Hash House Harriers

a drinking club with a running problem

Hash Trash

Missed a hash? Catch up on all the trash here...

| Rambo Hash | Attack of the Ginger Kids | Marathon Beer Check & Crossroads | Boston Marathon Hash | Back to the Future Hash |

Rambo Hash (almost 9 years ago)
Theme: Rambo Hash (people dress in camo, full military gear, and cover themselves in fake blood).Hares: Placentos the Freshmaker and Bend Over Mommy
Start: The Jennie Johnston bar (JP)
beer check 1: On a terrace in the Larz Anderson Park in Brookline
beer check 2: Behind a fence at an abandoned looking reservoir in Brookline
on in: Mary Anns Bar in Cleveland Circle

The Pack: Just Rob, Just Ltle, Menopause, Target Practice, Wooden Eye, Virgin Jake, Virgin Jenne, Anal Avenger (DC), Better Late than Pregnant, Dribbles, Clamburger, Floppy Dick, Fire in the Hole, Goes down on Bouys, Goes Down Syndrome, GAP (latecummer), High A*us, Hoover mc Suck n F*ck, I eat Tea Bags, Jamaican me Cum, JGV, Virgin Eliot, NAMBLA, Necropheliac Jack, Pat My Fly, Spunk in the Trunk (Latecummer), Peppermint Pussy, Friar F**K (scribe), Spoonfull of Semin, Stick it to the Bros (Latecummer), Sugar Plum Fairy, Super Teflon Dong, You outhta Blow, I know I'm missing at least one or two people who I cannot recognize by sight and who mumble their name.

This hash trash was written on a bus going from New York to Newton, from notes taken on trail.

There was a relatively small crowd at the Jennie Johnston when I arrived, but some had taken the "Rambo" theme to heart. Spoonfull of Semin worke full camo and carried a stabbing knife in a harness. STD wore his camo. Others wore camo, red bandanas, or squirted themselves with blood. Goes down Syndrome brought pickles in place of bananas for the virgins. After a few opportunities for beer we were ushered out and circled up outside a chirch.

One sign of a well laid trail is that everyone stays together, or at least stays together in groups. The hash slowpokes Pat my Fly and Friar F**K were always in sight (or at least earshot) of other hashers. I don't remember this ever happening before... There were a lot of checks on trail, and "straight" was rarely the obvous answer. The trail went through the arboritum,but we were soon back on the street and going up a very steep hill. I was with Pat My Fly, and we couldn't identify where we were. Stick it to the Bros was coming up behind us - evidently he started late. Gap joined him as did Spunk. Spunk stuck with us, and we explored a dead-ended trail which ultimately led thorugh a nursing home. We were now in Brookline, and headed for the first beercheck in the Larz Anderson Park. It was a beautiful sunset, and the beer check was on a terrace overlooking a hill. We were last ones in so I found a PBR and looked forward to enjoying it in relative peace and quiet. No sooner had I opened it but COPS!!! There's a well known drill for this. Drop the beer (put it upright in the cooler if possible - in case this is a false alarm) and mill about. If the cops don't seem to be leaving, walk slowly away from the cops, but try not to be in the back. We walked down to the carriage house which is the auto museum. Nobody was finding trail, but GAP found trail in the field below. One mark - turned out to be paint.

We were now in the very trendy area of Brookline. Driveways looked like streets, and streets looked like driveways. The pack had divided into small groups now, but we were always in signt of one group of people who swore that they were on but hadn't seen a mark in a while.

We passed a house which seemed too big for a private house, and a pool that seemed to be too big for one family. This was the Park School - a rambling stnoe building. Even the school bus seemed to be a little higher off the ground than the ones which take the common kids to school. The school dog came to chase us off the playing field. It was dark - should have remembered to bring a flashlight. Marks were fairly regular, however sometimes one had to look for them. Houses were huge, and the streets were narrow. We passed a reservoir and trail ended. There were yells in the distance, and poeple were trying to find away over the fence. Beer was supposedly almost gone, and we saw the hares (this doesn't count as a hare snare since we bypassed the beer check). People were trying to find places to cross or climb the fence, and there were some real acrobatic performances fence jumping. The cops drove by, but aparently nobody was given a hard time about tresspassing. Route 9 was ahead, and people were wondering where we were or where the nearest bar was - it's a long way to Doyles. Finally we crossed Route 9 and were headed for Cleveland Circle and good old Scary Anns.

Scary Anns isn't as scary as I remember it, but there is the same lack of decor and the old familiar smell of floor cleaner and puke (though in the past those would be reversed). Beer was flowing and we crowded into the side of the bar for circle.

Bouys was RA. AA - most of the (scratched out). Comments. Very shitty unmarked dark trail. NOt enough cops, blood, private property, pickles. The pack sang "It's a small dick after all" and we squeezed pickles on the hares... The hares sang "The end of the month", and I added a new verse...

when the blood starts to trickle
you can stuff it full of pickles

...which ended the song. Gap was called out as a latecummer. Anal Avanger was called out as a visitor and commented on the "cheap ass beer". His song "You're stupid You're stupid".

Virgin Tessa brought by Jamaican Me Cum
Virgin Jenny brought by Clamburger and would not get off a bus full of lesbians.
Virgin Jacob brought by Fire in the Hole and remembers his first blow job.

Stick it to the Bros and Spunk in the Trunk were FRBs and GAP was a DFL (this is probably the first time this has happened). AA called a Chinese Fire Drill. Much of the pack went up for not wearing combat gear. Gap, Bros, Necropheliac Jack were arguing about someithg. Backsliders. Jamaican Me Cum had gone to Vegas, Just Kayla had some excuse, as did I eat Tea Bags.. Random accusations. Jamaican me Cum - Fire in the hole. Fame Virgin and bringing. Fwce Her - she was taking a picture. Friar returned Pepermint Pussy's 08 Mismanagement tag. F*ck me up the ass - just graduated. STD - in circle for swat people. Better Late than Pregnant is going to the UK Nash Hash in Scotland and wants hashers to join her.

There was a lot of cheese pizza (and rumor has it there was one pepperoni pizza) for dinner. I got a ride with Preggers to my car.
Attack of the Ginger Kids (almost 9 years ago)
Hello hashers. This was the second part of the GAP trail marathon. The theme was the Ginger Kids, though only one hasher (Bouys) dressed up. Here's the info.

Name/Theme: Attack of the Ginger KidsHares: GAP (of course) and Fire in the Hole.
Bag Car: Spunk in the Trunk.
Start: Razzy's (585 Sommerville Ave, Sommerville MA)
Rum Check (Eagles only): somewhere on the train tracks?
Beer Check: The stone tower near Powderhouse Circle.
On-in: The Sligo (Davis Square Sommerville)

The Pack
3's Company, Better Late than Pregnant, Cum is Kosher (latecummer), Harpoontang (latecummer), Friar F*ck (Scribe), Hare club for Queers, HEADmaster, Hoover Mc Suck n F*ck, Legally Bound and Gagged, Necrophiliac Jack, Nice Tits, Nipples Erectus, Peppermint PUssy, Stick it to the Bros, Sugar Plum Fairy, Taj my Hole, You outhta Blow, Virgin Christine, Virgin Melissa, Virgin Megan, Virgin Sara, Virgin Scott, Virgin Lance, Virgin Bala, Virgin Erin, Virgin Pascal, Virgin Martha, Just Nicole, Catheter the Great, Goes Down Syndrome, Wwofie (visitor), Lizzardo (St Louis H3), Just Paula, Snatchsquatch, Velvet Pelvis, Jolly Green Vagine, Goes Down on Bouys, Bleeps Sweeps and Creeps, Menopussy, The Second Cumming, Grease my Monkeys Nuts, Floppy, BBB, Sketoha(?), Thet Tue Mauz(?), Just Megan, Return to Grenda, Shawshank, Target, Spits, Just Heather, Just Mike => Certified Public An*s.., Sinky D, Assume the Position, and probably many others who said their names faster than I could write or check them off.

At the start
Even though I spent my day hanging out by the river, I still managed to be almost late at Razzy's. Here Bouys (dressed as a Raggedy Ann doll) was busy putting freckles on anyone who wanted them. I had prepared a cheat sheet with hash names (taken from the few published hash trashes) and was busy trying to check off the people I recognize by sight (not many). Wwoffie found me. I'm the only person he remembers from a Burlington Invihash and we talked for a while. I had time for a beer and it was time to circle.

Circle Up
We had an enormous number of virgins, more virgins than bananas, so I guess some of them had to share. Trail was to have the usual markings, and a turkey / eagle split. What wasn't explained was that the eagle had an extra rum check. Next came the hard part (for the scribe) "Dictation exercise: write down as many hash names as possible in the 30 seconds provided". Hopefully I did OK. Then we were off..

The Trail
Trail headed up hill in true GAP style. The first landmark of note was a circular house, looking very abandoned and boarded up. "I live down the street, and I've never seen this before". Hashing is a great way to see a city, or even your own neighborhood. Trail then headed out towards Broadway, over the tracks, and from there it was anyones guess. Then we came to the Turkey Eagle Split.

Most people did the eagle, but all I could see was the back of the pack, and most of them did turkey. As usual I got separated from the pack, and then my phone rang with a vaguely work-related call (I.E. someone with a job lead). It's hard to talk intelligently while wandering around aimlessly desperately looking for chalk marks. I wandered on and off trail, guessing the beer check to be in the direction I was going (towards Tufts). Luckily I stumbled onto a mark. There was a small crowd at the Powderhouse Tower. I assumed that as usual I had almost missed the beer check and people were packing up to go. Instead I found that this was the turkeys - we were still waiting for the eagles. Fire in the hole came in, wondering where the rest of the pack was. The cooler was full of beer - usually it's empty when I get to the beer check.

Eventually the eagles came in, and Hareclub told me a little about the trail. "It was on the tracks, and there was a train coming while we were on the tracks". There was a rum check on the tracks. It was now very late and dark.

The On-In and Circle
There was a very short trail to the on-in - which turned out to be the Sligo Pub. We all attempted to fit in the back room, which was like trying to get on the T during rush hour. Food was Mac and Cheese, all very plentiful and filling. After a short while, with beer slowly trickling in from the bar, Velvet Pelvis (who was acting RA) called the hash to circle. A true circle was not actually possible, but the hashers simply backed away from the center of the floor as if avoiding a bad smell. Virgin Melissa had ripped her pants, and this was one of the first orders of show-and-tell. I'm trying to make sense of my notes, and you're guess is as good as mine.

Comments on the run
Fria, No real pelee the filtyy. Only blue holder is a carnival. Not enough trains. Trail of the year (Stinky D). Shitty trail The hares sang a few verses of "Gang Bang" and were off.

Virgin Christine - brought by Just Nicole
Virgin Bala - brought by Shorn
Virgin Martha - brought by Stinky D
Virgin Pascal - brought by Shorn
Virgin Eric - brought by Stinky D
Virgin Megan - brought by herself
Virgin Melissa - brought by Dude Where's my Virginity
The virgins brought by Stinky D were required to fake a gang-bang.

Wwohoo gave us the following ditty (to the tune of Sex is Boring).
Each line is repeated by the pack.
We've got virgins
We've got virgins
At the hash
At the hash
Gonna get em f*cked up
Gonna get em f*cked up
in the a*s
in the a*s

Late Cummers
Kosher (who is on both feet now) and Harpoontang were called in as late cummers.

Other accusations
Same Shirts (many)
Shorn Scrotum - Male lover - vacigh belhammer (OK - that's what my notes say)
Someone was accused of bad directions to the hashers.

Just Mike who has been on 21 runs needed a name. He was sent over to the main bar while we got suggestions and debated a name. We eventually settled on Certified Public A*us (short for CPR).

The circle closed with Swing Low - a little awkward for people crammed into booths or pressed against the wall. Since I had taken the train from Lowell, and I seriously didn't expect circle to go on for this long, I needed to leave at slightly after 10. When I left, JGV was talking to the crazy French woman at the bar, and you can read all about it in the humor list. I stopped off at Sullivans Tap for one last beer, and caught the last train of the day (actually the first train of the next day) back to Lowell.

Marathon Beer Check & Crossroads (almost 9 years ago)
Hares: General Ass Pounder, Spank Me May I Have My Mother
Bag Car:
Beer Check:
Spank Me's place
about 6.9 yards
cool and windy, upper 40's?
Spank Me May I Have My Mother wrote this from "memory"

Late Cummers:
Sugar Plum Fairy, and probably others

The Pack
Without notes? I'll try: Peppermint Pussy, Taj My Hole, Just Vicky, Beat By A Girl, G String, Goat Throat, High Anus, Sketchy Ho, Save A Tree Ride A Cowboy, Super Teflon Dong, Catheter The Great, Dude Where's My Virginity, Harpoontang, Better Late than Pregnant, Wang Chunks, Ass Spelunker, Late Night Drive-Through, those brothers from Sweden, that guy from London, a young blond virgin, and about 40 more hashers I can't remember and probably just pissed off because I forgot you.

When I, Peppermint Pussy, GAP, Taj My Hole, and Just Vicky got to Crossroads at 4:00, it was at capacity, and there were apparently only a few hashers already inside. Ditto for the nearest backup bar — the new Corner Tavern (formerly the Last Drop).

But Taj had been given strict orders by Hare Club for Queers to spend the remainder of the Marathon weekend's cash on beer for everyone. So we were not going to let overcrowded bars get between hashers and free beer. Like a well-oiled machine of gay men on fetish night, we sprung into action — Just Vicky bought flour at the Sketchy Mart, which GAP started to use to lay trail from Crossroads. Taj and I shopped for beer at Marlborough Market while Just Vicky and Peppermint Pussy hit the chips and cookies aisles. I updated the hotline and went to my place to hide all the gay porn and warn hash crasher Ass Spelunker that he would not be able to rest after his 26.2 mile run.

Trail was Beacon to Mass Ave to Marlborough, ending at 439. GAP laid flour arrows so big that people were tripping over them. He even had a check, because, being typical GAP, he got lost on his own trail and had laid a mark down my alley instead of to my front door, so he had to mask an incorrect arrow with a check.

Someone realized that since we technically had a trail, we should have a circle, so Wang Chunks stepped in as RA and gathered people on my porch so that we could really annoy my neighbors. I was handcuffed to GAP so that I wouldn't run away screaming. Comments on trail included the obvious: "BEST GAP TRAIL EVER". Hares did their down-downs and tortured people with "Follow The Hares".

Many visitors were called in to circle; this gave the Swedes the chance to sing something that sounded like Chewbacca gargling a chicken, but we politely smiled and pretended we were listening.

G-String had brought a virgin, who was demented by a visitor. As usual I forget her name, but she was so young that I'll call her "Just Don't Tell Daddy I Served Alcohol to a Minor". (And if she ever escapes from my storage closet, I might need the services of one of you lawyers.)

There might have been a few accusations, but Wang was either bored or cold, so circle was mercifully short, without even doing Swing Low.

The partying continued, even after Taj's hash cash budget was exhausted. Not even two broken glasses and Late Night Drive Through passing out on the sleeper sofa could stop things. A spontaneous $5 hash cash collection and 2 more beer runs and some pizza kept the action going until maybe midnight.
You overachieving alcoholic wankers managed to drink 237 beers. Now if only Marlborough Market sold kegs…

  • "Does anyone know how to get the smell of Sugar Plum Fairy out of a sofa?" - Anonymous
  • "She's literally HALF your age!" - A female hasher, to an anonymous male hasher who thought that the virgin was cute
  • "How do you say 'anal sex' in Swedish?" - G String

Boston Marathon Hash (almost 9 years ago)

The Official Marathon Hashers! It's official because it came from Hash Cash…
6.9 on the Rectum Scale, Anal Beads, Arachnophobic Dyke , Ass Spelunker, Avalanche, Beat By A Girl, Bend Over Mommy, Better Late Than Pregnant, Big Brother, Bisexual Bondage Bitch, Bleeps, Sweeps, and Creeps, Butt Floss, C*m is Kosher, Catheter the Great, Chinwacker, Circle Jerkinator, Cock A Doodle Do Me, Cocktologist, Coochie Monster, Counterfeit Dick, Crucifux, Cum Fly With Me, DEEP Black Hole, Diaper Rash, Dick Jockey, Dirty Latte Sanchez, Donkey Ho Té, Dribbles, Dude Where's My Virginity?, European Whore, Fire in the Hole, Folker, Friar F*ck, Fuk Stik, GAP, Gay Pride, Goat Throat, Goes Down on Buoys, Hare Club for Queers, Harpoontang, Head-Master, Hi, I'm Gay, High Anus, Hiscocksin, Hoover, Hornytail, Hungry Hungry Homo, I Eat Cum, I Eat Tee Bags, I Heart Poo, I licked butts, Immaculate Erection, Inconvenient Poop, Jimmy Crack Whore, John Cleese, Just Adam, Just Dan, Just Danielle, Just Elizabeth, Just Jess, Just Kristen, Just Lisa, Just Tomas, Just Zeth, Kick Me In The Nuts, Knees Up, Krusty the Meat Miser, Laa-Laa, Late Nite Drive Thru, Legally Bound and Gagged, Lickety Slit, Little Brother, Make Banana Cry, My Chemical Homance, NAMBLA, Necrophiliac Jack, Nice Tits, Nipples Erectus, One Hasher At a Time (OHAT), Ossie, Panic Button, Pat My Fly, PBVPVbpvpbpbvpppbzzzzzz…, Pelvis Chestley, Peppermint Pussy, PigFucker, Piss Stop, Pubic Service Announcement, Puff'n Stuff, Rear Protein Injection, Red Tip Shark, Rodent Feltcher, Roscoe Pee C*m Stain, RTD, Save a Tree, Ride a Cowboy, Scooby Do Me, SeizeHer Cooch, Seizure Salad, Shawskank, Shindler's Fist, Shorn Scrotum, Siren Cums Loudly, Sister Golden Showers, Sketchy Ho, Ski Bobbitt, Sleep In Sister's Bed, Snatchsquatch, Spank Me May I Have My Mother, Spermatologist, Spitz, Splat, Spoonful of Seamen, Spunk In The Trunk, Stick Bite, Stick It To The Bros, Stinky Digit, Stretch Pussy, Sucks Hard for the Money, Sugar Plum Fairy, SUPER Teflon Dong, Sux To Blow, Taj Ma Hole, Target Practice, The Jizz Moppa, The Second Cumming, Tubslut, Virgin Wendy, Wang Chunks, Watergate, Willy Wanker, Wooden Eye FHITA, Yeast Infection, and You Oughta Blow

High Anus, Bisexual Bondage Bitch & Goes Down on Buoys

Due to the um, graphic nature of this event all photos are posted on hashspace. Look for the hashspace event or search for pictures from the hashers named Spunk in the Trunk and Better Late Than Pregnant.

Back to the Future Hash (almost 9 years ago)
Hares: GAP, Hoover McSuck n F*ck
Bag Car: I Eat Tea Bags
RA: Bend Over Mommy
Virgins: There were 6, 4 of which came on account of Anal Beadswell done champ
Pre-lube: Whiteys
On-in: The dock right next to the Barking Crab
On-after: Sissy Ks

Pack Members: Lots, most of which arrived at the pre-lube at 3:10 or later,
because in Boston, mid-50s makes us beach-bum lazy. Lets all forget this
weeks snow, shall we?

There must have been 35 people or so, according to my calculations. I might
have written down their names if Jolly had given me his notebook BEFORE I
drank that tumbler of Bacardi. Something to think about for next week

Trail notes:

Its amazing how much nicer the starting circle is when youre not freezing
youre ass off. Some of Whiteys patrons even followed us into the back
parking lot to observe the spectacle, or maybe to protect their cars from
the Brat Pack (reference to the 80s garb, FYI). Once BOM finished showing
off the marks, the pack was off and away. We got fairly lost in the
beginning, but eventually ended up near that Gillette dock (I think) and
then got a lot more lost in the charming alleyways right next to it. We then
made our way across some bridge, where we got WAY more lost. But alas, we
re-found trail and darted in and out of all the pissed off people waiting in
a long line to get ripped off by Amtrak, one of which exclaimed, This is
NOT a good place to go for a run. Doh.

After emerging from South Station, we quickly found our way into a parking
lot and under a scenic bridge littered with ladies� deodorant, tampon
applicators, and some syringes. We enjoyed some DE-licious brews, basked in
the sunlight, and then watched GAP and Hoover prance off and attempt to set
falses while we were still watching them, then realize we still watching
them, then give up on setting falses.

Leaving the beer check, we actually did manage to go the wrong way quite
quickly, and then retreated into Chinatown, where we went the wrong way
several more times. There was a lovely song-check in Downtown crossing,
where we sang Whip it out at the Ballgame, for the kids. That song-check was
quickly followed by another, where Hyan*s led a lovely rendition of The Days
of the Week. After that we had a reprise of the usual Hash clusterf*ck that
is Faneuil Hall, but once we found our way out of there we were rewarded
with a nice Tang check. Mmmnnn.

It was VERY soon after the second beer check that An*l Beads snared the
hares on the dock. We all gathered round and sang a song while giving the
hares a few minutes to escape. As soon as we did leave that spot, we
stumbled on another group of hashers who had zenned their way a little
further up trail and had ALSO snared the hares. Double-snare! FANTASTIC! It
was only a quick run across the bridge (led by Beat by a Girl, who
unknowingly volunteered to hare in two weeks when he took off first) until
we came upon I Eat Tea Bags with a car full of pizza. On in!

Now there were of course several funny moments in the circle, but my
personal favorite had to be when Spank Me discovered that his Members Only
jacket had a little name tag that his mom had sewn into the lining
approximately 20 years ago. Another highlight was the virgins, who did a great six-person-orgy demonstration, which looked strangely similar to the ending pose of a jazz dance number. The lowlight had to be the beer. It was mostly Genessee �Full Flavor� and Genny Light, brewed right near Shorn�s hometown! Several fist-fights over the rare but coveted Keystone Light had to be broken up.

Our lovely day of hashing concluded with a trip to Sissy K�s, where several hashers partook in an intense game of Apples to Apples. I�m not saying who won, because it wasn�t me. Argh! After most people stumbled home, the hardy spoke of an encore of karaoke at the Hong Kong. Not sure if that actually happened, but if it did, I�m sure it was the usual sh*t show!

For all of you who missed the first spring Hash, too bad my friends, too bad.