Missed a hash? Catch up on all the trash here...
|Epic Hashing Weekend
(about 6 years ago)
This scribe got lost in that damned Danvers Corn Maze this week. I REFUSED to call 911 like those pansies though, (seriously, you can WALK THROUGH CORN "WALLS") so that's why this post is a tad late...
Hashers, there were three, count 'em, THREE opportunities to hash this past weekend! This only happens maybe once every six months: Full Moon Friday, 3rd An*l Pearl Necklace Saturday, and the good 'ol standby Sunday hash.
SO: Here's what you missed if you didn't hash at all this weekend. (...more virgins and beer for the rest of us!)
BMH3 #110 Friday 10/14/11
1) A rainy, cold moon hash that included locals and visitors from far and wide alike!
2) SO MUCH BEER at said moon hash.
3) Inaugural trail for new GMs Balls Deep and T Bags!
4) An hours late T Bags blaming traffic for his tardiness, but we really know he was working on his swag in the mirror to try to seduce harriettes later that evening...
5) It really cannot be stressed enough that there was SO MUCH BEER. This is why Moon trails are the best trails.
3rd An*l Pearl Necklace "Wicked Itch of the East" Saturday 10/15/11
Hares: There were a lot of them
Bag Car: There were a lot of them (or just one?)
Pack: About 45 unlucky wankers from near and far that were crazy enough to rego!
Visitors: Yoron, Harlot, Squatch, Roscoe ... and a lot of other people.
Pre-lube started at Tavern on the Water. In case you were wondering, Tavern on the Water is in fact on the water, and no where near any T stop. Except one bus line. Who's idea was that? There was, however, a magnificent view of Boston to remind us all of the city we crisscross weekly. And most importantly, there was BEER.
After a quick chalk talk where were all discussed where one visiting hasher may end up after sufficiently drunk that evening, we went out to find trail. (Anyone know what actually happened to him?) The pack promptly got lost within the first five minutes. Tricky hares. The first leg led us to some glorious truck stops with Porno Mags galore! The first circle included some big butt beauties found on the pages of those magazines, and some very, VERY drunk hares. It ended when we ran out of beer. A sad sight to see.
The second leg of trail led us through Chelsea and East Boston for a beer check under Route 1, a terribly marked trail where this scribe got separated from the pack, got lost, and ultimately ended up stopping into Dunkin Donuts to refuel with a delicious hot latte. Not the Dirty Sanchez kind, sorry boys. Poor AB got injured and had to limp off to lay down and die... By the time the scribe caught up with the pack at the second circle in Belle Isle Marsh, the pack had picked up a spontaneous virgin!! Can you believe it? We are an attractive bunch; I guess she couldn't resist our charm. We also celebrated the completion of the 13 beer challenge by FRBBB, Maid of Honor, and someone else. They could barely stand.
Third leg of trail finally included some lunch, and found us drunkenly stumbling into Beachmont and Revere. Honestly, I don't really remember what happened, except that we r*n in a straight line for a very long time until we wound up at The Cove! Third circle and the celebration of the end of Pearl Necklace commenced. We renamed an out-of-town hasher from Burlington, VT. Her NEW name is Harlot Globe Fondler!
Hashers listen up! We named Just Kathryn! She will forever now be known at the hash as Tail Gagger! She also goes down in history as the fastest naming ever at the Boston Hash.
BH3 Sunday Trail #(figuring that out...) 10/16/11
"The Longest Fat Boy Trail EVER"
Bag car: Butler
Sub-Dementress: Oink Oink
Scribe: Oink Oink
Pre-Lube: Punter's Pub
Pack: Roscoe, Nips, Assburger, Goat, Bros, Douche, Better Late then Pregnant, Dribbles, Just Dave, Just Frank, Sugar Hump Fairy, Just Brandon, Just Arjil, Pat My Fly, Just Mark, Just James, Oink Oink, and Virgin Liz!
We all knew it was c*mming. A wonderful fatboy trail where we could drink beer while slowly moseying along. Wiki was dressed in jeans at the bar and he didn't even bring chalk or flour to mark trail and was begging for donations. And then Bros happened. Bros made a comment to Wiki that not everyone had been at Pearl Necklace the day before. Wiki felt compelled to give these lazy wankers a trail; he changed into appropriate clothing and took off.
The hare got lost. And so did the pack. A huge Mass Ave intersection left us completely blindsided and lost for 15 minutes. In fact, we trudged along for almost FOUR MILES before we found the first beer check in the Fens. Our favorite game Bag-O began! Pat got into the check just as we were leaving and had no beer to drink and no orange food to eat! About a mile after the first check the trail changed to cajun. Wiki was out of chalk and the pack was about to be on their own. After two miles we came upon a Shaw's Supermarket. Second check was in an alley behind it - chosen specifically so Wiki could buy flour to continue trail. You heard that right. We had now covered over six miles and Wiki was buying materials to continue trail. Fortunately, Wiki knew there would be a mutiny if he didn't mark trail and lead us to some beer soon. Flour was strewn all about the sidewalks - not in clumps - in lines so the pack couldn't get lost. And then it happened: We found the On-In exactly where we had left it. We staggered into Punter's Pub, an A-A "fat boy" trail complete.
-Wiki got called into circle of course. Who sets a 7+ mile trail after a Pearl Necklace?
-Bros was called into circle for causing the 7+ mile trail
-Virgin Liz was called into circle and Oink tried her hardest to de-virginize properly. At least we got to witness the demonstration of her favorite sexual position!
-Overachievers were called in for attending all three trails: Assburger, Roscoe, Wiki, Bros, and Yoron
-Visitors: Yoron and Roscoe
-Sweat test failure: Cherry Poppin' Patty
-A few wankers stopped for food on trail: Yoron, Better Late, and Douche all stopped to eat! In the middle of trail!
-Backslider: Better Late than Pregnant
So there you have it! Detrails are of course fuzzy due to copious amounts of beer, but you can be sure you missed an epic weekend of debauchery.
Don't forget that AGM is this upcoming weekend! See bostonhash.com or our very own twitter feed @BostonHash for detrails.
|Angry Birds Hash
(over 6 years ago)
Thanks to Twat and Clit Notes for setting this trail, and Willy for getting all our sh*t to the end!
-T*ts (1/2 RA, Scribe, and Hash Cash for this trail)
|Hot Tub Redneck Hash
(over 6 years ago)
The Pack: around 40-45 - I dunno... the 2nd cumming has attendance, ask him.
Just Kyle was named accidental golden shower. Family business was rejected.
|Mardi Parking Garage Hash
(over 6 years ago)
Hares: Goat Throat and Fire in the Hole
RA/Bag Car: Bend Over Mommy
Scribe: Jolly GREEN Vagina
Sweat Test Failure: Just Meg
Weather: Overcast and cool
Pack: HR Puffnstuff, High Anus, Sh*tty Meats, Grease My Monkey’s Nuts, Virgin Collins, Virgin Michelle, Just Kat, Just Kyle, Virgin Sean, Inconvenient Poop, Virgin Mike #1, Virgin Mike #2, Just Nicole, Just Matt, Time of the Munch, Rosetta Bone, Necrophiliac Jack, Yankee Pay Five Dollar More, Dribbles, Wikipedophelia, Spank Me May I Have My Mother, Friar F*ck, Stop the Flood Plug the Dyke, Boston Strangler, Peppermint P*ssy, Vagina Dentata, Just Brad
Last Sunday’s trail began at Cornerstone Pub at Broadway. I don’t recall ever going there before, and it seemed like a fairly unremarkable kind of place. Except for the GMILF convention going on in the banquet room. I’m not really sure what the occasion was, but hey ... GMILFs. Rawr.
The trail was ostensibly a Mardi Gras theme, although there was little evidence of this. Fire and Goat were both wearing some sort of white face paint, but on the other hand it could have been sunscreen because this is the time of year that UV levels start getting dangerous if you're a ginger. Friar showed up in some sort of blue leotard that made me thankful I’m colorblind; however, this is also fairly typical Friar attire more or less year round. Stop the Flood was wearing a green bikini over her r*nning clothes. When pressed to explain how this related to anything remotely Mardi Gras-like, she explained, “It’s the warmest day of the week, so why not?” So ... yeah.
Trail started out by going over that weird overpass over 93, and then immediately took us into what I have since realized was the real theme for the afternoon’s hash: parking lots. Lots and lots of parking lots, in all their infinite varieties. Wide open parking lots. Wide open parking lots covered with snow banks. Wide open parking lots covered with snow banks and surrounded by chain link fences. Wide open parking lots in hollowed out brick buildings patrolled by cranky janitors and surrounded by snow banks. And, of course, parking garages.
After our first song check in a parking lot in a hollowed out brick building patrolled by a cranky janitor, we climbed over a snow bank and blundered into a playground full of Tit Check. Let me explain: there were some sort of hopscotch-looking circles painted on a walkway that went halfway around the area. Each one had been thoughtfully tagged with a nipple, so that even that chick with the three hooters from Total Recall would have had to spend like a full minute flashing in order to pass all of them legit. Or I suppose she could have just run through and left the guys in the cold, like our harriettes did.
Then we ran through another parking lot. Then we ran under a parking garage. Then we ran half way around the BU Medical Center Parking Garage. Then we ran up into the BU Medical Center Parking Garage, where we had a beer check. Afterwards, we ran around the other half of the BU Medical Center Parking Garage and then sang “My Girl is a Vegetable” in front of the Emergency Room.
Trail then took us through a blissfully short stretch of non-parking lots before pulling up to a T/E split ... in the middle of a parking lot. Since almost everyone was Zenning around the edge of the parking lot, and the Eagle was clearly, “Climb this half-acre of grungy snow bank and then rejoin trail,” everyone opted for the Turkey.
Peppermint, however, realized that the hares had left a bottle of some quality whiskey (by which I mean it maybe cost upwards of six bucks a quart) on the snow bank. In an amazing display of hardcore alcoholism, she climbed a chain link fence, retrieved the whiskey, and returned to the pack with it, whereupon Sh*tty Meats and Grease My Monkey’s Nuts drank about half.
Beer check #2 was at Roxbury Community College. In a parking lot. However, it was a parking lot right next to a Roxbury Community College building, so that we could look through the windows and check out the students’ projects for their Shop Class while we drank. We were also directly across the street from the Boston Police Department, which made the pack a bit nervous, so that when some random guy drove up and parked next to the bag car, everyone panicked, chugged, and bolted.
The final leg of the trail was fairly short, mostly consisting of a circle jerk around the ugliest architecture that Northeastern University has to offer. As ugly architecture goes, Northeastern has some pretty impressive sh*t. Trail ended at Punter’s Pub.
Highlights of the circle included Goat going topless and then performing an impromptu (and unasked for) Dick Check, although it took him an uncomfortably long time to locate his junk. When Virgin Mike #2 was asked his favorite sexual position, he responded, “Pile driver,” which I had thought was more of a professional wrestling move than a sexual position, although apparently I was mistaken. He was then asked to demonstrate this position with Virgin Mike #1, which Virgin Mike #2 attempted with both great enthusiasm and a certain degree of confusion as to which parts plug into where. For his part, Virgin Mike #1 seemed very eager to bottom, leading Just Matt to remark, “No doubt about who’s the man in this one.”
Wikipedophilia was brought in for a down-down for having “gay-ass” shoes, which were slip-on leather penny-loafers or some kind of crap. There was a token protest, but when you’re wearing slip-on leather penny-loafers to a hash, you’re pretty much guaranteed to be drinking out of those motherf*ckers because they are clearly f*cking gay-ass. Circle ended with Swing Low, towers of beer, and some vaguely pizza-flavored grease.
Overheard on trail
|World Cup Hash
(over 7 years ago)
HARES: Twat My Mom and Night of the Giving Head and Goes Down on Buoys as the shitty Sweeper.
BAG CAR: I Eat Tea Bags
PRE-LUBE: JJ Foley’s Fireside Tavern: Across from Forest Hill Station
BEER CHECK: 1. In Franklin Park somewhere 2. In old Bear Cages Franklin Park
SCRIBE: Sugar Plum Fairy
JUSTS: Dan, Hayley (Snatchlight), Melody, her friend, Mike, Ray, Kath, Alicia and Ben
VISITORS: Mincer (Sheffield H3), Tight Sphincter (Munich H3), Silent But Deadly (Guam)
VIRGINS: Jeremy (Sponsored by Mincer)
LATE CUMMERS: Bend Over Mommy, Octopussy, Beat By A Girl, Pygmy Poker (from Guam by way of New Bedford.)
High Anus, Dribbles, The 2nd Cumming, Bondage Barbie, Catheter the Great, Sucker’s Bet, Dirty Latte Sanchez, Twat Tart, Taj My Hole, Immaculate Erection, Necrophiliac Jack, Grease My Monkey’s Nuts, Spoonful of Semen, A La Cunte, I Licked Butts, Bring out the Gimp, Goat Throat, Cum is Kosher (driving her car right through the Chalk Talk) with Schindler’s Fist, Cum Locker and Accidentally Anal.
On a dark and drizzly night, hashers gathered together at JJ Foley’s Fireside Tavern wearing their favorite soccer playing nations colors for a wet and lovely run around JP. Chalk Talk was interrupted by Cum is Kosher in a “ look at me I’m Lady Gaga” moment driving her car directly through circle after which the Cajun trail made it’s way down the street east toward the overpass. Trail then went right up the hill into the Forest Hills Cemetery where Night of the Giving Head got his name a year ago at the Zombie hash. Possibly because he remembered what happened last time he went through there, NOTHGH and Twat decided to make it a short trip through the cemetery and out the main gate. Bringing up the rear I noticed that the Zombie Police were on hand to make sure we made it safely out of the cemetery. It’s great that we have a sweeper to make sure everyone is able to find trail, but who finds trail when the sweeper gets lost, WITH A FUCKING MAP! Goes Down On Buoys was trying his best to help us stragglers find the first beer check, and kept going different which would have been okay except that HE HAD A FUCKING MAP! So, fanning out in different directions, finding bits of trail here and there and bellowing RUs and listening for On-Ons, we finally found the first beer check on a rock outcropping in somewhere in Franklin Park. Deciding to trust to providence and not Buoys anymore, we followed trail out of the first beer check and after a swing around a football stadium we found ourselves in the old over grown and abandoned Franklin Park Zoo bear cages. Although they looked like a set out of the television series LOST, they were actually used in the filming of “Mystic River,” according to a local film historian or some alcoholic hasher. We left the beer check en route to the On-In where some people decided that they would get there faster if they followed Buoys and guess what? He got lost AGAIN. Poor Buoys. Basically trail left the cages went down a hill to Washington St where we turned left and entered the back room at Doyles.
CIRCLE AND ON-IN
The 2nd Cumming and Necrophiliac Jack did RA by committee and one of the best comments on trail was “What a waste of the date of 69.” For which the hares were given a well-deserved down down. People drank for various offenses, like visiting and not ever hashing before or not hashing lately and then Just Hayley came up for her naming. Unfortunately, Hayley had made the unfortunate mistake of dating Twat My Mom and Just Dan who proceeded to lay her whole sexual history open to the hash. She was almost named Jug Burns for getting her nips rubbed bloody on a rug next to the hot tub while she was being……..you know. But it was her use of a flash light as a sexual aid that bestowed upon her the name, “Snatchlight,” and so she shall be known hereafter. Later On Just Dan was laughing it up afterward but Dan didn’t seem to
forget that being a “Just” means he will be named soon and payback is gonna be a bitch..
HEARD AT THE HASH
“All right Princess. Let’s go,” Twat My Mom to Night of the Giving Head as they left to set trail.
P.S. Nobody knows if Buoys made it home though he did have a map.