Missed a hash? Catch up on all the trash here...
|September 8 Hash Trash
(about 1 month ago)
Happy Jew Year Trail
Hares: Dry Hoes, Quarter Mile Queer
Bag Car: Sex the Final Frontier
Pack: Chunderellie Chunderellie, Clit Notes, C*ntcussion, Dribbles, Extra Terresticle, Fellowship of the Cockring, Five Inch Penalty, Frosty the F*ckman, Holy Dumpster Fire, Luva Lamp, Mudslut, Popo Peepshow, Shits and Ladders, Slothy Seconds, Snap On Snap Off, Spunk in the Trunk, Swedish Eagle, Testicular Mechanics, The Buttler Hit It, Wikipedophilia
Pre-lube: 3 Amigos
Beer Check: Fellsmere Park
Shot Check: Pinnacle Rock Trailhead
On-in: Pine Banks Park
When it comes to Malden trails, Swedish Eagle just can't catch a break. A few months ago he suffered the epic hash crash, then this time he suffered choice words from a Karen in an SUV with a Massachusetts Animal Coalition special license plate. Pack had just wrapped up at the shot check when this woman pulled up next to Sweagle, who was running with Butt Pug, to tell him he was overheating his dog. Sweagle calmly pointed out that his dog frequently goes running with him and has no problem indicating when he needs to walk, and that he had cold water with him should his dog need it, but this driver wouldn't let it go. It escalated to Sweagle saying that his dog was fit whereas her dog was fat. A few other hashers joined in. Slothy, our transplant from Philly, squealed in delight over the whole episode. The driver continued by yelling out something about how she volunteers at an animal shelter, as if that qualifies her to accost people who were just minding their own business, before eventually driving off. I really thought we were going to get the cops called on us, but we managed to dodge that bullet.
Trail last night was themed the Happy Jew Year trail to recognize Rosh Hashanah which occurred earlier in the week (Happy 5769 plus 13). Hares supplied pack with one apple byproduct: cider, but did not bring a shofar to blow (I was prepared for shouts of tequila, shevodka, and terurum). We finished up past Oak Grove at the Pine Banks Park and started circle with comments of not enough chalk, too much chalk, not enough people, too many people, not enough Karens, and too many Karens. Wiki was the FRB and for some reason was also the FBI, while Clit Notes was the DFL. We formally welcomed our transplant, Slothy Seconds, from the Ben Franklin Mob. She said she's in Boston to earn her hash cash, and she sang us an OG hash song to the tune of Let It Go. Luva and Frosty drank for September birthdays, while QMQ also drank for Fireball's birthday. Backsliders were many, while Justs were non-existent.
Accusations opened with one for C*ntcussion and Sweagle for being yelled at for giving their dog heat stroke, then one for Testicular, Wiki, and Spunk who all had a hash crash. QMQ drank for losing his clear sunglasses, and he did his down-down to what I think was an OG song from Mudslut and Popo. There was a Chosen People down-down, then an accusation for Slothy, Fellowship, and Popo who thought Butt Pug liked them when he actually was giving them attention in exchange for tortilla chips. Same shirt wearers did their down-down. Five Inch sang his Malort song. Wiki accused the RA of it being too hot. Sweagle gave the RA an honor down-down for no rain. Wiki accused Shits of something that didn't make enough sense for me to write it down. Sex was accused of driving his mom's car. Wiki accused Sex of Wikiing a song. Buttler gave Wiki an honor down-down for getting a song mostly right. (This is going to keep going on. Circle went 45 minutes and we're only halfway there.)
QMQ, Popo, Fellowship, Mudslut, and Snap On all came in for a private party, which was the perfect time for a 10-minute rendition of Jesus Saves, where pack essentially turned it into a Bible study by creating verses for just about every character in the Old and New Testament. (We covered Abraham, Moses, Noah, Jonah, and Aaron just to name a few. Not sure if anyone did "Goliath can't go hashing cause he's busy getting stoned," but that's my personal favorite in the extended verses edition.) At some point Fireball showed up, so she drank for her sweat test failure. Then QMQ drank for drinking for Fireball during the birthdays down-down. A few hashers drank for phones in circle (Scribe is exempt, bitches). Shits accused Jeppsen of being too cute. Then Sex accused anyone who stroked Jeppsen affectionately. (How did they not get accused of using Butt Pug's nerd name?) Buttler accused Slothy of not hashing with her home kennel recently, but the accusation was so weirdly worded that I think he joined her for the down-down. Wiki accused Testicular of drafting a fantasy team during circle, which was followed by Testicular being accused of calling Spunk Sketchy. At this point, despite all the beer that was still left over, Chunderellie wrapped up the accusations and moved us to announcements.
Next week Sex is haring a Somervillens trail with a recent transplant. A Harbor Islands campout will eventually happen. Wiki is still plugging his June 2022 trust me. AGM is October 2. Volunteer for MisMan. September 22 is Barbie and my Tutus and Nuptials trail, possibly starting at Alibi if we decide the space can handle us. Shits, Fireball, Testicular, Chunderellie, and Sweagle each had an announcement, but aside from "we're going to drink 99 beers before we even leave the pre-lube," I didn't catch any of them. We did our hash religion, then proceeded to head home.
|August 11 Hash Trash
(2 months ago)
One Year Closer to Death: Do Me Decimal
Hare: Do Me Decimal
Bag Car: Wikipedophilia
Pack: Chunderellie Chunderellie, Dribbles, Edward Sissy Hands, El Pornito, Extra Terresticle, Holy Dumpster Fire, Just Joel, Kooter Kunte, No Man on the Moon, Patron Taint of the Willing Tongue, Poked My Stripper, Quarter Mile Queer, Testicular Mechanics, Topless Barbie
Pre-lube: Biddy Early's
Shot Check: Bridge next to Barking Crab
Beer Check 1: A Street Park
Beer Check 2: Peters Park
On-In: Rolling Bridge Park
The last time I ran a Do Me trail in South Boston, I was salty from running an extra mile on the turkey/eagle split. This time I was salty from sweating so much in the sweltering 90.69+ degree weather (thanks, RA). There were some rumblings about how trail seemed eerily familiar to the Divorce Hash, but fortunately we did not have to death march to Castle Island and back. Although I may actually have enjoyed going for a swim in Pleasure Bay. In honor of their birthday, Do Me gifted the pack with a very well-marked trail complete with no fewer than 25 song checks. I even wondered at one point whether we were going to go through an entire hash hymnal on trail. And while there were so many song checks, we had just one hash sitapede, which only four hashers attempted while the other 10 said, "yeah, no, that's not gonna happen."
At the on-in, trail comments included didn't sweat enough, sweat too much, too many song checks, not enough song checks, and Do Me is hot. Testicular was the FRB, No Man was the FBI, and El Pornito was the DFL. Our visitors were Kooter Kunte from DC, Patron Taint from Long Island Lunatics, and Poked My Stripper who tried to explain the history and politics of the northwest South Carolina kennels to me, but he only thing I remembered was that he has never hashed with the Trash. Testicular sang them the jellyfish song which people were actually excited about. Backsliders included Barbie, Pornito, and Poked, and their excuses were working, twerking, and kids. Do Me received a down down for their birthday and analversary, and then high fived half the circle.
Accusations opened with Testicular accusing Do Me of wearing The Flash socks, but they were actually Batman socks, so both did a down down. Quarter Mile drank for delegating song duties to Testicular, then drank for getting his kinds of alcohol confused (someone retold the story of when he used Fireball to clean off his eye makeup). Four of us drank for signing a chalkboard in the South End, Do Me for haring three trails in seven days (and being bag car for one), Wiki for his carbon neutral beer carrying wagon, and Quarter Mile for confusing a witchy way with a turkey eagle. Do Me accused Barbie and me for getting married in October. All the Genesee drinkers were accused of drinking a beer from marathon, all the hashers who told stories from trails that happened in the past drank, and all the Long Island natives drank.
At this point Dribbles was accused of having a cool shirt. The shirt happened to be her daughter's, and so Dribbles told us the story of her daughter stealing her pink marathon shirt (you all know which one I'm talking about) and wearing it to soccer practice. Then Just Joel was accused of not having been accused of anything yet. Wiki was accused of missing Do Me's happy birthday song, but it was with good reason as he was busy getting them an ice cream cake. He got plates, but couldn't find forks so people had to use kebab skewers to eat the dessert. We were winding down, but still had a few more accusations. Everyone who was too young to run for president drank, then Wiki accused Quarter Mile of not being at the White House to witness the Monica Lewinski incident. (That one doesn't make much sense to me either.)
Announcements included Dribbles' Beantown H3 trail on Sunday starting at the Harp + Bard, Barbie and my Tutu trail on September 22, a Carolina Trash Flash Hash that you can sign up for, and the DC RDR on October 9. BH3 needs a hare for next Wednesday, AGM is on October 2, Wiki's doing a trust me on June 18, 2022, Misman is seeking volunteers for next year, and Do Me wants you all to eat their ice cream cake.
Phew, that was a lot. Thanks for reading.
|August 4 Hash Trash
(2 months ago)
Hashing of the Bulls V? IX?
Bag Car: Snatchchat
Pack: Anal Disco, Chunderellie Chunderellie, Clit Notes, Cums Like Clockwork, C*ntcussion, Extra Terresticle, Full Frontal Fireball, Holy Dumpster Fire, Just Harry, Just Remy, No Man on the Moon, Sonic Bum, Testicular Mechanics, The Buttler Hit It, Wikipedophilia
Pre-lube: Charlie's Kitchen
Beer check: Corporal Burns Playground
Wine check: Dana Square Park
On-in: Fort Washington Park
Last night, O'Boner brought back a popular theme: Hashing of the Bulls. Like the Festival of San Fermin in Pamplona, most of the hashers dressed in white with red bandanas while a few hashers wore darker colors and played the part of the bulls, "goring" hashers as they passed them on the street. I wish I brought my BAGGO patches because there was lots of red wine flowing on trail. If a bull were to gore a member of the pack, not only were they marked with a neon colored sticker, but they were also treated to the baggo. Playing the part of the bulls were Chunderellie and Testicular, while C*ntcussion and Disco acted as walking bulls.
Comments on trail included not enough goring, too much goring, not enough rain, too much rain, not enough baggo, and too much baggo. Wiki was the FRB and Disco also drank, though I did not catch why. Buttler and the bulls drank for being DFLs, even though the bulls were actually the third and fourth hashers into the on-in. (Not going to try to figure that one out either.) All who celebrated a birthday between last night and the last trail they ran drank--a group that included Just Harry, Snatchchat, Sonic Bum, and Disco. Then the backsliders drank, namely Snatchchat, Sonic Bum, and Disco.
Buttler accused the RA of the weather (rain), then Wiki, Sonic Bum, and Clit Notes drank for same shirts--though Wiki's shirt had seen brighter days. Clockwork drank for alcohol abuse, which I think was because he almost decapitated people with the baggo. Fireball accused the walking bulls of being bulls but having no baggo on the first leg of trail. Then Clit Notes accused the running bulls of being outwitted by a Just (Remy). Apparently Just Remy told Clit Notes you don't have to outrun the bulls, you just have to outsmart them, then almost immediately was gored by Testicular.
Accusations continued with Snatchchat accusing Clockwork of having a flagpole between his legs (at least we weren't in a lightning storm). Then Chunderellie suggested sending Just Remy into circle for a naming. Suggestions included Begging For It and Desperation Dildo, but neither stuck, and in fact the whole naming was pretty lackluster with nobody in the pack asking him any questions, so he was thrown back. Quarter Mile Queer was accused of autohashing, he tried to convince us that he was there the whole time and he was just being quiet, but nobody bought it. C*ntcussion accused anyone who was gored by a walker--Holy Dumpster Fire, Wiki, and Clit Notes, then she had trouble closing her umbrella and she mixed up the numbers in a song, so she too had to drink. O'Boner accused anyone of not being gored, but everyone got gored at least once, so she drank for the false accusation.
Announcements included Fireball's Friday Moon pre-lube to the Red Dress Run starting at Magazine Beach, then QMQ said that while capacity for the RDR was reached, people could still donate to the charity. Barbie and I are haring a tutu trail on September 22, so order your tutus from Amazon now. Sign up for MisMan. Wiki's haring a trust me on June 18-19, 2022 (hey, isn't that around the time of Shortest Night Dumbest Trail?), and there will be another Cajun Hash Sitapede brought to us by Testicular at some point in the future. The bulls were spared a grizzly death at the hands of the matadors and everyone trickled home.
|July 21 Hash Trash
(3 months ago)
Swan Song Swan Drink
Hares: Tinder Dick, Full Frontal Fireball
Bag Car: Mourning Wood
Pack: Blue Balls Matter, Deflate Date, Edward Sissyhands, Extra Terresticle, Just Ethan, Just Harry, Just Joel, Just June, Just Matt, Just Namir, Just Shelly, Quarter Mile Queer, Roscoe Pee Cum Stain, Sex the Final Frontier, Strap On Strap Off, Testicular Mechanics, The Buttler Hit It, Virgin Ariel, Virgin Oscar, Wikipedophilia
Pre-lube: Hong Kong
Shot Check: Under the Suspension Bridge at Boston Public Garden
Beer Check 1: Under the Arthur Fiedler Footbridge
Beer Check 2: Chart House Parking Lot
On-in: End of Long Wharf
What a pre-lube tease. Do Me Decimal was on hand with their mother, Bama Bitch. Yankee Pay $5 More, who was very excited to demonstrate that he can almost comb over his hair, was on hand. And we also had Spunk in the Trunk join us. Unfortunately, the four did not do the trail, but it was still great to see them all. Being named Swan Song Swan Drink, some of us had a hunch trail would head toward the Swan Boats in the Public Garden, which it did. At the end of trail, someone brought the cooler to the parking lot behind the Chart House on Long Wharf where a few of us had a second beer check before quickly joining pack at the end of Long Wharf for the on-in. Not sure if it was actually supposed to be a beer check, but we treated it as such.
In circle, Sex and Blue Balls were FRB and FBI while Buttler and Deflate Date were co-DFLs. Sissyhands, Roscoe, and Just Joel drank for July birthdays, Just June transplanted from Beijing, and Roscoe visited from Burlington, Vt. Deflate Date, Just Shelly, Fireball, and Just Joel did their backsliding down-downs, then Wiki devirginized Virgin Ariel and Virgin Oscar. I did not catch any of their answers to the standard virgin questions, and they were not worthy, but we took them anyway.
Accusations started with Strap On Strap Off accusing Just Shelly, or "Just Nashua or Whatever" as he called her, for excessive y'alls on trail. This could have been a false accusation as New Hampshire is arguably culturally the southernmost state in New England, and the y'alls could have been acceptable, but the accusation stood and she drank for it. Testicular accused Quarter Mile of "pumping his legs" in the Commons, which meant that he tried really hard, and so he drank. Just Namir also came in for racist attire, making that two straight weeks for him, while all who participated in the Running Club with an Elevation Problem earlier in the day also drank. Fireball saved Tinder from getting snared, so she drank, then Quarter Mile drank for being surrounded by cops at the first beer check. The People Who Wake Up Super Early to Climb Stairs group drank again. Then Topless Barbie drank for sweat test failure. Blue Balls and I each drank for alcohol abuse, the hares were accused of cops at the on-in, and then all matching colors drank.
Announcements included karaoke at the Hong Kong, Beantown is looking for hares, Moon trail on the 30th with a RHPS or rather RHSM theme, Strap On Strap Off is haring next week's trail (with Luva I think), pay your hash cash, and Red Dress Run on August 7 with a registration deadline of July 30. It was the first of a few goodbye trails for Tinder Dick, so if you didn't have a chance to come to trail, you still have time to say bye to them. Be well and enjoy your weekends.
|July 14 Hash Trash
(3 months ago)
The Hash Cajunipede Trail
Hare: Testicular Mechanics
Bag Car: E = I'm a Douche
Pack: Angry Crotch, Cummie Sticks, Do Me Decimal, Dribbles, Edward Sissyhands, Extra Terresticle, Fellowship of the Cockring, Frosty the F*ckman, Goat Throat, Holy Dumpster Fire, Just Ali, Just Ethan, Just Harry, Just Matt, Just Namir, Luva Lamp, Mudslut, No Man on the Moon, Orgasm Famine, Po Po Peepshow, Puker Blooper, Sex the Final Frontier, Shits and Ladders, Silence of the Skinflute, Strap On Strap Off, The Buttler Hit It, Tinder Dick, Virgin Chris, Wikipedophilia
Pre-lube: Dana Square Park
Beer Check 1: Old Morse Park
Shot Check: BU Sargent Activities Center Parking Lot
Beer Check 2: Amory Playground
On-in: Magazine Beach
I'll start this by saying that you really can just walk a Testicular Mechanics trail and never be more than two blocks from the FRBs because every check is a challenge to solve. His trails are not poorly laid, he just makes you work for your beer. Or you can walk trail, have everyone else work for their beers, and be just three minutes behind the pack. And on a muggy night like last night, I chose the latter.
This trail was a hash cajunipede--every mark was a check and every check was a hash sitapede. This was all fine and well until I saw BN used as a check. Just imagine being on trail, seeing that, and thinking "Beer Near!" then immediately followed with "Oh no he didn't!"
The part of trail people will be talking about for ages will be his use of a feature that I have not seen done in my 12 years of hashing. He laid trail across the train tracks over the Charles River under the BU Bridge. These are live tracks, though I've never seen a train go faster than 5 mph on them. I'm not excusing his use of the tracks, just pointing out that had a train come through, any hashers on the bridge could have outran it. Some hashers did cross the tracks, while others went over the BU Bridge and met everyone on the other side. It was a bold move by the hare.
We circled up at Magazine Beach where "her hairs were all full of weeds from squatting in the sitapedes..." We welcomed Virgin Chris, from Cambridge, brought by Goat Throat. He was not worthy (he did show up in a CRC shirt), but we took him anyway. Sissyhands and Po Po drank for July birthdays. Then we moved on to accusations.
At this point, Shits wasted no time calling Just Ali into circle. He started off by accusing her of riding in a cop car to a drink check at the SNDT hash, but it was just a ruse to get her into circle for her naming. She entered the circle and the stories, questions, and name suggestions started flying. On last night's trail, she allegedly offered to give a harriette an IUD in an alley, which I thought could form the basis of a future business--Ali's IUDs in the Alley (in Your Alley?), LLC. I think we're on to something here. She has hashers in the family, but not her parents, they're Trumpers. She was asked to tell some embarrassing story, which she refused to share out of fear of her parents finding out. For real, she brought the pack to the precipice of hearing some really juicy details about herself, then left us all hanging. Names like Make Your Parents Disappointed Again, Cop Tease, and IUD Me in the Alley were offered, but one name was chosen above all others, so let's welcome Blue Balls Matter.
Accusations continued with one for those who did more than 69 hash sitapedes: Po Po, Fellowship, Tinder, and one other. (Surprisingly, those who did 0 hash sitapedes were never called in.) Just Harry was called in for a hash crash, though it was Just Ethan that went into circle to drink. Not sure if someone was confusing the two, they aren't quite CEP/Doucheland doppelgangers, but they are both bearded men with similar hair styles/colors. Goat drank for his virgin's faux pas of wearing a CRC shirt, as did Just Namir and Cummie Sticks for their racist attire. Goat was also accused of doing part of trail on a bicycle. Topless Barbie was called in for auto hashing. Then Sex accused Cummie Sticks of losing a $20 bill, his driver's license, and his credit card on the bridge. Wiki never saw a mark and was FRB to everything, so Testicular drank.
As for announcements, Tinder is doing a Swan Song Swan Drink next Wednesday at the Hong Kong, 50 Shades of Glaze is haring Beantown on Sunday from the Silhouette, Strap On Strap Off needs a cohare for the 28th, there's a finish the beer Ball Buster on the 24th, and a Red Dress Run on August 7th. If you've made it this far, thanks for reading. Leave any other announcements in the comments.