Hash House Harriers

a drinking club with a running problem

Hash Trash

Missed a hash? Catch up on all the trash here...

| The MJ Memorial Hash | No Theme Hash | STD Going Away Hash | Twelfth Night Hash (Take 2) | Cinco de Augusta Hash |

The MJ Memorial Hash (about 9 years ago)
Good Morning H@shers! Hope you’re all waking up around now and strapping on those dirty shoes, getting ready to H@sh like this AGM deserves! It’s been almost two weeks since the MJ memorial h@sh and I have slacked for long enough on this h@shtrash! Forgive me if it gets a little loopy. The Nyquil is wearing off and the caffeine is just kicking in.

Hares: Shawskank & Just Sarah
Bag Car: Just Ted
Virgins: Becky, Lisa, Billy, and Melvin…. Oh Melvin

Pack: Just Sarah (another one who needs naming pronto) Time of the Munch, Goat Throat, Just Adam (I guess we broke Nabeel on the best trail ever), The Buttler Hit It, Peppermint P#ssy, Schindler’s Fist, Sugar Plum Fairy, Necrophiliac Jack, Ski, Mr. Rogers, Nipples (erectus?), High Anus, My Chemical Homance, Spunk in the Trunk, Sketchy Ho, Just Ellen, 5” Penalty, Just Ryan, Bend over Mommy, and a bunch more that I couldn’t write fast enough to catch… and admittedly had too many later to remember.

The Pack met up at the Tavern at the End of the World and started our pre-lube. We drank our refreshing beverages and marveled at our Hariettes’ well-chapeaued, single-gloved, sparkling-chested attire. The Hares departed and Necro called bag car and chalk talk. But the Hares and Bag Car were still sorting things out. Silly Necro, going to have to learn not to go off early like that! We went back in and got some extra lube. Which, as I write about it now makes perfect sense on an MJ h@sh (Sorry Macaulay.)

Bag Car called for real and Chalk talk ensued. Necro lead it. I am pretty sure someone stole my notes at this point as there is something about Necro that says “Glove and Moose knuckle” Weird right?

We warmed up the virgins with a rendition of the S&M man. It really is a beautiful sight to see some of them cringe as they comprehend just what they have gotten themselves into.

Shortly there-after pack was away. I could tell you all the details of the run…. Or I could share the super hi-tech interactive map of it. (interesting notes are included if you care to read)

Not sure if the map covers everything, but it is way beyond what I was up for remembering.

Some key points if you chose to skip the map:
  • Unique check of this h@sh was an MJ check which involved singing and a h@sh-like amounts of crotch grabbing.
  • We had a return of the blue chalk. Pack got itself lost just a few times.
  • When we eventually did find BC #1 we were down some h@shers and virgin Melvin. Virgin Melvin is a quick lil Smaht kid who thought that scouting was more his cup of tea. I don’t know what he found on his travels… but it was not the beer check. Not for a while at least. Eventually we rounded folks up and Sketchy Ho found us. She apparently did this by asking the cops how to find us. Pretty sure I’m missing part of this story, or we are just that awesome.
  • Ran more etc etc
Beer Check #2: Pack was much more together this time. And then we were treated to the sight of the lady virgins sneaking off into the dark together. Details were not forthcumming on what happened in those short, shared moments in the dark. One can only assume what two cumly, sweaty virgins who have been drinking would be doing out there alone.

More running… and we reached Porter! From whence a barrage of insights arose: “We must be going to Sligo!” “Hurray we’re almost there!” “Wait! Why the hell are we going this way? Porter is behind and this is nowhere near Harvahd.” And my personal favorite from Goat Throat “Well sh1t! I am never again accusing chicks for laying short trails”.

Eventually made it in to Paddy’s. And may I take a moment to say Bravo! That’s a dive I would never have dreamed of and it was perfect for the the hash. Lots of food, as much of the bar to ourselves as we wanted, and a lot of cheap beer!

We circled up and got to the festivities.

  • Virgin Melvin (surrogate sponsor Just Ted) was asked the sqare root of 69 and worked long and hard to give the right answer… but failed to get 8 something
  • Virgin Billy (Mr Rogers) I believe this was the second week in a row we had a virgin decline to demonstrate favorites sex positions on the grounds of incest. He was then asked what MJ’s favorite position might be: bent over a see-saw.. He then capped off his performance with a superb MJ O-face satisfying the H@sh’s perverse desires.
  • Virgin Becky (Just Ellen) Turns out her favorite barnyard animal is the horse (I was impressed) and then she gave us first a horse faking an orgasm followed by a horse having an angry sex orgasm.
  • Virgin Lisa (Just Ryan who doesn’t even cum for his own virgin! Shawskank to the rescue again) Turns out Virgin Lisa, when faced with a bus of lesbians would not get off.
  • Good virgins – despite Melvin getting lost, and ESCPECIALLY for the lady virgin rendezvous in the woods. (Also, we like the just Lisa and Becky since they came back this week for the plague filled playground tour)
  • Just Ellen – coaching the virgins and warning them of what is to cum.
  • FRB – High Anus
  • FBI – Spunk in the Trunk
  • DFL – Virgin Melvin
  • H@sh Crash – Just Ryan
  • Racist Behavior – 5” Penalty
  • Female Virgins – for their trist
  • Cranium cover in circle – Just Sarah… when one hare drinks, so do Shawskank and Just Ted.
  • Sweat Test Failure – Just Allison (TheRapist as of this past wednesday) showed up late but we applaud her for making it out in the face of adversity and work.. responsibilities eh?
  • Backsliders – Mr Rogers
  • False Accusation – Fisty
We sang songs, we were impressed with the neat type-face on the ridiculously well planned out itinerary (have picture to prove), we drank beverages, we enjoyed a sandwich tray, salad, and wings!

Great H@sh! Thanks Bag Car and Hares!

I don’t know if anyone took many notes for this past Wednesday’s Playground Tour. Hope you all enjoyed at least some bits of it. If you want to see where you were supposed to run here is our map.

Maid of Honor

No Theme Hash (about 9 years ago)
Evenin Wankers! And welcome to a special drunken collaboration Hash Trash! Special thanks go out to Jamaican Me Cum for assisting a surprised to be scribing, well-inebriated Maid of Honor. Any who!

PARTICIPANTS: (sorry if we missed you) Jamaican Me Cum (Special collaborating scribe), Maid of Honor, Bend Over Mommy!, Willa wanker, Bringham Tongue, Second Cumming (suited up!), Fire in the hole (bag car), Just Ellen, Bbag, Just Camilla -> Sextra credit!, 5 " penalty, Shawskank, Shorn Scrotum, Just sager *, *Just ted, Just Raina, Just Sarah, Nice tits, Goat throat, Just Allison, I lick butts, Far from fucking, Peppermint Pussy, and a very Smaht, late, and drunk ‘Ed master

VIRGINS! Virgin Molly, Virgin Megan, Virgin Kim,* *Virgin Nabeel, Virgin Adam, Virgin

THE START: Started out the evening at The Tam in the theater district. Arrived and ordered a bud light. Bartender mumbled something to me and I grunted back. Surprisingly this translated to “I would like a bud light and a regular bud, which I am more than happy to pay you for screwing up the order.” Hashers do not shy from opportunities though! So Shorn and MOH proceed to scientifically test if the two taste different. Shorn’s palate is still maturing, and insists they taste the same. MOH knows better and even after telling Shorn the taste difference is at the back of the throat (a well developed spot for hashers) he said they were the same. Further research to continue on Wednesday.

The Hares took off and the pack circled the virgins into an interlocked ring of fear and future depravity. Virgins spun around, names were yelled out, songs were sung and…

PACK AWAY! Quickly found some marks leading into the Boston common where the pack was
accosted by hula hoop bearing women and their hippy masters. Ran up the hill and circle jerked a monument (It was a thing of beauty). Just Camilla was spotted running off and shouting something about “On-???” Good enough! So off to the Public Garden we sped. Honking traffic, ducks, and disapproving mothers all were left in our wake.

Here we started to see the magical blue hash marks. Why are they magical you ask? Well it turns out though great LED fleshlights we all love are are actually more blue than white. Smaht kids, this one’s for you: What happens to Blue marks when you shine a blue light on them? Whatever it is, it is pretty F’n magical because they all disappeared.

Followed along in the park for a while and cut across towards the river. Very scenic blah blah blah, Crossed back over Storrow and got thoroughly off trail. Here a bit of Zenning happened with MOH following what may have been Shawskank or Nice Tits (either way not an unpleasant experience.) Eventually found a giant pink hash mark pointing across Mass Ave bridge and thought the hares had cum to their senses with a new color of chalk. Nope.

We found some of the pack running up from along Storrow and dragged them out across the bridge. Many Smoot marks but no hash marks. And back we went.

Beer Check #1 right next to the Mass ave Bridge… Where Fire, 2nd Cumming, and the Hares enjoyed a thrilling display of Adonis like runners backtracking all over. Found the check, jumped off an overpass to get there, and drank some beers. Here MOH learned he was scribing. This news coincided with a sharp spike in his alcohol consumption, linked to Just Sager deciding he could not in fact handle his beer on his own. His loss, your gain, shenanigans ensue!

The pack is away, and for real this time we cross the Mass Ave Bridge. 364.4 Smoots later we reach the other side and find the bastion of Smaht kids begging for our distractions. I caught a ride on Just Raina at this point. She was excellent, and was very happy when I got off.

Found our first Turkey eagle split. Eagles are directed into a frat party. Not a welcoming audience, even after learning we were running for beer. Neither let us in, nor offered any of their fine brews. We found a chalk message saying: “look up” and found what appeared to be a hash check. Goat Throat and MOH run off behind some dumpsters to find trail and strangely came back with pants around their knees. Say the least, it was not a hash check, and that was NOT trail.

Found Beer Check 2 soon after in some park. Jack’s friend showed up with a head contusion. More Beer!

My recollection starts getting suspect here..

Pack away. Goes the wrong way. Goes the right way! Finds what may be marks leading across a baseball field. Players tell hash they didn’t go this way, please go around. Hash hears none of this and goes over. And shortly after under a dark and sketchy overpass finds….

Another Beer Check! Jaimaican’s direct quote on this: “Like homeless people we drank amidst
manholes, rocks and needles” eloquent! We start to see a theme that the Hares are devious fuckers who plan on getting us all drunk. Their plan is succeeding.

Away again and find what will turn out to be one of the more dramatic Turkey eagle splits in recent memory. Pack of sound mind follows the turkey trail and heads over the BU bridge. A smaller contingent of idiots follows Eagle path. Of note: Could barely blow a load without it landing on a virgin at this point. Very gung-ho, and well-represented group of virgins! Down into the depths of fences and briar we descend. And find Geese! I was kinda sloshed by now and found this very exciting. We find trail amidst the goose excrement and cigarette butts.

It lead onto the LIVE tracks going under the BU bridge. So scampering along, looking down through the ties at the murky waters of the Charles, listening for the oncoming roar of a commuter rail embodiment of death, we went. And found...

Another Turkey Eagle!! And I shit-you-not, the eagle trail was straightdown. It was a drop down between the ties to a foot path under the bridge. If you stretch out a virgin Megan to her full length (you may have to get her to demonstrate for a proper measure) it was still a good 3-5 foot drop. My knees helped solidify that I do in fact deserve a un-manly moniker, and I joined the turkeys to run around and meet the double eagles on the bridge underneath. We ran off and came up on the other side of BU bridge. Where we found no marks. So we ran. And found no marks.

Strange… Three-ish Hash veterans and virgins Megan, Adam, and Nabeel search near and far with the vets trying to corral the virgins back to something like a trail. We give up and call the hotline to be told the pack is right on the other side of the BU bridge. We later hear from the hares that they were laying this trail and thought no one was dumb enough to drop through the ties and take that trail.

It’s the Hash! We do this shit right! Also we missed a train by 2 minutes.

So after round 2 of dragging a bunch of zealous virgins past the check we hoof it back and hop the fence and find the...

ON~IN! Jamaicain says: On-in was in a HUGE park near BU East near to ANOTHER overpass and we had to climb ANOTHER fence to get there. Some people stupidly went down stairs only to climb over a MUCH taller fence.

Just Camilla's naming:
  • Story #1 --- Hooked up with her professor but didn't go all the way. Potential names ---- Sextra Credit, Blows for Bs, Teacher's Pet, Head in the Class, the B Job.
  • Story #2 --- She was at her gyno earlier this week who, funny story! Was also her mother’s Ob/Gyn for the birth of Just Camilla. In the Beer-addled mind of MOH, this evoked a beautiful image of those Russian Nesting dolls, which I thought were Kachina dolls ---- Potential name ---- Kachinacunt. Turns out they are actually Matryoshka dolls (and what funny name can cum from that?)
  • Just Camilla is henceforth known as Sextra Credit!
  • Virgin Molly (Brigham Tongue) –drunk and don’t remember
  • Virgin Megan (Just Ryan) – Drunk and don’t remember but I think it was decent
  • Virgin Kim (Came by her own doing) --- favorite barnyard animal is a sheep and apparently they don't have orgasms. Poor sheep!
  • Virgin Nabeel – Doesn’t remember his first B Job. So sad, and I think we could get some helpers to jog his memory…
  • Virgin Adam --- would help his Uncle jack off
  • Virgin Alex (Doogie Plows Her) --- Alex doesn’t really have a favorite, but big brother Doogie's favorite sexual position is 69 --- declined to demonstrate on account of it being incestuous to suck on each other's dicks. Details details.
  • Racist behavior --- Virgin Adam (he was also a fan of pint sized shorts (thanks for pointing that out Jamaican))
  • New shoes for Virgin Megan ---- Bad sponsor Just Ryan gets her shoe, and when one hare drinks, All Hares Drink!
  • Getting-what-he-deserves-for-that-double-eagle-split Necrophiliac Jack gets the other shoe.
  • Late cummer ---- ‘Ed master --- He was off being too smaht (dissertation defense) but did run the whole 6 miles to find us!
  • Beat by a Girl for being a crap Hash Drunk and skipping the third beer check
We go to the On After at the dugout and find out the Hares still had 5 30 racks ready for us if the Bag car had caught up to us at the On-In. We go in and all is well. Until some assholes decide it is ok to just walk up and grab a few slices of our pizza. Seriously, who the hell does that? Just Ryan glares at them and flexes. They cower. Are convinced they should buy us a pitcher to make up for it. They leave and we are less annoyed at them.

End of the night arrives and Fire in the hole is nice enough to give Shorn, Nice Tits, Peppermint Pussy, Just Allison and me a ride back to davis. I have the pleasure of getting a peppermint pussy in my lap. Let me tell you: This is an excellent and refreshing experience! Try it.

Memorable Quotes
  • Peppermint Pussy climbed a tree cuz she "likes to climb things"
  • Just Raina comments on how she loves "mouth to mouth" claims it is cpr related.. sound like bullshit to me, to me.
  • A Hasher (who may or may not be known for her Nice Tits) tells a story of how she got back at a douche bag by pissing on his Benz. Bravo!
  • Sorry for the novel. Hope you enjoyed my first attempt at scribing. And again thank you so much Jamaican for jogging my memory!
Maid of Honor

STD Going Away Hash (about 9 years ago)
Hares: STD and The Buttler Hit It (bag car: Preggers)
Start: Hancock Tavern
BC 1: A hilltop overlooking Dorchester next to a mosquito infested pond
BC 2: Just at the end of the street as we got out of the woods.
BC 3: The top of a parking garage above the on-in
On-In: A surprisingly friendly bar at the bottom of the parking garage.

The Pack: 5 inch penalty, An*l Beads, Beat by a Girl, Preggers, Brigham Tongue, Catheter the Great, Dribbles, Gay Pride, Goes down on Bouys, Hareclub, High An*s, I eat Tea bags, Jamaican me Cum, Krusty, Puffy, Spits, Spoonfull, Stick it to the Bros, Sugar Plum Fairy, Virgin Maureen, Friar, Just Michelle, Just Sara, second cumming, Just Craig => Bring out the Gimp, Just Delmar => The Night of Giving Head, Wooden Eye, Maid of Honor, Butts. I know I'm missing some, but BBAGs list is on my other computer..

I feel like I'm writing about a bygone era - it's hard for me to believe that this all happened just last week. I'm sorry if some of the details seem a little vague. I'm relying on my notes, but the really important facts are still written on my legs in Braille.

We pre-lubed at the Hancock Tavern. I really don't remember much about this except that the pack was assembled outside at around 7:30. There were the usual marks and we were off. The one thing I remember was that it was hot and muggy. There was a spot of road. My notes say "Two checks and a YBF". Eventually we got to a point where we got to scramble up a steep bank and over some rocks. Unknown to everyone, this is where the dreaded Poison Ivy (or worse) was lurking. It was too dark to see what was happening, and I probably grabbed onto any welcome plant to pull myself up. Clamber over a set of rocks and back onto the road. At least this part of the trail was well marked. Soon we were at the hilltop apartment buildings - site of many beer checks. There was a short stretch across the parking lot. Someone had left me a beer. Finally we went across the totally dark parking lot, up a hill (we had shortcutted) and to an overlook next to a pond. I took a few night shots (it was night by now) and didn't mind the mozzies - but enough people complained that the beer check was moved to the parking lot. This must be the only time that a beer check has been moved by popular demand. Good job Mozzies - you accomplished what only the police used to be capable of doing.

The next part of the hash was basically a circle jerk / scramble leaving us pretty much where we were. Actually I got separated climbing up some rocks though I think I was on trail part of the time. It's a very lonely experience wandering around on the top of hill - ducking into the bushes and reeds looking for trail, trampled grass, and the distant shouts of hashers. Luckily I found trail and virtually had to be guided in to the next beer check at the point where the woods met the road.

The main attraction was Second Coming and the wheelchair he found in the woods. The road sloped gently, making it perfect for gravity-powered wheelchair rides. Unfortunately wheelchairs are tippy, but this added to the fun. I wonder what the neighbors thought.

After this I truly got separated from the pack. People weren't marking checks. At one point I went back into the woods following dappled light on trees that looked like flour. It was another steep bank leading down to a road. Unfortunately I tripped over a birch branch that looked like a shaft of light. I decided (probably wisely) to try to backtrack to the road. Just then my phone rang. Perhaps Phoenix getting back to me (a little late now). Instead it was the world famous Enos calling to line up rooming plans.
  • "Hello mite ow you doing"
  • "I'm on trail"
  • "Say hi to everyone.."
We were basically exchanging phone numbers for Winter Park. In desperation I called the hotline. Parking garage at Quincy Center. OK? How does one get to Quincy Center (where is quincy center for that matter). I aimed for the tall buildings in the distance. Perhaps I found trail by a burger king. Outside a bunch of kids were sitting outside eating and listening to one kid playing guitar.

Finally I ran into Anal Beads. Turns out the garage was not at the T station, and I was nowhere near the T station. Two wrongs make a right and I was at the beer check. BBAG and Buttler (who was wearing a coconut bra) were smoking at level 3. the beer check was at the end of level 5. Perhaps we were supposed to circle there but someone found out that the bar was hash-friendliy. I made a note that it was exactly 10:00 pm when we left the garage.

Comments on trail
  • Not enough drive by mosquitos.
  • Giving blood, wheelchair.
  • The hares sang "I love my girl" with the worst 4-part harmony I've heard this song sung
Virgins: Virgin Maureen was brought by PSA. She is from New York. To fake an orgsm, she goes "Ooh I can't" "Ooh I can't" (sort of like the little engine that could). She would get off the bus full of lesbians.

Naming: Just Craig has done 11 trails. I don't pretend to remember the stories behind some of the suggestions, but he was riding the wheelchair all through circle. Nominations were "Son Touch", "Jizz in my pants", "Salty Nuts", "Chocolate Salty Balls" (this was somewhat popular), "The Gimp" (also popular), "Bring on the Gimp" (most popular). From now on, Just Craig is "Bring on the Gimp".

Another Naming: Just Delmar has done 8-9 trails. Again - I forget the stories. Nominations were "Mexican Humping Queen", "Beat the Irish", "Sucks off Zombies", "I lick Brains", "BRAINZ", "Night of the Giving Head". The latter proved to be popular so from now on Just Delmar is known as "Night of the Giving Head".

Attempted Renaming: Spits was called out for renaming because of an incident. Crucifux and Spits went to Harvest Taqueria and Spits threw up on her burrito and tried to eat it. Suggestions were "Burrito Explosion", "Puke", "Puko De Bio", "Spits and Spews". We did not arrive at any sort of consensus on so Spits is still Spits.
  • Tech in Circle: Just Michelle.
  • Afraid to introduce a song: Immaculate
  • STD: Why are you leaving?
  • Quote related to me by BBAG: "Padded bras are the bane of existence"
People made their way home via car or T. We were a considerable distance from the start.

I wish the story ended here, but it didn't. I noticed redness on my legs. Oh - just a little PI. Should have thought about this after trail but even if it breaks out, a scrubbing of Tecnu usually clears it up. Not this time - the Tecnu (even the new stuff) had very little effect - The PI had spread from one leg to the other. I even managed to get it on the organs between my legs, which was most uncomfortable. I had not had such a bad case in years! My eyelids started swelling. One foot got larger than the other. Meanwhile the hash list was full of similar reports of PI.

With my legs (and other parts of my body) burning and itching, I rushed myself off to Ithaca NY, where there was a hash weekend, my condition worsening as i drove. I have to say that the treatment I received was top-notch, though not very effective. Within minutes of arriving, I was seen by a nurse who prescribed Benedrill for my eye and sent a lot of hashers off to look for anyone who had a supply. I was told to drink a lot of fluids (which I did - especially the Excelsior 10% beer) and get a lot of rest (which I did, thanks to the Excelsior). The next day I went to see a Herbalist who found some weeds growing by the trail which when squeezed and rubbed on my legs hurt like hell but were supposed to clear up PI. I was going to drive to Maryland, but instead scrubbed that part of the trip and drove EOD home. She took Benedrill because of the dog and fell asleep. I played the radio so that I'd get a few minutes more warning if I was going to black out (the pain was quite intense at this point). When I got home, I went to see a real doctor who prescribed Prednazone which has worked like a charm. Meanwhile the slight detour on the way home from Ithaca became a full-blown business trip with a budget to match. I'm not blaming anyone but myself, but THANKS STD.

Anyway - this is my last write-up for a while. During the summer I feel that I've got to know all of you so well that I'm sure if BBAG sent me the attendance sheet I could make up a completely ficticious but plausable story about the trail. Still, that wouldn't be fair, and so someone else is going to have to scribe.

Right now I'm sitting in my room in the Econo-Lodge finishing up the hash trash I started writing while waiting for Watergate to show up for the "dinner club" in Herndon VA (we had a great dinner). I'll do a little more exploring tomorrow, have dinner with Muffalota near BWI, and then fly back for a frantic few days of packing, winterizing, hashing, and partying. Then it's off to Colorado for IAH. I return on Tuesday (after Labor Day) at 10:30pm to Logan Airport. My mission, should I care to accept it, is to go home sleep (if time permits), load up the car, shut down the house, get the dog, drive to my new home in Takoma Park, unpack, sleep (if time permits), and then report for duty in Silver Spring at 0900 or perhaps earlier. All this must be accomplished in about 36 hours. Hopefully after that I'll be told what the real mission is.

Wish me luck! I'll need it!

Twelfth Night Hash (Take 2) (over 9 years ago)
Hares: Anal Beads, Beat by a Girl, Backdoor Factory (Bag Car), Placentos the Fresh Maker (secret hare) 
Start: The Sidebar (Downtown Crossing area)
Beer Check 1: Beat by a Girl's fabulous roof-deck overlooking the State House.
Beer Check 2: Across the lagoon from the Galleria Mall in Cambridge.
Circle: A circular paved area near where Memorial Drive meets the Longfellow Bridge.
On-In: The Muddy Charles (already crowded due to a game)

Present: I know I'm missing some but here goes. I also can't read my shorthand. The second cumming (initial RA), Fire in the hole, STD, Nice Tits, Gay Pride, Catheter the Great, Sketchy HO, just Amy, Just Angi => My Clitoral Law, just jenn, Coochie Monster, Just Sara, Dirty Latte Sanchez, Placentos the Fresh Maker, Spoonful of Semin, Muddy Buddy, Reclu, High Anus, Homobile, An Inconvenient Poop, 5 inch Penalty, My Chemical Homance, Floppy, Skibobbit, Dribbles, Jamaican me cum, Just Bridget, Brigham Tongue, Stick it to the Bros, Friar, Virgin Michelle, Virgin Ryan, Cum is Kosher, Crucifux, Bend Over Mommy, Sugar Plum Fairy. Peppermint Pussy, Boston Strangler, Dude where's my Virginity, Friar.

The pack gathered in the sidebar, first congregating around the table where Tits was trying to eat and then gradually taking over the bar. It was supposed to be pack away at 7, but I think we actually left a little later. We gathered at a brick plaza outside of Tj Maxx. There was a little horseplay and then the Second Cumming explained the marks. Nothing unusual, lots of tit checks and even a turkey/eagle split, but we were all encouraged to do the eagle. We were soon off!

Trail wound through the Downtown Crossing area, past the Old City Hall (now a steak house) where we were supposed to clamber down a wall. Coming up on Quincy Market was the turkey/eagle split. Even Skibobbit took the eagle!

The Eagle trail wound through Quincy Market, along what used to be the elevated expressway, and past a real live Carousel. I don't think any hashers got to ride it. There were several fountain crossings – the one near the carousel had water which spurted out randomly – almost daring hashers to run across it. I ended up falling behind as we wound back through the Financial District and Post Office Square (another fountain). I was now with the strays, and gradually we found more strays coming from different directions. Trail went through the commons and straight through an upcoming Shakespear performance. They were asking everyone in the audience to contribute $10 - but we ran right by.

After many years, hashers develop homing instincts. Given that one of the hares was Beat by a Girl, there was only one logical place for the beer check. Still, there might be another beer check so it's worth following trail - and we were certainly going in the wrong direction. Finally it was up up up hill past the State House and sure enough people were yelling encouragement from BBAG's rooftop deck. Everyone had to sign in. I signed in at 8:10pm. The beer check was just ending, but there was time to have a beer and take some twilight pictures from the roof deck. It was also last call for the bathroom. First things first.

A group of us piled into the elevator. Another group piled into the other elevator and pushed all the buttons, so going down took a while. At this point I caught up (or caught down) with Ski Bobbit. Trail went through Beacon Hill. Homing instincts again - there was only one place for the on-in, and we simply had to pick the most direct route there. Ski actually called someone (maybe the hotline) and said "yup - it's the BHP". Actually he called Dude, who said that the on-in WASN'T at the BHP. When we got the the BHP, there were no marks, but they did have bathrooms. Bros and some other hashers ran by. They had followed trail. I thought WE had followed trail. Anyway - call the hotline. We were going to the Cambridge Galleria, and basically bee-lined it there. This was a beer check on the other side of the lagoon. Some hashers contemplated walking across the channel, but I expect it was pretty deep. There was a motorboat, but it was tied up.

The beer check went on for a while, and eventually security came out. We left - going through the mall and along the river. Again – homing instincts. I expected trail would go over the bridge and back to the BHP, and was very surprised when we stopped at a sort of circular patio. Circle Up!!!

Crucifux was RA. "And the Hares".. We were asked to practice "Safe Public Drinking". There were two cop cars on Memorial Drive. Comments included "No Marks", "Clearly a Gap Trail" and Placentos the Fresh Maker was "outed" for being the mystery hare. The pack sang several verses of "Old McDonald", ending with the inevitable "whale" verse where the hares get soaked in second hand beer. Backdoor factory ran away and was chased with a full beer.

The hares were given the Option (sing a song or show your tits). Backdoor Factory showed her tits, but even that wasn't enough.

Shall I compare thee to a summer's day? ?Thou art more lovely and more temperate:? Rough winds do shake the heaving bosoms of May,? And summer's lease hath all too short a date:? Sometime too hot the brown eye of heaven shines,? And often is the gold [domed] complexion dimm'd;? And every head [who said..?] from beer sometime declines,? By chance or nature's changing course untrimm'd;? But thy eternal summer shall not fade?. Nor lose possession of that beer thou owest;? Nor shall Shiggy brag thou wander'st in his shade,?When in eternal lines to time thou growest:? So long as beers are cold and marks are free.? So long as hasher friends gives life to thee.

Beat by a Girl and Anal Beads took turns reading this doggerel (evidently for the first time) while the hashers acted the part of "groundlings" and chimed in at every opportunity (the "head ...") part took longer than the rest of the poem.

Next order of the day: VIRGINS.

Virgin Michelle was brought by Anal Beads. She would not stay on a bus full of lesbians, but says Oooh Yesss when having an orgasm.

Virgin Ryan was brought by Just Jenn. His first blowjob tasted awesome and his favorite barnyard animal is a cow.

Next order of business: ACCUSATIONS

Backsliding: Coochie Monster was playing baseball. I Eat Tea Bags, Boston Strangler

Pouring beer out: Sketchy HO and Dirty Latte Sanchez.

Technology on Trail: Nice Tits but she was updating the hotline so Jamaican had to drink for a false accusation.

Song Check Skipping: Dirty Latte Sanchez, Peppermint Pussy

Pissing during circle: Boston Strangler.

Same Shirts: Placentos the Fresh maker, Bros, I eat Tea Bags, Spankme. This ended up as an ever expanding circle with All hares, All Gms and a lot of other people.

Leaving Boston: Crucifux, STD, Just Angi.

Naming: Before Just Angi leaves, we needed to name her. She goes to law school and was sent home in a cab at 7 pm. Mom walked in on her while having sex. Out of these great stories came "Mothers Love Bone", "Cummus Interruptus", "Mon San", "Keep it in the Family", "Cheap Date", and "Clitoral Law". The latter was Angi's least favorite, but her vote doesn't count and it was the overwhelming favorite of the pack. Votes weren't even counted and from until renamed Just Angi will be known as Clitoral Law.

Very Late Cummer: Wang Chunks. He was called into circle, along with an ever expanding group of hashers who had something in common with the previous set of hashers. I won't even attempt to explain the logic of this, because there wasn't any.

Announcement: We need HARES!!!

The on-in was at the Muddy Charles. There was a baseball game on, and the hash gathered in front of the overhead screen trying not to make too much noise (if that is possible). It was 10:10 and people were hungry. There was some beer, but because at least 8 people didn't pay hash-cash, there wasn't much. There was a lot of pizza, so I expect people had bailed before the Muddy. Speaking of pizza - I'm always amazed at how many people do not eat crusts. I like crusts. There were also whole pizza slices folded up and discarded with just a bite out of them. This is simply wasteful. I realize as I'm grazing on pizza crusts that I'd run out of words. My scribing duties ended at circle, and it was unlikely anything else would happen. I drank a Coke, went down to the basement to pee one last time, and hung out for a little with the herbal appreciation club. Time to begin the long journey home many miles beyond the last T station.

Well - that's about it. I'm sitting at a picnic table by Spot Pond (in the Fells) writing this. The sun is shining, not a cloud in the sky, and a gentle breeze is blowing. I should probably get moving – picnic tables aren't very comfortable to sit at for prolonged periods of time.
Cinco de Augusta Hash (over 9 years ago)
Hares: Hare Club for Queers, Fire in the Hole
Start: Space 669 in the parking lot of Oak Grove T station
Beer Check: At the bottom of an earthworks below a large rock pile
On In: No. 9 Ale House (118 Ferry St Malden)

The pack: I counted 38 people, but more may have came later: Dribbles, Fuwangi Boner (RIH3), Stick it to the Bros, High Anus, 6 inch penalty, Peppermint Pussy, Sugar Plum Fairy, Necrophiliac Jack, Jamaican me Cum, Dirty Latte Sanches, Catheter the Great, The Jizzmopper, Anal Beads, Beat by a Girl, an Inconvinent Poop, Floppy, The Butler Did It, Ski Bobbit, Target Practice, Drippy Spigot, Sketchy HO, Just Jenan, Homobile, Muddy Buddy (Dallas), Shorn Scrotum, Just Adam, Just Angie, Wooden Eye, Just Sara, Just Michael, Just Ellie => Brigham Tongue, Just Lloyd => Maid of Honor, Virgin Cindy, Virgin Rana, (Muddy's virgin), You outta Blow (latecummer), Friar F**K

Who says Boston can't set a shiggy trail, but one which you can get to on the T!

There was actually a space 669, which was empty. Fuwangi parked next to it and was there when I got to the station (at around 6:20). Muddy Buddy and his virgin were there too, and one of them brought beer. Interesting that the only people to get to the start of the run on time are visitors. It's getting dark early folks. 6:30 HST and the hares aren't there - more important the prelube beer isn't there.

Eventually people started rolling up including Hare Club who had much needed refreshments. We had quite a crowd before Fire in the Hole showed up. Shortly after that (or after we finished the beer and the hares were away) there was a quick circle conducted by Jizzmopper. There were fairly standard marks - and a portion of the trail was laid in flour (represented by faint squiggles). Unfortunately Jizz used the H word early on and we spent a lot of time giving the appropriate response. Finally after a quick circle we were off.

Trail started going along a bank, through an apartment complex, and across a main road. After that it was a scramble up a very steep bank. I could barely get myself over the wall, but some hashers helped me. We were now in Pine Bank Park. When I first came to Boston, I'd go exploring by taking the T to the end of each line. Pine Bank Park was my first wilderness experience in the area. Anyway it was great to be in an area I was vaguely familiar with. We passed a ball field and were into the woods. Muddy Buddy lost his virgin. Some of the trail was pretty hard going. Rocks are slippery, and covered with moss. Luckily there were only a few hash crashes, and no serious injuries. There was a check which dead-ended at a spectacular view, but people found trail and there was the all important Beer Near. To get to the beer, we had to cross a few piles of rocks - beyond the piles of rocks was a dirt excavation. Jamaican remarked that this trail was just like the ones in Port of Spain.

The beer was definitely needed, and soon we were off. Trail started off going down a steep gravel hill, but some of us went the other way and had to crawl under a fence. I started to fall behind and caught up with Ski - who I knew had a map. Unfortunately he was heading in the wrong direction. When the cross street wasn't shown on the map, it's time to ask passers by for directions. It's a couple of miles away - go back the way we came. We were actually very close to Oak Grove and it was a straight shot past an endless cemetery. Many of the graves have blue patio lights - I guess these are a stand-in for candles but it made part of the cemetery look like an airport runway. I heard what sounded like a beer check in the cemetery, but Ski said that he didn't hear Jizzmopper so it was probably some random people. As we were walking towards Malden, we ran into some hashers who must know something the rest of the pack didn't. Finally we could actually use the map, and navigated through Malden. The rest of the pack caught up to us, coming in from all directions.

The real trail was in the woods. It was totally dark by this time, and the trail was very steep.

We reached the No 9 Ale House. There were disco lights and very loud music - not the place to conduct a circle. Beer started flowing, and it was time to hang out. Finally the music was turned down and we all gathered around some tables for circle. Jizzmopper was the RA.

Comments on trail: None that really stuck. "Too long and too dark" were too obvious to say. The hares song was Alluette'ing Virgin Cindy.

FRB: Dribbles, Stick it to the Bros (though there was some question as to whither he was first, or was simply called in out of habit), High Anus.

DFL: Jamaican, Just Angi who took a cab to the on-in and called for directions.

Visitors: Fuwangi from RIH3, Ski Bobbit from the Boston Old Farts Hash (yeah right), Muddy Buddy from Dallas. Ski's excuse was that he needed help changing his catheter so of course Catheter the Great joined the visitors in circle. Fuwangi tried to sing the A songAaa; A great Aaa; A long great Aaa .....This song keeps going forever, unless the pack stops it - which they did after a few verses.

Hash Crash: Fire in the Hole, Beat by a Girl.

Erasing the marks with his Urine: Anal Beads (in the winter, urine can be used to mark checks)

Backsliding: Homobile

Racist Behavior (wearing a race shirt): Dirty Latte Sanches.

Birthdays: Catheter the Great, Fire in the Hole.

Pussy Foot (complaining about sand in the shoe): Shorn Scrotum.

Virgins: Virgin Rana was brought by Just Sara. Her favorite sexual position is
the Spoon.

Virgin Cindy was brought by Target Practice. Her favorite barnyard animal is a goat, and she has an orgasm with a goat by going "baaaa".

Virgin (sorry I didn't get your name because there were too many PRIVATE PARTIES) was brought by Muddy Buddy.

Namings: Jizzmopper picked on all the "justs" with more than 5 trails and kept
3 of them for naming. Just Ellie was from Utah so the name "Brigham Tongue" was suggested. Nobody could think of anything better, and instead of voting on it we
simply named her.

Just Lloyd has the same name as Andrew Lloyd Webber so there were various suggestions. "Dont cry for me Gonorrhea", "Alice", "Joseph and The Technicolor Dream C*nt". Unfortunately he liked some of these but told us a story about recent marriages in his family which prompted the name "Maid of Honor". This was the overall favorite so Just Lloyd will be known as Maid of Honor.

Just Sara has something to do with gorillas. "Gorillas in the Fisted", "Gorillas in the Fist", "Who flunked Who" were suggested, but none were the overwhelming favorite so hopefully she'll be named next time and remember to do something really stupid.

Jizzmopper was accused of pointing in the circle.

We did Swing Low and made a grab for the many Pizza's around the bar. There was a little bit more hash beer, but the bar was setting up for Open Mic night. Just Michael went up and sang "Egan" and "Top of the Pops". He used to be a recording artist, and is currently playing with a band called Pleasant Sweaters. most of the pack had left by this point.