Boston Hash House Harriers

Hashing of the Bulls V? IX?

Hare: O'Boner

Bag Car: Snatchchat

Pack: Anal Disco, Chunderellie Chunderellie, Clit Notes, Cums Like Clockwork, C*ntcussion, Extra Terresticle, Full Frontal Fireball, Holy Dumpster Fire, Just Harry, Just Remy, No Man on the Moon, Sonic Bum, Testicular Mechanics, The Buttler Hit It, Wikipedophilia

Pre-lube: Charlie's Kitchen

Beer check: Corporal Burns Playground

Wine check: Dana Square Park

On-in: Fort Washington Park

Last night, O'Boner brought back a popular theme: Hashing of the Bulls. Like the Festival of San Fermin in Pamplona, most of the hashers dressed in white with red bandanas while a few hashers wore darker colors and played the part of the bulls, "goring" hashers as they passed them on the street. I wish I brought my BAGGO patches because there was lots of red wine flowing on trail. If a bull were to gore a member of the pack, not only were they marked with a neon colored sticker, but they were also treated to the baggo. Playing the part of the bulls were Chunderellie and Testicular, while C*ntcussion and Disco acted as walking bulls.

Comments on trail included not enough goring, too much goring, not enough rain, too much rain, not enough baggo, and too much baggo. Wiki was the FRB and Disco also drank, though I did not catch why. Buttler and the bulls drank for being DFLs, even though the bulls were actually the third and fourth hashers into the on-in. (Not going to try to figure that one out either.) All who celebrated a birthday between last night and the last trail they ran drank--a group that included Just Harry, Snatchchat, Sonic Bum, and Disco. Then the backsliders drank, namely Snatchchat, Sonic Bum, and Disco.

Buttler accused the RA of the weather (rain), then Wiki, Sonic Bum, and Clit Notes drank for same shirts--though Wiki's shirt had seen brighter days. Clockwork drank for alcohol abuse, which I think was because he almost decapitated people with the baggo. Fireball accused the walking bulls of being bulls but having no baggo on the first leg of trail. Then Clit Notes accused the running bulls of being outwitted by a Just (Remy). Apparently Just Remy told Clit Notes you don't have to outrun the bulls, you just have to outsmart them, then almost immediately was gored by Testicular.

Accusations continued with Snatchchat accusing Clockwork of having a flagpole between his legs (at least we weren't in a lightning storm). Then Chunderellie suggested sending Just Remy into circle for a naming. Suggestions included Begging For It and Desperation Dildo, but neither stuck, and in fact the whole naming was pretty lackluster with nobody in the pack asking him any questions, so he was thrown back. Quarter Mile Queer was accused of autohashing, he tried to convince us that he was there the whole time and he was just being quiet, but nobody bought it. C*ntcussion accused anyone who was gored by a walker--Holy Dumpster Fire, Wiki, and Clit Notes, then she had trouble closing her umbrella and she mixed up the numbers in a song, so she too had to drink. O'Boner accused anyone of not being gored, but everyone got gored at least once, so she drank for the false accusation.

Announcements included Fireball's Friday Moon pre-lube to the Red Dress Run starting at Magazine Beach, then QMQ said that while capacity for the RDR was reached, people could still donate to the charity. Barbie and I are haring a tutu trail on September 22, so order your tutus from Amazon now. Sign up for MisMan. Wiki's haring a trust me on June 18-19, 2022 (hey, isn't that around the time of Shortest Night Dumbest Trail?), and there will be another Cajun Hash Sitapede brought to us by Testicular at some point in the future. The bulls were spared a grizzly death at the hands of the matadors and everyone trickled home.

Hares: Tinder Dick, Full Frontal Fireball

Bag Car: Mourning Wood

Pack: Blue Balls Matter, Deflate Date, Edward Sissyhands, Extra Terresticle, Just Ethan, Just Harry, Just Joel, Just June, Just Matt, Just Namir, Just Shelly, Quarter Mile Queer, Roscoe Pee Cum Stain, Sex the Final Frontier, Strap On Strap Off, Testicular Mechanics, The Buttler Hit It, Virgin Ariel, Virgin Oscar, Wikipedophilia

Pre-lube: Hong Kong

Shot Check: Under the Suspension Bridge at Boston Public Garden

Beer Check 1: Under the Arthur Fiedler Footbridge

Beer Check 2: Chart House Parking Lot

On-in: End of Long Wharf

What a pre-lube tease. Do Me Decimal was on hand with their mother, Bama Bitch. Yankee Pay $5 More, who was very excited to demonstrate that he can almost comb over his hair, was on hand. And we also had Spunk in the Trunk join us. Unfortunately, the four did not do the trail, but it was still great to see them all. Being named Swan Song Swan Drink, some of us had a hunch trail would head toward the Swan Boats in the Public Garden, which it did. At the end of trail, someone brought the cooler to the parking lot behind the Chart House on Long Wharf where a few of us had a second beer check before quickly joining pack at the end of Long Wharf for the on-in. Not sure if it was actually supposed to be a beer check, but we treated it as such.

In circle, Sex and Blue Balls were FRB and FBI while Buttler and Deflate Date were co-DFLs. Sissyhands, Roscoe, and Just Joel drank for July birthdays, Just June transplanted from Beijing, and Roscoe visited from Burlington, Vt. Deflate Date, Just Shelly, Fireball, and Just Joel did their backsliding down-downs, then Wiki devirginized Virgin Ariel and Virgin Oscar. I did not catch any of their answers to the standard virgin questions, and they were not worthy, but we took them anyway.

Accusations started with Strap On Strap Off accusing Just Shelly, or "Just Nashua or Whatever" as he called her, for excessive y'alls on trail. This could have been a false accusation as New Hampshire is arguably culturally the southernmost state in New England, and the y'alls could have been acceptable, but the accusation stood and she drank for it. Testicular accused Quarter Mile of "pumping his legs" in the Commons, which meant that he tried really hard, and so he drank. Just Namir also came in for racist attire, making that two straight weeks for him, while all who participated in the Running Club with an Elevation Problem earlier in the day also drank. Fireball saved Tinder from getting snared, so she drank, then Quarter Mile drank for being surrounded by cops at the first beer check. The People Who Wake Up Super Early to Climb Stairs group drank again. Then Topless Barbie drank for sweat test failure. Blue Balls and I each drank for alcohol abuse, the hares were accused of cops at the on-in, and then all matching colors drank.

Announcements included karaoke at the Hong Kong, Beantown is looking for hares, Moon trail on the 30th with a RHPS or rather RHSM theme, Strap On Strap Off is haring next week's trail (with Luva I think), pay your hash cash, and Red Dress Run on August 7 with a registration deadline of July 30. It was the first of a few goodbye trails for Tinder Dick, so if you didn't have a chance to come to trail, you still have time to say bye to them. Be well and enjoy your weekends.

Hare: Testicular Mechanics

Bag Car: E = I'm a Douche

Pack: Angry Crotch, Cummie Sticks, Do Me Decimal, Dribbles, Edward Sissyhands, Extra Terresticle, Fellowship of the Cockring, Frosty the F*ckman, Goat Throat, Holy Dumpster Fire, Just Ali, Just Ethan, Just Harry, Just Matt, Just Namir, Luva Lamp, Mudslut, No Man on the Moon, Orgasm Famine, Po Po Peepshow, Puker Blooper, Sex the Final Frontier, Shits and Ladders, Silence of the Skinflute, Strap On Strap Off, The Buttler Hit It, Tinder Dick, Virgin Chris, Wikipedophilia

Pre-lube: Dana Square Park

Beer Check 1: Old Morse Park

Shot Check: BU Sargent Activities Center Parking Lot

Beer Check 2: Amory Playground

On-in: Magazine Beach

I'll start this by saying that you really can just walk a Testicular Mechanics trail and never be more than two blocks from the FRBs because every check is a challenge to solve. His trails are not poorly laid, he just makes you work for your beer. Or you can walk trail, have everyone else work for their beers, and be just three minutes behind the pack. And on a muggy night like last night, I chose the latter.

This trail was a hash cajunipede--every mark was a check and every check was a hash sitapede. This was all fine and well until I saw BN used as a check. Just imagine being on trail, seeing that, and thinking "Beer Near!" then immediately followed with "Oh no he didn't!"

The part of trail people will be talking about for ages will be his use of a feature that I have not seen done in my 12 years of hashing. He laid trail across the train tracks over the Charles River under the BU Bridge. These are live tracks, though I've never seen a train go faster than 5 mph on them. I'm not excusing his use of the tracks, just pointing out that had a train come through, any hashers on the bridge could have outran it. Some hashers did cross the tracks, while others went over the BU Bridge and met everyone on the other side. It was a bold move by the hare.

We circled up at Magazine Beach where "her hairs were all full of weeds from squatting in the sitapedes..." We welcomed Virgin Chris, from Cambridge, brought by Goat Throat. He was not worthy (he did show up in a CRC shirt), but we took him anyway. Sissyhands and Po Po drank for July birthdays. Then we moved on to accusations.

At this point, Shits wasted no time calling Just Ali into circle. He started off by accusing her of riding in a cop car to a drink check at the SNDT hash, but it was just a ruse to get her into circle for her naming. She entered the circle and the stories, questions, and name suggestions started flying. On last night's trail, she allegedly offered to give a harriette an IUD in an alley, which I thought could form the basis of a future business--Ali's IUDs in the Alley (in Your Alley?), LLC. I think we're on to something here. She has hashers in the family, but not her parents, they're Trumpers. She was asked to tell some embarrassing story, which she refused to share out of fear of her parents finding out. For real, she brought the pack to the precipice of hearing some really juicy details about herself, then left us all hanging. Names like Make Your Parents Disappointed Again, Cop Tease, and IUD Me in the Alley were offered, but one name was chosen above all others, so let's welcome Blue Balls Matter.

Accusations continued with one for those who did more than 69 hash sitapedes: Po Po, Fellowship, Tinder, and one other. (Surprisingly, those who did 0 hash sitapedes were never called in.) Just Harry was called in for a hash crash, though it was Just Ethan that went into circle to drink. Not sure if someone was confusing the two, they aren't quite CEP/Doucheland doppelgangers, but they are both bearded men with similar hair styles/colors. Goat drank for his virgin's faux pas of wearing a CRC shirt, as did Just Namir and Cummie Sticks for their racist attire. Goat was also accused of doing part of trail on a bicycle. Topless Barbie was called in for auto hashing. Then Sex accused Cummie Sticks of losing a $20 bill, his driver's license, and his credit card on the bridge. Wiki never saw a mark and was FRB to everything, so Testicular drank.

As for announcements, Tinder is doing a Swan Song Swan Drink next Wednesday at the Hong Kong, 50 Shades of Glaze is haring Beantown on Sunday from the Silhouette, Strap On Strap Off needs a cohare for the 28th, there's a finish the beer Ball Buster on the 24th, and a Red Dress Run on August 7th. If you've made it this far, thanks for reading. Leave any other announcements in the comments.

Hare: Swedish Eagle

Bag Car: C*ntcussion

Pack: Blondie McF*cksalot, Body in Lotion, Edward Sissyhands, Extra Terresticle, Fellowship of the Cockring, Goat Throat, Just Harry, Luva Lamp, Marbellous Asshole, No Man on the Moon, O'Boner, Po Po Peepshow, Sex the Final Frontier, Silence of the Skin Flute, Sketchy Ho, Strap On Strap Off, Testicular Mechanics, The Buttler Hit It, The Second Cumming, Wikipedophilia

Pre-lube: Pizzeria Regina at Station Landing

Shot Check: Train tracks behind the August A. Busch plant

Beer Check: Morrison Park

On-In: Fellsmere Pond

To mark the Swedish Midsummer, forget the aquavit, the poles, the hopping like frogs, the cinnamon buns, or the picking herring, our hare gave us a little bit of Thor (lightning and thunder), mixed with a touch of Loki (mischief and chaos, or what we in Boston like to say, a shiggy trail). He took us over train tracks through greenery like the branches of Yggdrasil. Treated us to an aquavit that I really enjoyed. Led us to a beer check where we witnessed a glorious lightning show. Then like a Norse god, he had an epic hash crash that slashed up his arm, and he still finished laying the trail! A trip to urgent care and 14 stitches later and he now has his own lightning shaped scar to show for it.

I didn't catch too much of what happened. I went into the last bit of shiggy with Just Harry and Body in Lotion and we managed to find a check in flour by a fence that was bent over. I crawled across the fence only to find a large parking lot with a police car circling it. Figuring that was not a direction I wanted to continue in, we walked out of the woods and started zenning around the park before we found trail again. That might have been around the place where Sweagle had his hash crash. Allegedly, he bloodied himself up, then laid trail to the on-in where there were two Malden PD cruisers already on the scene breaking up a gang of teens who were lighting fireworks. After presenting ourselves as an innocent running club, Sweagle asked the cops if they had any gauze, so they stuck around and helped bandage him up. They drove off and we circled up.

In circle, I didn't catch the comments, but Sweagle led about two-thirds of the pack over to a trio of tall flag poles where he demonstrated the hoppity hop dance and got everyone over there to join along. It was only two-thirds of the pack because there was still an active lightning storm overhead and those flag poles were about 50 feet tall. O'Boner drank for her birthday; Second Cumming, No Man, and Sketchy were FRB, FBI, and DFL in some order; Silence of the Skin Flute, Blondie, Sex the Final Frontier, Second Cumming, and Strap On all drank for backsliding, and we had no virgins so it was on to accusations.

Blondie kicked things off by accusing Wiki of being Wiki, which our RA deemed false, so Blondie drank. Sweagle drank for a hash crash so bad he needed help from the local 5-0. Wiki accused everyone who didn't get yelled at by the cops, which was basically the part of pack that lingered on the second leg of trail to watch the fireworks at Trum Field. Then O'Boner accused everyone who got hit by stinging nettles. Around this time, like Heimdall swooping the Marvel heroes away with the Bifrost, my transportation arrived, so I missed the rest of circle, but if you have announcements, throw them below in the comments.

Hares: Dribbles, Topless Barbie

Bag Car: E = I'm a Douche

Pack: Clitoris Notes, Cums Like Clockwork, Extra Terresticle, Fellowship of the Cockring, Full Frontal Fireball, Just Ali, Just Harry, Just Joel, Just Remy, Mudslut, No Man on the Moon, Panic at the Dildo, Po Po Peepshow, Sketchy Ho, Snatchchat, Spunk in the Trunk, Testicular Mechanics, The Buttler Hit It, Virgin Ethan, Virgin Jennie, Virgin Kagan

Pre-lube: Cambridge Common

Beer Check: Riverside Press Park

Shot Check: Vail Ct Parking Lot

On-in: Cambridge Common

After the heat and rain from earlier this week subsided, the pack expected a treat at last night's Cambridge-based trail, but instead were given tricks from the hares. It started when trail turned into Harvard Yard before leading to a locked egress. Sketchy examined the lock and felt confident that it was Dribbles' bike lock. Not a big deal, there were plenty of other exits to leave from. We picked up the trail and found ourselves joined by a skateboarding virgin named Matt. Picking up a virgin on trail--a treat! But after singing one of our lewd songs at a song check, virgin Matt peaced out--a trick. Then trail continued over one of the bridges into Allston--a treat! Before counting back to the Cambridge side--a trick. But wait, another bridge to cross over the Charles on. Another count back? Not this time! An excuse to do a riverside death march before crossing back over to Cambridge at the next bridge down? Tricked again. On the back half of trail pack found the shot check, treats! Except for Clockwork's nip where the label was completely worn off, as if it had been left in a pants pocket on laundry day, tricked.

At circle, Snatchchat left early because she was scootering home, and wanted to get back while it was still light out. Comments on trail included not enough locked gates and not enough port-a-potties. I was the FRB while No Man and Just Ali were co-FBIs. Buttler was our DFL, but that was because he was distracted by the turkey in Harvard Yard. It would not be his only brush with wildlife on the night. Clockwork drank for his June birthday, then it was onto the virgins. Virgin Kagan (like the Supreme Court Justice) was brought by Clit Notes, except Kagan called him Clitoris Notes. Virgin Ethan found us on the internet, and Panic at the Dildo brought Virgin Jennie. Po Po led the dementing and asked the virgins what advice they would give to a bachelorette for her wedding, to which they answered do not clench, bring a friend, and have fun. They weren't worthy, but we took them anyway.

During accusations, Panic at the Dildo accused Just Remy of having a dildo in his backpack. It was one of those push tubes that you compress to squirt liquid out of, and it was indeed shaped like a penis. He struggled to fill it with beer, at which point Just Ali, who has professional experience with specula, helped show him how to handle his insertion tool. He drank his down-down from the dildo tube to all of our amusement. Remy hadn't hashed for two years, but if he sticks around this time, keep this story in mind for his naming.

I was then accused for sprinting to the shot check, but that's because I had inside info that there were some decent shots in there. Testicular accused Just Ali of trying to recruit the skater boy before saying see you later boy. Then Just Remy, Douche, and Clit Notes drank for backsliding. Now remember Buttler and the wildlife? At some point in circle he saw two hares in the darkness, and Buttler being Buttler, he gave chase around Cambridge Common. So we accused him of hare coitus interruptus. Clitoris Notes was then accused of bringing an anthrax expert to trail, which gives us something to ask Virgin Kagan about next time we see him.

Just Ali was accused of alcohol abuse at the beer check--she only had half her beer before we were on-out, but that was really my fault for having a conversation with her that was so engaging she forgot she was holding a drink. So I joined her for the down-down. As did Buttler for some reason. The hares were accused of saying there wouldn't be any tit checks or dick checks on trail, then laying them anyway. (I guess that's one trick that turned out to be a treat.) Lastly, Buttler proxy drank for Snatchchat's early departure.

Announcements on the night included Dribbles' Beantown trail on Sunday starting from the Beacon Hill Pub, a trail on July 14 that will be exclusively laid in hash sitapedes, and antibuffett. On a personal note, honor to all the veteran hashers I overheard welcoming and getting to know our 7 combined Virgins and Justs.