Hash House Harriers

a drinking club with a running problem

Hash Trash

Missed a hash? Catch up on all the trash here...

| Furry Hash | Pickup Hash | Blue Moon Hash #2 | Blue Moon Hash #1 | The Mad Hatter Hash |

Furry Hash (over 8 years ago)
Hares: Maid of Honor, An*l Beads
Bag Car: C*mlocker
RA: Necrophiliac Jack

Pack: Brigham Tongue, Vagetarian, Better Late Than Pregnant, Tampon Jelly, High An*s, Bring Out the Gimp, Octop*ssy, Mooseknuckles, N*pples Erectus, Necrophiliac Jack, The Buttler Hit It, Catheter the Great, Nice T*ts, Bleeps, Sweeps, and Creeps, Bend Over Mommy, Goat Throat, e=I'm a Douche, One Girl Two Cups, My Chemical Homance, Schindler's Fist, Pbvzzzzzz, F*cks All, Just Rebecca, Just Susan, Dirty Latte Sanchez, Tw*t My Mom, Jamaican Me Cum

Latecummer: Just Melvin (showed up at or around the first beer check and took his usual place as FRB)
Wangers: Beat By A Girl, Dude Where's My Virginity, Krusty the Meat Miser, P*bic Service Announcement, Spunk In The Trunk

Pre-lube: Charlie's Kitchen, Harvard Square, Cambridge
On-after: The Pub, Ball Square, Somerville
Weather: Clear, sunny, and cold (20s)

Amazingly the entire pack wasn't wasted at the start thanks to the slaughter masquerading as a Patriots game and not enough parfaits. Gagh, well there's always next year.

Given that this was a furry hash, some people came well prepared. Mooseknuckles had moose ears (nice!). The hares, of course, were hares (haha), Tw*t My Mom was a bloody version of the Cookie Monster, e=I'm a Douche was a gorilla, and Bring Out the Gimp wore a yellow chicken outfit brought by Maid of Honor because Necrophiliac Jack refused to wear it. Guess he must have been concerned about his appearance that day because he had gotten a haircut and complained that none of the people who mentioned it actually said he looked good. Octop*ssy asked Douche if he had a head, which was hilarious on many levels.

Goat Throat was visiting and apparently confused red cellophane with fur, as he was wearing a copy of his attire for the Seacoast Red Dress run, namely he wrapped himself in red cellophane and called it a day. I really hope there are pictures of this on Hashspace because it was probably the most weather-inappropriate attire I have ever seen. Also on our way to bag car a civilian told Goat that his shoes didn't go with his dress – although I am hard pressed to think of shoes that would go with that dress.

I am also compelled to note that BBAG showed up with a standing lamp for Catheter the Great, who announced she was not taking it on trail. But it was a nice lamp.

Bag car was parked on JFK but since no one knew exactly where on JFK we walked the long way around the block in the freezing cold weather. In the process of getting to bag car we found a check so after an extremely abbreviated chalk talk we headed immediately to the check. About half the pack apparently found the right trail but either didn't tell the rest of us or, more likely, we couldn't hear them due to the lovely sounds of Harvard Square. The rest of us tried to find trail, heading towards Harvard Square proper. We didn't find trail but some Japanese tourists took our picture.

Eventually we did find trail but were quite confused to find a mark pointing the wrong way. This was one thing leading up to the check we found but entirely another once we were on-on and heading in the proper direction. Heh. Anyway trail led down a few blocks and back up across Mount Auburn and up to the Harvard campus. Just inside the gates there was a song check where we sang a few verses of "Yogi."

Inevitably, trail led up the stairs, past the libraries and through what is apparently called the Sever Quadrangle. Less inevitably, trail did not go up the art museum ramp but instead just went around the corner on Cambridge Street. After running past the library yard pack somehow got lost even though the marks were fine. Eventually we found where we were going, saw a BN, and from there it was a quick run into the first beer check which was outside An*l Beads' place.

At this beer check the hares reported that they had already had their photos taken with an Indian family and a cop. Wonder what the cop thought about two hares running around on a night other than Halloween. Buttler had managed to find a very large frozen cucumber on trail, and Necrophiliac Jack was heard saying "I just got shanked by chalk, and not in a good way." As opposed to getting shanked [by chalk] in a good way I suppose.

After quickly drinking our beers (hey it was cold), we headed out – crazy me I hit a F, but the rest of the pack went the right way. Due to this I was near the back of the pack when entering Lincoln Park and encountered some guy laughing maniacally at us from 100 feet away. At first I thought this was another hasher but I guess it was just some random guy but he was literally cackling at us – loudly – he sounded evil. Not even kidding.

Running away from the scary-*ss guy we continued up and around through the streets of Somerville. When crossing, I think Highland Ave., I heard one of the funnier comments on trail: "The chicken went that way and hasn't come back yet." Well, it was funny at the time. Right around this time Buttler found a Christmas wreath on trail which he wore the rest of the time. Kind of furry, I suppose.

The promised urban shiggy was in the form of going through a fence and along live train tracks before veering off the tracks and running past an abandoned and half-collapsed International Paper Company factory where we had our second beer check. The hares clearly had the most fun today because they ran into some crazy lady who was going off about how much she loved rabbits. To snuggle, or to eat … or both, perhaps! The hares ran away before being subjected to any of this.

After the beer check trail was pretty well a straight shot to The Pub. Oh, silly me, no, the on-in wasn't inside on a freezing cold day instead it was in the parking lot across the street by the train tracks. In the hares' defense I suppose that with the NFL playoffs on it was probably hard to find a bar that would allow our shenanigans.

It was far too cold for me to take any sort of notes so apologies for the sparseness of the recounting of circle. The hares sang us "My Girl's a Vegetable" and pretty much right when that was done the pack got really cold.

I do remember that there was a social for everyone not in costume (which was at least half the pack).

Buttler accused Bloody P*ssy (who dat?) of losing her dildo on trail and produced what was at this point a broken frozen cucumber. Lovely …

We tried to name Just Melvin (who really does need a name) but were far too cold to think of anything creative. Which is good because I was too cold to write any suggested names down. He was tossed back and the pack went through quite probably the fastest version of "Swing Low" in recorded history, much to the apparent disgust of the RA, who was probably too cold himself much to care that he lost control.

I had to leave just after circle so I'm not sure what debauchery went on at The Pub at the on-after.

I am now going to get on my soapbox and implore winter hares: Unless your trail is long (like over 5 miles), consider having only one beer check. Beer checks are cold, we lose our warmup, and there's less money to spend drinking at the on-after where it's warm. Just my $.02.

- Brigham Tongue
Pickup Hash (over 8 years ago)
Hares: Necrophiliac Jack, 5 Inch Penalty, Shawsk*nk
RA: Shawsk*ank
Pack: Bend Over Mommy, Dribbles, Just Sam, Brigham Tongue, Octop*ssy, Just Melvin, The Buttler Hit It, e=I'm a Douche, C*umlocker, Virgin Desiree
Wangers: Vagetarian, Jamaican Me C*m, Stick It To the Bros, Bondage Barbie, Twat My Mom, I Eat Tea Bags
Pre-lube & On-In: Sligo in Davis Square
Weather: Clear and cold (20s)

A pickup hash, in case you are not aware, is where the first hare runs until he or she gets caught, then the snare becomes the hare. The unfortunate part of this is that the FRBs become the hare, thus leading to perhaps a longer hangover hash than people were anticipating. Oh, also this was a Cajun trail.

So Jack walks into Sligo looking like death warmed over, or at least someone who had a really, really, REALLY good time at the Twelve Bars of Hashmas. Unfortunately for him, because he was hoping no one would show up, a bunch of crazy hashers did indeed make the trek.

Eventually Jack realized that the sooner he got started the sooner we'd be done and went off to go lay trail. Eventually the rest of us decided it might be about time to go follow him, so after a quick chalk talk (we *did* have a virgin after all) and were off. We ran through Davis Square but probably for the first time ever, did not run through the T station but instead headed up Holland Street before cutting west and running through the neighborhoods. At one point along the bike path we hit a check and one direction had a whole bunch of snow plows out so we sincerely hoped trail did not go there as the marks would be gone. Luckily, it did not.

Trail wound up to, and through, St. Paul's Cemetery by route 16. On the far side of this, on Broadway, 5 Inch Penalty finally caught Jack who had stopped to walk. And a good thing, too, at the rate we were going we probably never would have caught him!

5 Inch led us down Broadway back into Somerville. So we figured at this point, this being a hangover hash and all, that trail would lead back down Holland in a relatively straight manner back to Sligo. Boy were we wrong! I'm not exactly sure where we went but we wound up running north through the hills over to, and through, the Tufts campus. At this point C*mlocker had a particularly bad hash crash but, like Wes Welker (too soon?), she made it up and was able to walk. Unlike Wes Welker, she was able to run so it was all good.

Shawsk*nk snared 5 Inch on College Ave very near Sligo, so her part of trail lasted all of about 5 minutes but was notable because we doubled the distance we ran by not paying attention when trail turned, and trail led us through a parking lot and courtyard with a door that I at first couldn't open. Happily I figured it out because the fence didn't look sturdy enough to climb.

For some reason the pack was less than enthusiastic in our singing. I think we were all shellshocked that the trail was more than about a mile! Virgin Desiree either did not remember or did not want to share her first sexual experience. I'm not really sure which of those options I prefer. Anyway as a result her sponsor Octop*ssy had to share (and demonstrate) her favorite sexual position which happens to be reverse cowgirl. Excellent choice Octop*ssy.

Anyway, accusations:

  1. Jack for technology on trail (Buttler and I joined him as we all had YakTrax)
  2. E=I'm a Douche for being himself (best accusation ever!)
  3. Just Sam for sitting in circle (ha I should do a down-down right now for spelling sitting "citting" twice in a row, well it is about time to go to the gym and what workout is complete without beer??)
  4. Octop*ssy for having a cranium cover on in circle while sponsoring a virgin (not such a good choice Octop*ssy)
  5. C*mlocker for her hash crash
  6. Social for everyone who didn't attend all 12 bars the night before
  7. Social because the pack was not singing
  8. Bros for jumping at the wrong verse of "Dinah"
  9. Jamaican Me C*m for falsely accusing me of technology in circle when I was trying to take notes (one of these days I'll need to remember to bring paper and a pen hey…)
  10. 5 Inch Penalty for eating yellow snow
  11. The Buttler Hit It for thinking that U-N-C-L-E spells daddy
  12. Virgin Desiree for wearing underwear (boxers) as outerwear
  13. Bondage Barbie, Tw*t My Mom, & I Eat Tea Bags – latec*mmers
  14. Me for accusing the accusations of being repetitive and boring and refusing to continue to record them
  15. Shawsk*nk for prominently displaying her n*pples in circle (yes, she did keep her shirt on making the feat much more impressive)
  16. Bros for leaving circle to watch football
  17. Bros for not paying attention when he was being accused of leaving circle to watch football
  18. Bros for hitting on the virgin (apparently his pickup line is "You'd make a good beer bitch." Ouch …)
  19. Virgin Desiree for being scared of us (gee now I have to wonder WHY ….)
At this point we wrapped up circle and all went to get food from Anna's. Mmmm Anna's … oh yeah and more beer too. That's it for now – next up: The Furry Hash!

- Brigham Tongue
Blue Moon Hash #2 (over 8 years ago)
Hares: Cocksmith, The Crying Gay
Bag Car & Navigator: Just Amanda, Vagetarian
Pre-lube: Red Hat Cafe near Government Center
Weather: Clear and cold (20s)
RA: SUPER Teflon Dong
Pack: Glitorus, General *ss Pounder, Cum is Kosher, Mr Papagiorgio, Invisidick, Saskapoon, Bloody P*ssy, Peppermint P*ssy, Hoover McSuck'n'F*ck, P*bic Service Announcement, Octop*ssy, Father Shishkaboob, Just Mike, Crucifux, e=I'm a Douche, Nipples Erectus, Time of the Munch, Tampon Jelly, Bondage Barbie, What Can Brown Do To You?, Schindler's Fist, Tw*t My Mom

Wangers –OR– People That I Don't Recall Seeing On Trail Or At Circle But Who Did Show Up Either Before The Hash, After The Hash, Or Both: Wang Chunks, An*l Beads, Dirty Latte Sanchez, Catheter the Great, Dude Where's My Virginity, Beat By A Girl, Krusty the Meat Miser, Shawsk*nk, Redtail Swallows, Stretch P*ssy

So it turns out that this may not have been a real blue moon. I am no longer in any way sure what a blue (blew?) moon actually is so I'm just going to shut up and talk about trail. Blue moon or not it was the last Boston-area hash of the year!

A very large group of hashers congregated at the Red Hat Café much to the bemusement of the locals (oh, wait, that isn't news. Moving on …). The Red Hat did have red jello shots, upon hearing which SUPER Teflon Dong immediately ordered 5. Not all for himself. Really.

After extricating the runners from the drinkers, the pack left the lovely Red Hat Café and spontaneous RA visiting from goodness-knows-where-anymore SUPER Teflon Dong led an energetic rendition of "Michael Jackson Likes Little Boys." Saskapoon was already drunk at this point. Remember this fact.

Pack found trail pretty quickly, through a parking lot, behind the State House … and through the winding streets of Beacon Hill. Somewhere along the way we managed to lose trail for no good reason except that it looked like trail would go around a 20-foot fence. Oh and those false trails didn't help but we pretty quickly learned that all the flour trails were falses and started ignoring them. At least until they stopped all being falses. Trail wound back over Cambridge Street and past a bunch of cops and the Whole Foods before taking us on a guided tour of a bunch of hospitals. Right about when I lost my bearings there was a turkey-eagle split. The eagle leg led up some stairs and down into the parking lot for Mass Eye & Ear, location of the first beer check.

Bag Car wasn't at the beer check because she had gone to find a parking spot. Unfortunately all the way around, she was delayed getting back due to parking in a garage and losing the ticket in the dashboard of the car … and while Just Amanda and Vagetarian's hands may fit some other places just fine, they didn't fit down the dashboard of the car.

Somewhere on trail Tampon Jelly had found a frilly pink …. I don't know – dishcloth? He said it must be a harriette's negligee. Well it did have satin on the outside. Perhaps in his dreams harriettes wear square pieces of cloth about 1 square foot in size for clothing but not on a cold December night!

Also at this beer check, Saskapoon announced "I wish I were a smokin' hot chick!" In his defense, he was drunk at the time. Remember this fact.

Pack took off because we were cold and had been there for at least 15 minutes. Trail led down Storrow and did *not* go over the pedestrian bridge but instead wound through more of the West End. At one point there was a turkey-eagle split and the FRBs announced that the eagle trail was a YBF. Tricky hares!

After dangerously proceeding through Leverett Circle (a few hashers jumped out in front of cars, a particularly bad idea at that intersection!) we found a park with the second beer check. Rather, we found the hares claiming that this was the location of the second beer check. But bag car wasn't there. Apparently the pack isn't supposed to leave until bag car leaves or something. Whatever. We were cold. And were cold again waiting for beer – but the beer arrived and all was well. At this beer check GAP shared a couple tricks of the trade including how to make beer float.

Eventually we realized the hares were away and since we were cold again, took off.

Trail wound through the park then towards North Station. When in doubt, trail goes through … as it did in this case. Trail was marked with yellow sticky notes; emerging on the other side the pack pretty quickly figured out that trail did not go over a two-story concrete wall but instead led around the wall, over the dam by the state police and to the no-name park under the Zakim Bridge.

Pretty sure our RA was drunk by the time circle started so there was much craziness, singing of songs, and handing out of tags to people who attended both blue moon hashes.

  1. Hash crash – Bloody P*ssy (enabled me to say the word eponymous in a sentence, never a bad thing!), Bondage Barbie, The Crying Gay, P*bic Service Announcement
  2. Dumping beer (alcohol abuse!!!) – Tampon Jelly
  3. Moonburn – Bloody P*ssy & Hoover McSuck'n'F*ck
  4. Serious situations (or some such) – Crucifux for her engagement to I Eat C*m, and Immaculate for his son's bar mitzvah.
  5. FRB/FBI (aka cheaters, apparently??) – Father Shishkaboob and Octop*ssy
  6. The hares were made to shotgun beers because bag car was so late to the beer check.
Then Tampon Jelly danced around with his pink thing.

Finally all attendees of both blue moon hashes partook of the bottle of Blue Moon Grand Cru that was provided for the occasion. Nice of them to make a special edition drink in honor of our hash!

At some point along here Saskapoon wanted to say something about the hash drunk, whose birthday it was that day. Saskapoon was drunk and apparently forgot that the Boston Moon Hash is *not* the Boston Hash, whereupon Saskapoon was nominated as hash drunk of the Boston Moon Hash. The pack roared in approval, and we now have an official hash drunk!

Finally, realizing it was cold and we were due at The Cellar for on-after, circle ended and we were out.

- Bloody P*ssy
Blue Moon Hash #1 (over 8 years ago)
Hares: Bloody P*ssy, Bondage Barbie
Bag Car: Hoover McSuck `n' F*ck
RA: Glitorus
Pre-lube: Victory Pub in East Boston
Weather: Clear and mid-40s (some light rain started up as circle was ending)

Pack: Octop*ssy, I Eat Tea Bags -> The Crying Gay, The 2nd C*mming, High An*s, Invisidick, Just Amanda (Houston transplant), Just Amanda (Stuttgart transplant), Cocksmith, Bring Out the Gimp, N*pples Erectus, Hash Mattress, Inspector Gadget, Chunnel (I heard she got renamed but she was Chunnel that day), D*ck Jockey, Just Melvin, Far From F*cking, F*cks All, Just Ben, Mooseknuckles, Peppermint P*ssy, Father Shishkabob, Just Mike

Not the brightest idea in the world to have the hare write hash trash but I guess that's what you get and, after all, never let the truth get in the way of a good story. Sooooooo …

From Victory Pub, trail headed down to a not-at-all-dangerous-to-be-finding-trail-around rotary, and from there a couple of blocks to the base of a hill and then UP three flights of stairs to the Madonna Queen National Shrine, perfect location for a t*t check, followed by a d*ck check 1 block later before trail headed DOWN the same hill the pack had just run up. Suckers.

From there trail went around a curve over, and through the Suffolk Downs T stop. On the way, one hasher (to remain nameless) just HAD to write their hash initials in wet pavement. Leaving our mark in East Boston … the first beer check was just after the T station in Belle Island Marsh Reservation. The beer check location was particularly notable due to the planes landing at Logan flying about 200 feet above. Invisidick was the first runner to the beer check, mainly because he managed to get lost on trail and zenned his way to the beer check. While we're on the subject of Invisidick, he managed to show up for a moon hash with advertised shiggy without a cranium lamp, OR a cranium cover. Oddly enough, he took up Bring Out the Gimp's offer to borrow a spare cranium cover, but not fleshlight. Wish I'd remembered that when I was filling out nominations for the Hash Darwin award.

After the beer check, trail wound through the reservation with a false trail over a bridge ending by some crazy-looking structure … maybe a lookout tower or something, before heading back to the main road, through a ball field, through some tennis courts, up a hill, back down a hill, and then straight through the marsh. Luckily it was not high tide but nonetheless I managed to take a wrong step and sink in up to my knee (luckily I could get out, stranded hare would make for a fun snare for everyone involved but me!), and one of the other hashers managed to have a marsh crash as well. This segment of trail was accompanied by much whining about potentially toxic sludge and the potential presence of rotting mob bodies.

Trail continued down an access road, near the beach and paused for a song check at the bottom of a hill by a highly decorated house. After climbing up the hill, trail wound around to give the pack a lovely view of Boston before heading back down the hill. At this point Cocksmith decided to cut across the lawn which was not received well by the property owner who promptly shouted "No no no no no no no Get Off My Property!"

After this, the pack followed trail through puddles, a stand of sumacs, a bunch of construction equipment, and over a fence before continuing through the projects and then through some very, VERY dark streets in Winthrop. I mean, what up Winthrop can't you afford ANY street lamps except on major roads? Sheesh … anyway the pack eventually emerged for beer check #2 which was at the other side of Belle Island Marsh in some scrub grass. At this beer check, the beer was supplemented by some blue Gatorade with blueberry vodka.

Due to sh*tty planning by the hares, we nearly ran out of chalk and had to borrow some from the pack but I was somewhat redeemed by storing said chalk in my bra. Not sure where Bondage Barbie put hers.

Following a sufficient pause, the hares departed leading the pack past a bunch of boats, behind a carwash and Dunkin' Donuts, past Belle Island Lobster & Seafood, and over to the ritzy neighborhood facing Logan Airport (no, that's not a contradiction in terms. There is water in between the two). At this point there was a turkey-eagle split, with the turkeys running on the road and the eagles descending to crawl along the rocks by the water. Trail reconvened by the Orient Heights Yacht Club, site of another d*ck check (apparently missed by the pack, sadly ….), and then ran along Constitution Beach in true Chariots of Fire fashion, ending between the hockey rink and the ocean. Somehow the pack got lost for about 5 minutes at a check about halfway along the beach, but eventually made it to the end.

Songs sung on trail included End of the Month, My Girl's a Vegetable, and I Used To Work in Chicago (when not being interrupted by planes flying overhead).

Here is a map of the trail, with some of the high (and low…) points noted

Notes on circle are a bit spotty but here is what I remember:

Hares' song: Free Beer for All the Hashers

DFLs: The moon GMs, Cocksmith and I Eat Tea Bags ambled in after circle started. Not entirely sure what was keeping them together on trail so long. Planning the next moon hash, perhaps? Yeah, that must be it….

Comments on trail: Not enough planes, checks too small, not enough marks with a smiley face and "BB" next to them, not enough d*ck checks, not enough t*t checks, no one ran on the Eagle trail, too much Air Lingus and not enough c*nnilingus

Winner of best spandex: Hash Mattress. Winner of worst spandex: I Eat Tea Bags.

Since I Eat Tea Bags was a moon GM without a moon name, the decision was made to name him. I didn't follow all the ins and outs, but The Crying Gay beat out I Prefer It in the Rear. I Eat Tea Bags will henceforth be known at the moon hash as The Crying Gay.

Due to sh*tty planning by the hares, there were only about 45 beers (including 12 Blue Moons, let it be known!) 30 blue jello shots, and the remaining Gatorade/vodka for circle, so Hoover volunteered to go out and get more beer. Before he returned with an additional 60 PBRs, the pack had been reduced to drinking blue Gatorade mixed with vodka for down-down drinks. Which would have been fine except that the ratio of Gatorade to vodka was about 69:1.

Following circle, the hash attempted to fit all the trash into the solar-powered trash compactor. It didn't work. A hardy contingent headed back to the pre-lube for the on-after but most hashers headed home. I later heard something about a "hash crash of the year" involving Hoover, a bunch of other hashers, and the 2nd Cumming's bag, but I was too busy downing free drinks at Victory Pub. I must say the locals at this particular bar were very bemused by the hash, to the point of insisting that Chunnel not leave on her own when she was clearly leaving with a decent-sized group. Good to know chivalry is still alive and well in East Boston.

- Bloody P*ssy (with help from Cocksmith and Bring Out the Gimp)
The Mad Hatter Hash (over 8 years ago)

Hares: Nice Tits and Just Jess (Chunnel)
Bag Car: Nipples Erectus
RA: 2nd Cumming and Necrophiliac Jack
Dementors: Beat By a Girl and Jamaican me C#m
Scribe: The Maid of Honor
Where: Pre Lube at the Powder House Pub 

Pack: (or as I like to call them: those F#ckers who wouldn't stop coming through the door making me write so much instead of drinking) An@l Beads, High Anus, Cock Monkey, Sh!tonya (Coolest H@sher from the north), Phbbbbzzt?, Hoover McSuck 'n F#ck, Suckit Wrench, Jimmy Crack Whore, Sugar Plum Fairy, Watergate, F#cks like a Rabbit, Piss Stop, Just Matt, Cocktologist, F#cksaw, Just Ted (Mooseknuckles), Cum Fly with me, Wicked Witch of the Wet (German visitor!), Tampon Jelly, Catheter the Great, Dude Where's my Virginity, Just Emmie, 5” penalty, Spank me may I have my mother, Sextra Credit, Octop#ssy, Bend Over Mommy, Goat Throat, Beat By A Girl, Hare Club, Just Mike, Spunk in the Trunk, Just Sager (A La C#nte), Bring out the Gimp, Grease My Monkey's Nuts, Far from F#ckin, Fire in the Hole, Granny Sex?, Just Jason, Mr Bean. 

Virgins: Virgin Andy, Under-aged Virgin Lea, Virgin Alden (dad of Virgin lea and Just Jason), Virgin Cat, Virgin Emma, Virgin Evan, Virgin Paula, Virgin Sarah (or as I think of her: “HOLY SH!T YOU MEAN SHE HAS A TWIN!?!?!? and to be referred to as by her future name of: Fire in the other hole!) 

Late C#mmers: Wang Chunks, Willy Wonka and the Back Door Factory, Jamaican me C#m, Bringham Tounge, The Buttler Hit It, Shawskank, Queer leader, Stretch P#ssy, Floppy D!ck

God I hope that is everyone. Took me long enough to write that all down. If I missed you, than you are probably not that cool for not introducing yourself to me. Now back to your social phobias and no heckling the Scribe! If this is not the case than you proved unmemorable. My suggestion would be to submit your name, number, and willingness to wear a furry costume while running on the side of a full be3r to the scribe. I digress!

The Pack started our day out at the Powder House Pub. (for all you future Hares this is a pretty god On-In. Very cheap be3r and pizza located next door. The owner has screwed us over with space a few times... but at $6 a pitcher we can be forgiving)

A mad mad assortment of hats was indeed on display. AB had a flasher hat, 2C had a bunny cap which later fellated him, and MOH demonstrated a proper respect for safe hashing by wearing a safety helmet. Virgin Alden had a goofy hat, which seems all the more appropriate as he brought us his under-aged virgin daughter. While we are very accepting of virgin sacrifices in the H@sh, we do insist that they can be legally inebriated before we do so. Soon... So Soon! (All creepiness brought to you courtesy of the mind-bending, Pedo Stache I'm sporting for next week's Stache H@sh at Our House East, 2:30 HST 11/29)

Interesting side note. I am writing this trash out on a new laptop. Apparently there is training period to get the spell checker in line with some of my terminology. For instance, “fellated” it refuses to accept or even give a comparable replacement for. And flagellated is fun but not what I was thinking just now. Save it for Stocks and Bondage round 2. 

Pre-lube notes:
AB: “Your stache is so awesome! I wish I had one to warn the kids about my proclativities. So jealous MOH!”
2C was labelled as “size M”

The Hares set out and the pack went outside for circle. The astounding number of virgins and visitors got the pack all hot and bothered. Perfect start for trail. We soused out trail. We really enjoyed finding a stop light which faced directly off of the train bridge at the beginning. No car has seen those lights in many years. Way to be MA DOT.

The trail wound it's way away from the comfort and normalcy of the Red Line. We wound our way deeper and deeper into East Somerville out of Camberville. Along the way the hares treated the pack to many a tit-check to which the fine ladies of the pack were happy to comply. Spreading joy and cheer to the pack and on-lookers.

We burst forth from the bowels of Slummerville (this is what you get for picking a scribe from Davis) and crossed the Wellington bridge towards President's landing and Wellington Station. We found our first BN and all cheered. Several miles later of arduous hunting we actually found the BC behind a parking garage for Wellington Station (I have been informed by the esteemed Harriet that the distance between BN and BC was “relatively short.”) (We were “relatively thirsty” at this point and will hear no further arguments as to the distance travelled for be3r).

A fine assortment of the finest fare awaited us in the bushes (PBR and high life count). MOH declared he needed to hump a leg for warmth. Goat helped him out. FML. Though it was warming. Still warding off the chill (and looking for cheap excuses to rub all up on...) we revived the Pearl Necklace's penguin huddle and several of the pack crowded in together while jumping around and making penguin squawkings. Sh!tonya is the bomb or this. Somewhere in here the pack spotted Rent-A-Cops looking down on us from their garage. Was it fear? Disapproval? Awe? We may never know. The Police also did a drive by but didn't even bother to stop and make us drink faster. Made for an excellent excuse to drink faster anyways.

Fire in the Hole caught up to us with “HOLY SH!T YOU MEAN SHE HAS A TWIN!?!?!?” (AKA Virgin Sarah) Amidst the conversation ensuing from this the name: “Fire in the other Hole” was tossed about. What an excellent name. If only there was some way a permanent record of this brilliant idea could be maintained...

(Full disclosure: the scribe is recovering from serious things for both hot red heads and twins. This was quite the moment.)

The Pack set out and quickly were directed up the stairs of the parking garage. Only to be cut off by the rent-a-cops. The garage is apparently “A no trespassing area, which is only for people with cars in the garage.” Thanks for that info... Also “The Medford police are on the way.” Bugger! The pack back-tracked down the steps and went after trail. BOM and MOH went back for the walkers to let them know that this was a poor time to relax with the beverages. All turned out ok.

Several wrong ways later we got back on track in the neighborhoods of Medford. Also there were even more tit checks and not a single hasher was stranded. I'd suggest that more d!ck checks need to be laid down to repay the harriets, but something tells me they might not appreciate the gesture. Trail met a turkey/eagle where none of the pack felt able to follow the turkey trail. Instead all found a path over a wall and fence junction, complete with BBQing neighbor to complain about us damaging his fence. I guarantee the aesthetics of the giant hole in the fence belonging to the decrepit railroad are were in no way changed by the pack's passing. (Ow Ow! To Phbbbzzt....'s running kilt going up and over this wall!)

Followed the abandoned tracks for a bit and burst back onto the roads near a commercial Bakery churning out chocolate chip cookies. The smell was.... Well if someone ever makes that into a perfume/cologne I promise it will get you tail.

Followed some roads through commercial districts and blasted past a check mark. Just Sager was clever enough to turn and check the sketchtastic parking lot next to the check. Wise man. We turned around after our trail died and found BC #2. Can't remember if anything worthwhile happened at this BC, but this will amuse you: Something like this (SFW) 

The Hares and pack away one more time. Short bit of trail later and we found the On-In at Honey Fitz.

If you would like to see a map of where we went than here you go to this Google Map. The anonymous source of this really cool map would like to inform everyone that if someone tries and call them out for tech on trail they will be forever remembered for the time they tried to pleasure Bob Dole.

Nice Trail Hares!
By which I mean: S H I T T Y TRAIL


Comments on trail
  • Twins!!!!!
  • Too few Rent a Cops
  • Four Tit checks too many!
  • More Po Po Please!
Virgins! 6 Virgins enter... Hey where the cr@p did our other virgins go? The Virgin family realized at some point that perhaps this was not the right place for an under-aged daughter... may be right!
  • Virgin Evan (Cum Fly with Me) Remembers his first BJ well! And remarked it was quite salty. (touche')
  • Virgin Sarah (Fire in the Hole) Would Definitely get off if she were on a bus full of lesbians.
  • (uhm..... I can't deal with thinking about this anymore)
  • Virgin Paula (Wicked Witch of the Wet) Was not able to calculate the square root of 69. The pack informed her of the proper response!
  • Virgin Cat (brought herself) Could not figure out what one boob said to the other. (We have got to stop letting this dick get between us)
  • Virgin Emma (brought by virgin Cat) Was intimately familiar with the sound a pony makes when it has been treated right.
  • Virgin Andy (F#cks like a Rabbit) Was not ok with demonstrating any acts with his sponsor. Some BS about incest being off the menu.
Visitors! (holy bajesus there were a lot of you too!)
Sh!tonya (Burlington), Wicked Witch of the Wet (Germany), Jimmy Crack Whore (Happy Valley), Suckit Wrench (Happy Valley?), C#nt Monkey (lazy scriberville), Watergate (I give-upia), and F#cks like a Rabbit. 

  • FRB: High Anus
  • FBI: Fire in the Hole
  • Sitting in Circle: Sextra credit, Cocktologist, Just Sager, P!ss stop
  • Hat in Circle: Most of the Pack
  • No Hat on Mad hatter H@sh: The rest of the Pack (Notable excuse for hatless state: Hoover McSuck n F#ck was afraid to wear one, even after one was offered, because he was worried about the police...)
  • New Shoe Penalty – Fire in the Hole. Graciously shared the penalty with OH GOD THEY ARE IN THE CIRCLE AGAIN TOGETHER.... Virgin Sarah.
  • Backsliders: Maid of Honor (family gatherings and getting some (separate occasions)), Bring out the Gimp (wild kink parties), An@l Beads (sex with 2C's mom), Hoover (Pelvic fracture – BS alert), C#m Fly with me (evil law firm), P!ss stop (no excuse)
  • Late C#mmers: Wang Chunks, Willy Wonka and the Back Door Factory, Jamaican me C#m, Bringham Tounge, The Buttler Hit It, Shawskank, Queer leader, Stretch P#ssy, Floppy D!ck
  • Just Jessica- Stories were about her making bets involving giving Sager BJ's, dating men with enourmous veiny members, and her cavernous tw@t.
  • Possible names: BJ Bet, Blew the Big One, Gamble the Goo, 8 something, You're so Veiny, and Chunnel (the enormous truck sized hole connecting England and France) We now pronounce you: Chunnel
  • Just Ted – Wore running tights with all sorts of definition going on (not all flattering) Possible names: Nutcracker and Moose Knuckles. We dub thee: Moose Knuckles
  • Just Sager – Stories included: his roots in Butte, Montana, Sex involving a stripper he brought home from a strip club, memorizing the list of services available off the menu at strip clubs...Possible names: Bridezilla, Butte Pirate, Allegedly had Sex, Banana Montana, Skinemax, Spankovision, A La C#nte. Be forevermore: A La C#nte!
The scribe notebok was stolen at this point and there is a very important message written for the scribe to pass on to the kennel. If any of you can decypher the code of three pictures of cocks, one set of boobs, “cocksucker”, “penis”, and another cock picture than please inform the pack of the meaning.

The H@sh went in peace.

And then played limbo. Willy Wonka used this opportunity to show the dangers of uncontrolled forward momentum. Luckily she had a carefully placed wall to impede her dangerous trajectory.

And that's about it.

-The Maid of Honor

Special thanks to P!ss Stop for the groovy new Scribe email and the postings to the H@sh trash Blog.