good whiskey at Robbie Burns Statue, Best Robbie Burns hash of the month, and a whole bunch of stuff that I neglected to write down, and couldn't hear from my place near the bar. The hares did their down down and recited a poem in honor of Robbie Burns. Visitors were invited into the circle for abuse: (see above for our 3 out of town visitors) They sang a song that I neglected to put in my sketchy notes.
Just Lauren was due for a name. We didn't name her any of the following less than stellar options: "Touching Reflection", Mirrors are Sexy", Crawfish Lips", "Lap dance Hustler touched me". We will try again possibly when the pack gets more inspired.
* Backsliding: a whole bunch of hashers including me
* Overacheivers: Yellow Dick Gnome, High Anus
* Not picking up hash tags: Velvet Pelvis, Spunk in the Trunk
* Picking up hash mugs: Mud Slut, Can't Eat Pussy
* Old Fharts got a down down as well
* Technology in circle phones on trail . several hashers
* We did hash religion. And then we had lots of pizza, including haggis pizza (I passed on the haggis).
"He found his way to work. This is a good day for him." Blubber F*cker
* Red Dress Run May 10-11 Albany
* 2013 Gay Beer Mile Feb 23 at Harvard Track (I think that's when it is, don't quote me)
--- Cums Alone, scribe
|Chasing Boston Strangler
(about 6 years ago)
Chasing Down the Boston Strangler Sunday Hash 11/20/11
Hares: Boston Strangler and I Eat Teabags
Bag car: Twat Tart
RA: +2 Coonass
Hash Cash: Oink Oink (How did I get roped into that?)
Scribe: Oink Oink
Pre-Lube: Otherside Cafe/Mass Ave Tavern
Virgins: Virgin Taylor
Just like the previous week the pack was lost from the get go. Took at least 10 minutes to find trail and get going in the right direction. To be expected; look who the hares were! The pack traipsed through the Fens park (stopping for hidden beers along the way), and into the Roxbury Crossing area. We lost High Anus at a left turn; he thought he could zen the trail and he was sorely mistaken. About a half mile down the road from that point, past a police officer with a curious look on his face, we found our delicious amber beverage at the first beer check.
After the check, we r*n past picturesque condo buildings with manicured lawns. The hares led us through a high school complex where the pack promptly got lost once again. We followed marks that led us to a backwards true trail mark - we had been duped or cut out part of trail. We finally collected ourselves and found trail again through some neighborhoods and wound up at the second beer check, at Dudley Town Common.
We all knew where we were headed. Boston Strangler has a great backyard, understanding neighbors, and a hot tub... there was no question. Lo and behold, we arrived at Boston Strangler's place for circle, food, and more beer!
-FRB, FNI, and DFL were +2, Snap Off, and Pat My Fly, respectively.
-CPeeA called Virgin Taylor into the circle, who was already WELL past drunk (very hashman like), to start her dementing. TBags was a kind gentleman and let the virgin kneel on his back, but really he was just trying to get closer to her crotch. Her favorite barnyard animal was a pig (!!!!) and she had to demonstrate how a menagerie of farm animals would perform in the bedroom.
-Visitors were called into the circle, so Just Beat It (transplant) came to accept his fate. It somehow turned into a social with Bros, Mexican, +2, Just Paul, and Senor Cocksucker - no idea.
-Douche got called into circle for a hash crash
-Late comers were Bros and Buttler
-Sexy cop costumes were brought by Preggers, Just Lisa and Virgin Taylor. They were handcuffed together for more fun and made to drink.
-Bros and Mexican caught Boston Strangler so he was forced to drink for the Hare Snare.
-Other things happened but the scribe was busy drinking and her handwriting had deteriorated by the end of the night.
|Patriots-themed Foray into Dorchester and TWO NAMINGS!
(about 6 years ago)
Patriots Theme 11/13/11
Hares: Just Brandon*** and Stick it to the Bros
Bag car: Sketchy Ho
Chalk Talk: Krusty the Meat Miser
Dementress: CPeeA and Clit Notes
Scribe: Oink Oink
Pre-Lube: Brendan Behan Pub
Virgins: Virgin Jesse and Virgin Dave
You know it's a Bros trail when the pack gets lost before they even lose sight of the pre-lube bar. It took a solid five or so minutes to get us on track (what a terrible omen), but FINALLY trail was found and we were off. We traveled down Centre street - miraculously no one was shot - and made our way into Roxbury towards the first beer check. The hares really chose a safe environment to stop in; we sang, drank adult beverages, and made sure to avoid the used syringes strewn about while sitting atop rocks at Horatio Harris Park.
The second leg of trail led us through projects and dilapidated homes (what else?). The driver of a giant pimped out SUV got out of the car to start running with us and a hasher threatened to steal the car! We make friends where ever we go. Somewhere in there was a Group Hug check next to a giant head (who said head?) statue. Creepy. Some hashers took the opportunity to roll down a hill full of leaves. We're all really five years old on the inside. Second beer check was in another park. And yes, we were all thinking, "Maybe that promise/lie about three beer checks was true?"
Trail continued on AGAIN and the pack searched for even more beer. One man yelled at the pack while we were r*nning with some very good advice: "Pick yo' kneeeees up! Pick yo' kneeeees up!" he screamed from his car. Thanks random guy. Beer was found another two miles through one of the scetchiest areas of Boston (Dorchester) in a park located across the street from what looked like it could be a porn shop or "Gentleman's Club" but was in fact a car stereo place. The hares provided not just beer, there were shots to be had! Blue and Orange drink with what I'm sure was the very best and most expensive top shelf liquor mixed in.
And then the horror set in: There is yet ANOTHER LEG OF TRAIL. Who let Bros destroy Just Brandon*** by allowing him to hare a trail? It was turning into a nightmare. More r*nning was awaiting us at the bottom of the gallons of shots.
Luckily, those tricky hares set off to mark trail that only went another block! We took one right and down the street just one hundred feet away was our On-in!! The Dot Tavern.
-We of course sang "Shitty Trail" to our hares and they returned a lovely favorite of the hash, "I love my girl yes I do..."
-FBI Spunk and FRB toomuchhead were flipped off in "Not #5.." and DFL Spunk (yes she was both), sang us a song that doesn't get used to often: "I'm a harriette..."
-Visitors: Knight of the Cocksucker (transplant) from Rochester and Massive Cock Check from San Fran sang us some songs
-CPeeA and Clit Notes jumped in to dement our virgins Jesse and Dave. Virgin Dave would not get off the bus full of homosexuals AND his favorite barnyard animal is a PIG! #1 in my book, too. Virgin Jesse would help his uncle Jack off that tricky roof, but his favorite farm animal is a chicken so I'm a little disappointed in him.
-Willy Wonka and Friar had to drink from Virgin Jesse's very white shoes, and Friar even licked up every last drop. No surprise there; we'd expect nothing less from Friar.
-Snap Off got an honor down-down for her first trail after becoming a US Citizen!
-Backsliders Snap Off, Poopie Chutes, Yankee, and Puff and Stuff were called in to drink for their blatant disregard for the hash.
-Toomuchhead did a hot dog down-down! (It was as impressive as it sounds.)
-Sweat test failures included Downward Facing Dyke and Twat Tart.
-Puff and Stuff was called into circle to celebrate 10 YEARS of hashing! We also sang a very Hashy Birthday as well.
***Namings of Just Brandon and Just Katie***
First, our hare Just Brandon was called into the circle. He'd been with us for a while, c*mming every week since his virginity was taken. Hell, he'd c*m everyday if he could. Many suggestions were thrown out there by the pack: Lumber Jack Off (he won some lumberjack competition), Erect Penis Ass-ociation (EPA), Swollen Balls, Two Girls One Family (a personal favorite of mine). He told us a story about this one time he was fisting his sister, or maybe it was some girl and his sister walked in and joined them ... who really knows. The important thing is he got named "Little Sister Fister"! Please refer to him by his hash name from this day forth and always.
After Sis got covered in beer, it was time to call Just Katie into the circle. She had been once thrown back and the hash was determined to get her a good name. She told us a riveting tale about how this one time she was 20 at a college party and she hooked up with a 15 year old! "He told me he was 18," was all she had to say for herself. She also happens to be from that place in California where all the swallows go. Suggestions were as follows: Cradle Bitch, 15 Will Getcha 20, Just Swallows, and Baby Boinker. Ultimately, "Statutory Swallows" won out! She will hence forth be referred to as that forever. Or until she does something really dumb.
*Hashers, please know that the Dot Tavern is a very hash friendly place to be! They had free hot dogs, and after a while, the bartender loved us so much he was passing out free pitchers for our circle. If you will be haring a trail in that area, consider stopping at Dot Tavern at 840 Dorchester Avenue in Dorchester!
Overheard on Trail:
"She walked out of the bar and all I heard was, 'I can't find my vagina.'"
-Willy Wonka and the Backdoor Factory
"I feel bad running through these projects, like we're assholes."
"Nah. We're just showing them they should be running."
"So you're saying WE'RE not assholes?"
-Exchange between Just Katie*** and a guy, (possibly a virgin) with long hair