Missed a hash? Catch up on all the trash here...
(about 1 year ago)
What: Ahhhnold Hash
Where: The Dogwood
Who: Sex: The Final Frontier, Abraclamidia, Just Mo
Vaginal Discharge (??), Visitor from Porland, World Wide Whore, Boner Doner, Black Cock Down, Can’t Eat Pussy, Clits and Chips, Wikiepdophilia, Bend Over Mommy, Glutneless Maxiumus, Blowbot, Visitor from H5, More? Probably?
Circle was infront of an unused (or closed) garage. The only new check was an “Ahhnold” check where you have to take off your shirt and flex.
Trail Part Conan:
From the start trail went, rather predicitably given the name, through Forest Hills station into the Ahhnold Ahhbouritum, though the marks leading into the park were hard to find (it was dark, not all of pack had cranium lamps). Once we got into the park there was a bery well marked trail along the dirt road to a shot check (weak tea?) about 100 yards in. Trail continued across the road where CEP and I were approached by a rather serious looking man asking if we had seen any goats. Taken aback, we asked him to confirm and he said that a pair of goats which had been hired to trim the grass had been attacked by dogs. We said that we were unaware of such activities as we were but hashers, on a scavenger hunt for beer. He seemed intreguided by this, so we told to him to look up the website and then ran on. We found a song check at the bottom of a hill and people were coming back from scouting out two and outs on the flats, and no one had checked up hill. A bit dismayed I started walking up the side incline and call out one, two, then finally ONON. There was an Arnold check at the top of the hill and I flexed for pack as they then continued to scout down hill and into the flats. Looking at the grassy slope to my left which no one had gone up, I decided to scout up hill and was rewarded with sporatic marks on tree trunks.
NOTE TO HARES: If you are laying trail in shiggy (espesically not on paths), mark on tree trunks!
Following these marks slowly as to allow pack to catch up we eventually got to a check at the top of the hill. Again pack scouted down hill and again I laughed at them and scouted up hill (which ended up being not marked, but there were marks around the crest of the hill to the right) where trail hit a dick check and then turned actually down hill. It was slow going as the mist had set in and it was a cool other woodly run through scattered trees with head lamps swinging too and fro. At the base of the hill we found another shot check and trail then went straight down the road past a BKN (beer kinda near?) and a BRN (beer really near) before eventually getting to the BC at the enterance to the park.
Beer check Chopper:
Was a beer check. We waited for pack to catch up - some people had gotten pretty lost and we were dropping pins to follow. Eventually the hares left, and I think Mommy joined us, and we talked about that one time the Pabst Brewing Company won a Blue Ribbon.
Trail Who’s Your Daddy:
Trail left the park and pack initially scouted rightish since that was the direction to the T. However, that was wrong. There was a decitful on-two next to a BVC which sent pack scurrying across the Jamacia Way. I turned left, not wanting to re-cross the road and ran to the rotarty where I found an on two and a marked false, which I traced back to a song check in the middle of the rotarty. I then ran the perimiter of the rotarty and found another song check, and two leading down a dead end. At about this time, pack caught up with me and trail continued along the Jamaca way towards that pond at the bottom of mission hill. There was a very confusing disaperance of marks (until we realized we had run past a hash sitapeed by the lake), and we eventually found trail running again along the shores of the lake to when it turned back into the park and we found the hares sitting, surronded by beer, in a depression in the landscape.
Beer check Rubber Buddy Fuddy Bumpers-
Was a beer check which had beer.
Trail You’re on ugly mother-mother:
Heady with thoughts of beer, pack raced out of the beer check and ran the wrong way. We double pack and eventually found marks leading back towards the not-really-a-hash-sit-a-pead check only to find it replaced with a true trail arrow pointing into JP. This, at last, made us happy, since the Orange line was roughly that way. We ran a few blocks then got to a main road at which we turned right. Again, this was the wrong direction, as there was a check on the other side of the street and trail went left; past a chruch with it’s requisit song check to, finally a BN and ONIN at Cornwall’s.
(Note: At some point someone washed out the ONIN mark?)
We waited a while for bag car to return, but there was beer to keep up sediated. Eventually bag car showed up and we got bags, and started circle.
The hares were called in and accused of being zey shitty hares ya. It was widely accepted that RAs with fake Austrian accents, while sounding a bit off, was diffinetly less antagonistic than southie accents. More on the RAs later. The hares had nothing to say for themselves, so we told them to use more flour and chalk. At this little melody the patrons of the bar turned to regard us. Next the RAs called in visitors and the girl from Portland (who was also at Indapanties day and bemoaned the lack of 2nd in a dress), sang us an amazing version of “take me out to the ball game” but it was about getting black out drunk and hooking up with someone who’s name you don’t know. We all cheered. We then called in FRBs/FBIs (Mommy and Blackie) and DFL (Clits and Chips), and they drank. I accused Cougar of being a racist (he ran a 100 miler) and he drank; then he accused me of wearing new shoes, so i drank of them. Side note: I’m wearing them at work as I type this. The hares tried to accuse pack of not finding a third shot check, but we called the hares in for laying a shitty trail that didn’t lead us to said shot check. There were more accusations but we eventually moved onto announcements (see below) and then we swang low.
ON - I’ll be back - ON
10/14: Pre-AGM Pub crawl: Probably? Starting maybe at Parker house? I think Disco’s leading it? Udder drunk txted me, or something.
10/15: AGM -=> TOP RAGE: Do you feel the need, the need to RAGE? Come rage with us in your best Top Gun attire (or any 1980’s Tom Cruise movie). The start will be 1pm (ish), the location will be Boston. There will be long drawn out games of homoerotic beach volley ball, and pie.
November: Saddie Hawkins! Talk to Clit notes if you want to help plan.
Feburary: Moon Away
March: Burlington Mardigras
April: BOSTON MARATHON
|GTFO Alston Trash
(about 1 year ago)
What: GTFO Alston Trail
Where: The Sihl
Hares: Blondie McBlowcones Alot, Marblelous Asshole
Bag car: Spermaid.
Just Kent, Just Ian, Stinky Cheese, Shits and Ladders, Captain Connecticunt, Jiggly Tits, Goat Throat, Sketchy, the other harriet who runs anti-buffet, butler, no man, o’boner, boner doner, black cock down, wikipedophilia, vagatarian, cum ear, vistor from dc, clap for clamidia, luva lamp, easy rider, clit and chips, clit notes, a virgin and others i forgot.
Was at the sihl, and i got another free beer. I need to bring a trail there to pay the friendly lady back. Pack slowly started to arrived and we were given “dinner” (ie free popcorn) to all the tables. I might have surprised a muggle who caught me changing in the mens room, but you’re never indecent when putting on a kilt, so I didn’t care. The hares showed up latish - finally realizing that if you live on the k007 51d3 of the river it kinda sucks going south. After some confusion with bag car - if only we knew what that would foreshadow - hares were gay and we finished our beers and went after them.
Was held by the oil-change place until they yelled at us for not being there, or whatever, so we went across the street. The Captain led us in chalk talk and we mentioned all the places in the world we’d rather be than Alston. We then ran back across the street up and hill towards that park we end at alot.
Trail In Alston:
Trail started up the street by the Sihl and we quickly hit a hash sitapeed. Most of pack continued straight, but I scouted a two and out down an alley and eventually caught up with trail coming out of the park. Sadly for Goat and I, there was a shot check that we missed. Aggressive placement by the hares, but no one complains about getting drunk early, except for those who zen around it. Losers. Trail crossed back over brighton street and ran past the shaws to the road over the pike. There was a S/S check at the base of the bridge, but the two trails combined on the bridge. An arrow turned us at the base of the bridge, but it led to a CB4 and trail went through a parking lot, past a tit check (thanks Easy!) and then turned left then right back onto the road from the bridge. Trail continued through LA for a way and it was really a question of “which LA beer stop would they chose.” Eventually marks led us to the gardens by the ampitheatre by where water wars ended and we found the hares.
Trail Still In Alston:
We stood around with the hares waiting for bag car. Bag car got lost. Like wicked lost; seriously evilly lost. When we got there hares said that they had overshot and ended up on the other side of the river by Mount Auburn. Then they said that they were coming back. Then they said that they had missed the turn again and were south-bound on soldiers field, so we’d just meet them on the other side of the bridge by the VFW/Rowing boathouse.
Trail GTFO Alston:
The hares marked trail - pretty much straight true, but I think there was a song check - threw the park and across the bridge.
We then hung out by the boat house waiting for bag who was on the cambridge side of western ave. They then crossed back over the river at the JFK bridge and got on Soldiers field road outbound, eventually crossing back over and being waved into the parking lot by 3 dozen tried, sober, thirsty hashers.
Beer check 1:
Trail to BC #2:
Was the best laid segment of any trail all year!
Beer check 2:
Was even more amazing!
The hares left roughly around the time BC#2 was marked and we finished our second beers before running after them.
Note on haring change:
Bag car having been relieved of her duties (and given a beer), was replaced by Blonde who drove off as Marbles went to lay trail.
Trail Not in Alston:
Cross memorial drive; though not at a street light and luckily no one was killed. We ran to a song check and sang the beginning of the engineer song, then went and looked for trial found a check back the f*cked pack right up. We had no idea where trail went until eventually Falmon and I found it going up a random street and we called on. We hit a group hug, and a dick/tit check before crossing into the, i think it’s called, “Huron Village” area before getting a check at Paddy’s. Paddy’s was a false; true trail went straight to Doherty park. When we arrived there was pizza, beer, orange food and we knew we were ONIN.
The hares were called in and we told them they should’ve used more flour and chalk, or given bag car a map! Next bag car was called in and we told her use a map! The visitor from DC was called in and we sang to her a nice friendly song. It was great. Then Clap for Chlamydia was called for abandoning us to DC and we sang him a song about all the farms in our nation's capital. It was one of the more aggressive Old McDonalds I’d seen. There was, at that point, one person in the circle who was very, very confused so the virgin was called in. Clit notes stepped forward to dement him and we learned that he sucks at math, doesn’t know what a dollar menu is, and is backwoods; then something a fucking his girlfriend’s mother? Whatever. Captian showed him how to do a down-down, and he drank. We then moved onto accusations. We accused the bag car of getting lost again, because, well, she deserved it. Then everyone who was given a patch for completing the “marathon challenge” [if you have, let me know and i’ll give you one]. I was then accused of not messing up a song? Whatever, I drank, and didn’t sing Nancy Brown, even though I just remembered now that our visitor was from WV and i should have! Curses! Anyone who ran a marathon was called in, and anyone who travelled out of state. There was a lot of beer so we accused people who were not wearing hash attire to drink, then we accused same shirts to drink. Eventually we all were drunk and we swang low. I know I’m skipping at least 2 accusations, but if you remember accuse me next week of forgetting your accusations! Announcements below.
On - GTFO Alston - On
Wednesday 9/14: Return to Quincy trail! That’s right kids, we’re going to the other end of the redline! Details soon. Hares are Clit Notes and Wiki.
Friday 9/16: Boston Full Moon H3, Start is Harpoon Brewery, hares are Wifeout and Dryhose
Saturday 9/17: Seacoast Redress Pub Crawl in Dover NH - train leaves north station at 9. Contact wiki if you want to go, he (i) will put you in contact with the SH3 people.
Saturday 9/17: Boston Ball Buster Hardcore Hash in Northboro - details will be announced shortly. Contact Too Short Too Tuck for info.
Saturday 9/17: Poof, I think? Check www.poofh3.com for details.
October 15th: Boston H3 AGM - Start is Coopersmith. Theme is Top Gun.
November 11/12: Philly White dress.
December 9-11: Antibuffet; rego info at some point.
January: Robbie Burns
Feburary: Moon away
March: Burlington Mardi Gras and Philly Green Dress
April: MARATHON 2017
July: Burlington INVIHASH
August: Stop planning a year in advance and drink a beer!
|Douches Birthday Hash Trash
(about 1 year ago)
What: Douches Birthday Hash
Where: The Field Pub
Hares: E=ImaDouche, Easy as 123
Bag Car: Just Kent
Nercophiliac Jack, Stinky Cheese, THE 2nd cuming, SALTY MOTHERFUCKING MUD FLAPS, The Butler Hit It, Dry Hose, Just from NC, Just Ian, another Just, a virgin, Clits and Chips, Bum Fucking Vagabond, Sketchy Ho, Twat My Mom, Can’t Eat Pussy, Pussy Passport, No Man, Queer and Foaming, others I forgot
Pack slowly trickled in, reaching critical capacity around 7, before the hares even arrived. The hares didn’t even enter the bar, just walked up to the pre-trail-trail-heads and said they’d lay marks to the bag car. The trail heads were confused (aren’t we always), but relayed this information to the RAs, who called bag car in 6.9 minutes.
Trail to bag car:
Was well marked, and pack slowly shuffled along until, at the entrance to the parking lot there was an strange looking mark - “WN” - and then a “WC/Bag car!...that’s right, there was a...
(at bag car)
We traded our bags for a bag of wine and proceeded with chalk talk in an ajoinining parking lot. We were all asked to say something nice about the birthday boy - he drinks gamdansk like a champ, looks great on a cross, and has other unique parts to his personality. Marks were reviewed for the virgins, justs and long time back-sliders, then pack was off.
Trail started down mass ave then turned right as Asgard, past a Hash Sitapeed by a park, jumped a block then ran into a parking garage. Blackie and I discussed the “summer of parking garages” that happened years ago and prayed that this wasn’t a return. It wasn’t. Trail went up a set of stairs, across a level, then down another set of stairs and through some alleys to the train tracks. There was a true trail pointing down the tracks which led up back, briefly to mass ave. We turn right at Paradise, or close enough there to, I commented to blackie again (it wasn’t actually him, but whatever), jokingly, “Beer Mile near?” Before looking down at the side walk and seeing those exact words in chalk with a true trail arrow pointing to the MIT track. There was some confusion in pack “Is this really happening?” “Yes!” “Does the cop there care?” “No!” “Is Cougar running sprints?” “Yes!”
*This was called “trail hobbit” because hobbits give presents to their friends on the occasion of their birthday, not the other way around; the beer mile was a gift to pack!
The beer mile was announced and once the friendly cop left - he asked if we were going to videotape, or if this was “an official beer mile” No, we assured him, it’s a casual beer mile; which is something he hadn’t heard of. He then told us that the MIT track had been redone over the summer (it’s all soft and squishy now) and then rhode off on his bike. The track work out people kindly asked that we use the outside lanes and dragged over two trash barrels for us so that we wouldn’t refund on their track. Since people were a bit surprised by the surprise beer mile, and most of us had to work today, the participants were broken up into relay teams; only Douche, CEP, Cougar and Stinky did the solo miles. Cougar was persuaded to join us (only after getting permission from his “coach”) and the most blessed sound in the world was heard as the cans were cracked. Beer miles do not lend themselves to trash - you run in a circle 4 times - but Cougar won followed by Douche, Stinky and CEP; team Easy Cumming (Easy + 2nd) won the relay, dispite 2nd going a penalty lap. The RAs instructed us that there would be a Turkey/Eagle split on the next section of trail. The Eagles would get a shot, but an increased likelihood of dying.
Trail for the Birds-
Continued down whatever road the MIT track was on. The Eagles split off to run down the train tracks, and the narration will join them later. The turkeys continued straight and hit a tit check; which the harriets ran through (as they are allowed to) but the male justs who I was with also ran through before trail was called on! Trail continued to Memorial drive; there was a true trail drawn crossing Mem drive, but was crossed out with “Fuck that shit” written next to it and trail was laid down to the rotary. I, of course, crossed Mem drive and ran to goose shit, expecting to find libations, but instead found eagles who didn’t want to die, and led them out of goose shit, across the BU bridge to magazine beach where Easy was doing pull ups. She declared that we had reached the on-in and ran off to find bag car...which was parked like 50ft away, but more on that later. The narration will now rejoin the eagles.
According to the hare, trail was laid, and scouted, primarily for the eagles, or, more precisely for the EEE - which makes sense because the rest of the trail was a bit of a shit show. Those who were truly eagles at heart, and enjoyed a brief flirtation with death, continued following marks of flour on the tracks on the bridge over the charles. It’s a bit of a tough, and slow, transverse, as the bridge is built for train, not pedestrian traffic, and the river isn’t all too deep under you. Pack eventually made it across and then scrambled up an embankment to a construction site behind BU, where they found the birthday boy waiting with nips of tequila. Shots were had and the hare traipsed off up the slope and through BU to the footpath over Storrow. Trail turned left and ran along the river, under the bridge they had crossed earlier to true trail pointing out across the Charles; across which they could see pack waving and drinking merely without them.
After some communication issue with the food providers - contrary to what they show on TV, most places will not deliver to a parking lot - bag car was dispatched get pizza and we circled under darkening skies. Hares were called in and forced to listen to all the nice things we had to say about them; then we told them they should have used more flour and chalk. They sang something back to us, which I genuinely don’t remember - oh, no, yes i do - they sang Dina! We then called in FBR - blackie and FBI - just from North Carolina - who was also accused of being a virgin because she cut her hair. When asked why she cut her hair she said that she had grown tired of pulling it out of her ass. Technically she didn’t say that in circle, she told me that privately during a conversation at the start but, you know, remember that for future reference. Also her boyfriends likes it better short; remember that too. Back to circle, they drank and were kicked out; DFLs were called in, and it was Douche, so Easy had to drink too. At this point the Virgin was very confused so we called him in and Foamy demented/played 20 questions with him. He sucks at math, helps his uncle jack off, is backwoods and would rather watch porn with his parents than of; i might have made up that last one. Either way; he’s not worthy, but we’ll take him anyway. After that, since there were no visitors - quasi visitors were called in - ie, people who have lived abroad for 6 months and returned to us - SKETCHY!! I think that ex-GMs, kilted hashers and danish nash hash people all drank with her. We then accused team Easy Cum of winning the beer mile, since the real winners weren’t there, so they drank again. Douche protested that, minus Cougar, he won, so he drunk again, and Easy joined him. Shart drank for sweat test failure. I was accused of missing the trash can and drank for alcohol abuse. Stinky Cheese drank for winning the swimming portion of the hash (but we didn’t sing to him about whales). We named Foamy’s dog; pizza was brought out and we swang low. See announcements below.
On - one year closer to death - On
Camp out on Paddocks this weekend; Today is the last day to sign up, otherwise trail is Saturday. Details on the website.
Taco needs hares.
September 16th: Full Moon - Wifeout is haring.
September 17th: Seacoast red dress pub crawl
September 17th: Maybe poof.
September 24th: Ballbuster in Nothboro?
October 15th: BOSTON AGM - TOP RAGE.
“I feel the need, the need to rage!”
December: 9-11 -> ANTIBUFFET; rego will be up...sometime?
December 16-18: Chicago ANTHRAX!
Januaray: Robbie Burns
Feburary: Moon away
March: Burlington Mardi Gras
April: BOSTON MARATHON WEEKEND
June: Someone needs to do an event so I can fill this out better...
July: Burlington Invihash
August: It’s like a year from now; who cares; go drink!
|Turkeys Together, Turkeys Forever!
(about 1 year ago)
What: Turkeys Together, Turkeys Forver!
Hares: Anal Disco*, Chunderelli, Chunderelli
Bag car: No man
Visitor from Abu Dahbi, Motherload, Just from North Carolina, Just Anne*, Boner Doner, O’Boner, Wikipedophilia, Bring Out the Gimp, Wifeout, Willy Wonka and the Backdoor Factory, Vagatarian, PTS-DD, Virgin, Luva Lamp, Twat My Mom, Dribbles, Hoover McSuck and Fuck, Goes Down on Bouys, Can’t Eat Pussy, Pussy Passport, Mudslut, O’Boner, Friar Fuck, Orgamsm Falmon, Shits and Ladders, others I forget...
Was at sligo, which we took over rather quickly. While the bartenders admitted that Django was cute (and everyone loved corgis), he was not allowed inside, so O’Boner sipped her ice-tea on the sidewalk, while we sipped our PBRs in the air conditioning. Eventually bag car showed up and I’m assuming the hares “ran” away. We finished our beers and CEP led up in chalk-talk with the question “What your favourite way Disco got you drunk?” - Blue Drink, and Happy/Sad were the winners.
[quick note: I looked up the trail section names for different names for turkeys, and almost every non-english language calls them “[some other country] chicken” where [some other country] is the country they were first imported from...anyway...back to the trash...]
Chalk talk was actually two checks into trail, but we scouted around and found trail leading through the weird warren of streets between Davis Square and Mass. Ave before eventually crossing Mass ave, in a manner which can only be described as packs best approximation of how a flock of turkeys would - with a wild indifference to the presence and movement of motor vehicles. After more running around the neighboorhood between Mass Ave and the commuter rail tracks we came upon a Turkey/Eagle split at the bottom of a hill; and people actually took the eagle! It was a false up the hill; turkey trail turned right and ran through some condos before coming to a park with tennis courts and a cool tunnel.
There were two bags of wine. They were drunk.
Did not go through the cool bridge but wound through the neighboorhood some more before cross the tracks (I think, I’m not gonna pull out my phone to check) and we came quickly to the beer check in an abandoned parking lot.
There was beer, some of it was cold.
Left the beer check and ran past a cop who couldn’t care less about us. It then cross the street and looped through an apartment complex. We were finally getting our legs going when we stumbled upon a bottle of fireball.
Shot check laeta aut tristis es:
Was fireball; we were both happy and sad.
Was out of the condo/apartment complex and to the edge of Doherty park.
Beer check gallopavo:
There was no bag car (she had gone to the original beer check), but the hares had decided that turkeys don’t run up hill, so they stayed at the bottom and one of the hares was dispatched to get the beer and the walkers. Since we arrived at the beer check at maybe 8:15, we were told we had to finish the wine and shots (at least) before leaving. A half an hour later, the hares left; at 8:50, they altered us they were at the onin and we left.
Trai Meleagris gallopavo silvestris:
Was around the park, past a softball game, and to Paddys.
Circle, a bit chaotic, started shortly after we arrived. We called the hares in and got comments on trail - mostly “gobble gobble” and “not enough blue drink.” We informed the hares that they should have used more flour and chalk, and they then sang about their favourite car; I perfected my verses, but wiking a song is a horrible disease and it’s spreading. We then called in FRB (me!) and FBI (Just from North Carolina) and then DLF - Friar and Mud Slut; they were lonesome on trail. We then called in the Virgins - there were actually 3 of them, despite the listed attendance. They are all skiers, and I believed groomed? I was getting beer; anyway they were rather confused as we explained our traditions, but figured out what “down-down” meant easily enough. Before moving fully into accusations, just Anne was called in and accused of being a Just and telling CEP an embarrassing story on trail! She was in the air force but left because she was in a threesome that didn’t go as planned; again, i missed the story as I was getting beer, but that’s what I’m going with. We quickly decided that “Vaginal Discharge” was an appropriate name, so while Just Anne went down, she will be known henceforth and forever more in the world of hashing as Vaginal Discharge. The floor was then opened up to general accusations and the visitor from Abu Badhi was called in and sang us a song of his people. Hash crashes were called in, so one of the virgins - now a just - who tripped over a speed bump drank. There were more accusations, but I forget them, so announcements were called for (see below) and we swang low.
On - Turkeys together, turkeys forever - On
General: Please try to keep the side conversations to a minimum in circle; if you want to talk go to a different area of the bar. It’s hard to hear the RA, acusizers and accused if everyone is talking.
Saturday: PooF H3 on the Cape. Go to www.poofh3.com for details and to RSVP - in order to get trail info you need to RSVP.
Saturday: Pink Taco H3: Maverick Market Place Cafe, 11am, HST
Wednesday: A trail?
Friday-Saturday: Campout and trails in the Harbour Islands. Talk to Twat/Dry Hose.
September 17th: Seacoast H3 Red Dress Run -> It’s pub crawl in Dover, you can take the train up and back. RAGE
October 14th: Boston AGM -> TOP RAGE! I Feel the need, the need to rage!
Janurary: Robbie Burns
Feburary: Moon away
March: Burlington Mardi Gras/Philly Green Dress
April: BH3 Marathon!!!!
June: Who plans this far in advance?
STOP READING AND DRINK A BEER!
|That time GAP visited and we allowed him to hare a trail...trash
(over 1 year ago)
What: Return of GAP Trail trash
Where: Maragairtas, Wellington
Hares: General Ass Pounder, Vagitarian, Immaculate Erection
Bag Car: Mastor Gator
Pac..A shit ton of people..luckily Fellowship took attendance, otherwise I’d never have remembered half of you...
Fellowship of the Cockring, PoPo Peepshow, Double Fisted Fence Fucker, Blackcock Down, Just Erik, Capt Connecticunt, Peppermint Pussy, Spank Me May I have my Mother, Hare Club for Queers, O'Boner, The Butler Hit It, Stick it to the Bros, Silent but Deadly, Twat My Mom, Just Ian, Clit Notes, Pat my fly, Wikipedophilia, Orgasm Falmon, 3 Ring Cervix, Can’t Eat Pussy, Glutenless Maximuss, +2 Coonass, Yankee Pay $5 More, Friar Fuck, 5 inch Penalty, Goat Throat, Dribbles, High anus,Clit van Winkle, Pussy Passport, Just Konrad, Just Matt (toe shoes), Just Alex, Mud Slut, No Man On the Moon, Willy Wonka and the Backfoor Factory, Virgin Kent, Just Lila, Too short to tuck, Ski Bobbit, THE 2nd Cumming, Necropheliac Jack, E=IMaDouche, Udder Whore, Mr Rogers, Bend Over Mommy, Sloppy Thirds
I arrived after the hares were already gay, so I have a limit ability to report on what happened before trail started; however I can say that Too Short To Touk ordered a margarita right before pay away was called, and he downed it!
Had the ominous start of the bag car not being there, so we reviewed marks for the visitors, virgins and backsliders with our bags on; the question was “how will you die on a gap trail?”
The very first mark was a Turkey Eagle split, and, having been warned (or at least promised) level 5 (or above shiggy) I darted through traffic to follow trail. Trail took great effort to cross all 3451415315913 lanes of the fucked up rotary by Wellington before eventually abandoning the creek to run us through some light-urban-burbs. We ran up a hill, then down a hill on a called two and out, before running back up the hill and down another to a song check in a park. We sang about the perils of the female condition to a playground full of very confused tweens before dashing off towards BJs, abandoned train tracks and gravel fill behind a Wendy’s. However trail went into none of the aforementioned shiggy, instead sticking to the pavement and winding back under the Orange line. We passed a shockingly named restaurant (Dockside) and then had a song check by a loading dock. Following the RAs instruction I sang a long song (the engineer song) to wait for pack to catch up, and despite missing a verse or two, and messing up the order of some others, it worked perfectly as I was singing about “the whole damn thing was covered in shit” Butler showed up! Trail continued past a set of condos, and 2nd turned into zen to the BC - Bros also followed him, and they were correct, but trail actually continued down in front of the construction before turning in towards the riverside park. It should be noted that I zenned through some trees, got tangled in vines and fell on my face scrambling to get free while pack laughed and ran past. Getting to the river walk we turned right, and after a few hundred yards found the Beer Check by the side of the river.
Beer Check Sweat Floridian Shit:
We drank the Gainsborough equivalent of Gansett Shandy, but it was somehow worse. There were also some grapefruit IPAs and water. We all stood around and listened to our elders talk about the last time trail had some through here and cross the river to a beer check on the island in the Mystic. However, the hares, being NCAA couches and doctors, decided that already green water, after the run off from the first rain in months, would not necessarily be safe for swimming, so we just chilled on the river watching the families stroll by wondering why they had come to America to share their river walks with sweaty drunks.
The hares left and we got bored, so Jack and I left and walked trail until pack caught (basically the exit of the park); from there trail cut through another industrial lot and cross the Mystic river. We hit a check and a YBF. On returning to the check we found a Nips sitting in a car wondering WTF we were doing; hashing, we told her? On pavement she asked, agast? Verily, we said, and invited her to join. She demurred saying something about dogs, good beer and bleeps, or something. CEP and (and think a just) disappeared down the bike path in a generally southerly direction and never returned. Fellowship was leading about the other 3/4rds of pack when he stopped and, without evidence, said he thought we might be running Turkey/Walkers no-no, so we turned back and scouted every other direction, before giving up and actually following the marks. Shockingly, they led us to beer; arriving at the same time as a group of very beleaguered looking turkeys, speaking of which...
Trail - Turkey Death March Lost Trail
The Turkeys started off bold and strong, as turkeys normally do, with cries of “TURKEYS TOGETHER!!!” oh, how little did we know how true that would be. The first check took us right away from the Eagles. At the second check, we immediately struggled to find the direction we should be going in. After we discovered that marks had changed from chalk to washed away flour, we continued straight across (as Dribbles called it ) “that damn bridge that we always go over. “ Pack continued along together through a neighborhood where we started noticing that checks and some marks were not as noticeable. This is about where most of us came to the horrible conclusion that since this was a dead-laid trail, and it had poured, most of the checks were gone.
Pack somehow came out to a song check along main? Street. We stayed a while to make sure that everyone had caught up, and at the request for medium length songs. After singing a not well known song (Manana), pack realized we had lost Wonka and Dribbles. Terribly worried for their safety, Twat left a note that we left and we continued on….. only to cross the street and have no frickin clue where to go.
I am going to short cut this next part of this only to say that it sucked. There was a washed away CB, washed away checks, and washed away marks. If you were to visit the area of the turkey trail today you would find about 100 crossed off pack marks, going in each and every direction. So many pack marks were left that we were down to three little nubbins of chalk by the time we were done. It was only by the Deus ex Machina of Nips that we were able to find our one (AND ONLY you Eagle bastards) BC. The turkeys did come into the BC happier than anyone has ever come into a BC before.
Turkeys preserved and we are stronger for it. TURKEYS FOREVER!
[guest scribed by O’Boner]
Beer Check Perfect timing:
As the Eagles and Turkeys ran into each other in their rush for beer, GAP stood up and proclaimed “Eagles and Turkeys coming to the beer check at the same time! This is a perfect trail!” We told him to shut up and we drank beers and ate food.
Was pretty much a death march to the “Gateway Center” (that’s what google calls it). The first section was the remainder of the bike path, which included the hilarious conversation of Jack and I poking fun at a Just, calling him young, when he yelled “I’m not young; I’m 29!!!” Jack and I nearly tripped over ourselves laughing, but did think it complementary that he thought we were in our mid-20s; totally based off young, spry, looks and not a general tendency towards debauchery.
At the end of the bike path there was an interesting trail element that needs mentioning; we, for about the distance of 2 blocks, overran (no-no) turkey trail from earlier. However, the were flour marks and all pack marks had been crossed out and arrows laid next to them; so trail clearly turned right and the leading dozen or so people - a mix of original turkeys and new eagles - followed marks pretty well until we got to another instance of frogger across whatever fucking highway that is that leads towards the “Gateway Center” [I seriously hate the roads over there], and found marks leading to the a small clearing behind Micheals.
However, that was only a dozen out of the maybe 3-4 dozen hashers on trail. The rest apparently reached the end of the bike path and decided “Fuck this, lets follow turkey trail.” Now, in their defense the hares and only crossed out the first two or three marks, meaning that if you ran far enough you’d find marks, checks, etc, which, apparently pack did. Somehow they figured out their error and winded up at the end, but they filtered in so slowly that some were still arriving as we were circling.
As previously mentioned pack took their good time coming to the ONIN, which was good because so did bag car. Eventually Mastor Gator showed up with bags, beer, and pizza. His car was unloaded and the sweet nectars and delicious nutrients were brought to the waiting hashers. As we were filling our faces a security guard showed up and warned us about coyotes! We assured her that would sing loud and proud and then warned Friar against passing out in the bushes.
The hares were called in and commets were taken; mainly that both trails turned into a death march with none of the promised shiggy. We told them to use more flour and chalk, and they sang us about their favourite 70s car. FRBs were called in, and it was blackie and, since no harriets volunteered themselves, Falmon was called in (even though she came into circle was we were signing El-Camino). As we were singing to them Pat and Ski walked in to claim DFL, without opposition. We then called in a very eager Virgin, who thinks that sheep moo when they cum, and taught him how to drink. Visitors were called in - one from Guan, one from Noth Carolinia - and they tried to sing a different version of the PooFlinger song! Just Conrad was again accused of being a just and again called into be named. We got closer this time - Border Shitter, and Bloody on the Botom - were strong contenders but we threw him back and continued with accusations. THE 2nd Cumming was accused of losing his Happi Coat again, which turned into a quasi-social since when one ex-GM drinks, they all drink! After that Boner and I traded acquisitions, Butler and I were called in for same socks (BOSTON SHIGGY), and circle started to lose steam, so we moved onto announcements (see below) then swang long.
On - GAP trails aren’t so bad... - On
Volunteer for Mismanagment! RA, Hare Raiser, Dementress, Scribe, Beer Bitch positions open! Talk to Udder or I.
TONIGHT: Eager 4 Beaver, Farewell Wonka Trial! Start is 1 Nason Terrace, Woburn MA at 6:30HST, $1 hash cash.
FRIDAY: Color HASH and BBQ, 6:30HST at Charlies Kitchen in Harvard Square, $15.
SATURDAY: Seacoast Float Hash, 15 River Rd, Plymouth, NH. Float starts at 11, $5 for circle beer and orange food. BYOB for the float, and food for grilling after. Crash space available.
Wednesday, 8/17: Show Me is haring and needs a cohare (maybe a just?) to help.
Friday 8/19: CAPTURE THE BEER Moon Hash! Start is Sunset Cantina on Comm ave in Boston, 6:30HST, $5.
Saturday 8/20: BREWERY BUSTER trail; Ballbuster trail hitting almost a dozen breweries in one day! $3 HC for beer mosas and cricle beer, bring cash for beer checks. Start is the Marine Industrial Park off Summer St, 10:30HST
Saturday 8/27: August Taco River Hash!
Saturday 8/27: PooF on Cape Cod!
Saturday 9/3: Harbour Island hash!
Saturday 10/15: BOSTON H3 AGM: TOP RAGE!
January: Robbie Burns
Febuery: Moon Away
March: Burlington Mardi Gras
April: BH3 MARATHON