Hash Trash
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The Quadrennial JP Hash | A Magical Butter-Wiki Codeshare | PooF "Returns" (A Boston marathon pre-lube trail) | An easy orgasm trail trash | Last Official Wednesday Trail of the Year!
| The Quadrennial JP Hash
(8 years ago)
What: The Quadrennial JP Hash
Where: JP? Specifically Cafe Luna, or something
Who:
Hares: Goat Throat, Goes Down on Bouys
Bag Car: Show Me the Penis
Pack:
Bring Out the Gimp, Salty Mudflaps, DUI Done Right, Easy as 123, Shits and Ladders, Orgasm Falmon, Luva Lamp, E=ImaDouche, Not Dead Yet, Skethcy Ho, CEP, The Butler Hit It, Wikipedophilia, Friar Fuck, Lobster Cock (?? transplant from EDW), Virgin Someone, Krusty the Meatmiser, Blowbot, Fellowship of the Cockring...others I’m forgetting.
Start:
Was at a very nice bar. Everyone agreed that JP was a great place to live, probably, but was wicked far from work and friends...
Trail Part The First:
Chalk talk was lead by Krusty and we went over a bunch of marks, some of which we would see and others of which we would not. We explained most of them to the virgin, and tried to go over pack marks, though that wasn’t entirely helpful as most of the chalk left to us by the hares was of the dark and not easily visible type, as we had assumed that the hares had taken the brightly colored chalk for themselves. Side note; they hadn’t, but more on that later.
Trail ran straight through the not-quite-a-brewery complex and up a set of stairs. I had attempted racist behaviour earlier in the day and my legs were protesting more than, well, it’s hard to finish that joke without offending anyone, so just understand that they were protesting, and the stairs did not help matters. Wow, that was quite the tangent, anyway, there was a very cheerful family with a mother leading her children in chants of “keep running, the zombies are coming!” as we ran up the stairs. As DFL I was lemming pretty hard, so was saved when 90% of pack hit a pretty long YBF as trail actually righted, um, left, I think, and crossed over the train tracks into more central JP. There was a series of switchbacking turns leading us up hill and past a deliciously smelling Cuban restaurant, eventually to a song check in front of a church. Either my sobriety of 4 straight days of hashing confused me to the point of thinking that it was Thrusday yesterday (it wasn’t, it was Tuesday), so I tried to sing a Jesus saves verse about pharacies, and was properly mocked. Once all of pack (minus the walkers, fuck them), caught up trail countied through the courtyard of the chruch to what was a T/E split, but had been crossed out and replaced with S/S, then one of the S’s had been crossed out with another T. My vague directional awareness took hold of me and when I saw a downhill for the eagles and and uphill for turkeys, I decided to take the turkey, guessing that our short uphill would be better than whatever the eagles were going to have to do, and I was correct. The hill wasn’t very long and before we were running down hill towards the emerald neckalce, at which point pack began playing everyone’s favourite game “guess which beer check they’re using.” Our guesses and marks eventually lead us to a beer check ontop of a hill near a pond.
Beer Check #1: (IE, where are the walkers?)
Waiting for us at the beer check was warmer than air-temperature PBR, aggressively salted salt and vineger chips, water, and no walkers. The eagles showed up moments after the turkey’s cracked their beers, but by the time we had finished the walkers were still a no-show, so we had another round and kept waiting. Eventually they strolled in, drunk and giving 0 fucks, as walkers as known to do, and we promptly set off on the next leg of trail.
Trail Phase B:
Being well marked (actually the whole trail was) on the exit to the beer check, trail crossed a road then turned back into the emerald necklace park and then did a half a loop around Jamaca Pond before a Hash Sitapeed (the check was misspelled), by the boat house. Fellowship demurred saying that it was “above his thermal tolerance” or whatever that means, but the hash is challenge by choice so we sat on each other’s laps without him. Trail from there crossed the street and meandered through the more suburban part of JP past many helpful muggles - “They went that way!” before coming to a song check on center street, at which, in honor of the transplant from EDW, we sang “Days of the Week” to the confusion of the locals. We then ran down centre street for a few blocks attracting more comments “those people are weird” before turning left and heading for some more light hills near a church type thing. There was a check and stairs and a tit check, then a dick check, more stairs and shoots near on the green way. Shots were fireball, so pack gingerly sipped then shied away from and continued down the green way, with only slight alteration in course towards the Arboretum. We ran past a lady who, while walking a dog, exclaimed “You’re hashers!” “We are” we replied and she said that she’d known of us in the past, so we yelled the website and ran on towards a beer near by forest hills station and a quick sprint through light shiggy (apparently there was a path) to the ONIN.
ONIN:
Pizza, bags, and beer were delivered, devoured, drunk and discarded. Eventually afer the quiet of mastication had descended over pack Krusty stepped forward and lead us in circle. The Hares were called for laying a surprisingly good trail, and made to drink for trying to revive a hash. FRB (that’s me!) and FBI (easy) were called in and we were told we were number one, but people were flipping us off, so it was confused messaging. DFL(s) were called in next and that group numbered almost a dozen, and we sang to them as well. The virgin, looking very confused, was called in a Clit Notes demented her; she wasn’t good at math, likes corduroy powder, and would get off a bus of lesbians, she isn’t worthy, but we took her anyway as a just. Salty was called in for sowing about half a dozen happy coats, then everyone who had a happy coat sewed by her was called in and we all drank. There were more accusations, and I was a frequent target, but all in all it was a great night for drinking in the woods, and that’s what we did. With circle running out of steam (and beer), we swang low.
On - 4 more years - On
-Wikipedophilia
Announcments:
All marathon trails are on:
Moon trail tonight - Charlies Kitchen in Harvard Square, 6:30HST
Beaver trail tomorrow - Marks from Alewife, 6:30 HST
Friday Cumbridge H3 presents it’s 6.9th beer mile: North point park, 7pm HST, followed by Pub Crawl.
SATURDAY: MARATHON MAIN EVENT
Start is Kinsale Pub, Government Center, 12:30.
Sunday: Pink Taco Fat Boy
Start is TiTs in PORTER
Monday: BEER CHECK at mile 20, and ball buster run starting at 10 in JFK park by Harvard square (ending at the beer check)
July - Invihash
Labor Day weekend - Boston Islands campout?
November - Sadie?
December - Anti-buffet?
Januarary - Robbie Burns?
Feburary - Moon away?
March - Mardi Gras?
APRIL 2018: BOSTON MARATHON PRE-LUBE by the JP HASH!
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| A Magical Butter-Wiki Codeshare
(8 years ago)
What: A Magic Buttler Wiki Joint
Where: Mex Taco/Eddie C’s
Who:
Fellowship of the Cockring, Bring Out the Gimp, Show Me the Penis, Goes Down on Bouys, Certified Poop Accuntant, Dry Hose, O’Bon’r, Just Cylde, Anal Apologist, Motherload, Easy as 123, Orgaism Falmon, Sketchy Ho, Pop Cum Ear I’m Enfected, a virgin, others I probably forgot.
[Scribed by O’Bone’r]
[Edited by Wiki]
It’s Magical: A Buttler Wiki Joint Adventure
Oh was this Magical. Unicorns. Nice weather. But always be wary of a Wiki trail. This is a man that has his own mark for being lost. True to Wiki form start was confusing. First having to go ALL THE WAY TO MAVERICK! BLUE LINE! And even then once we got there we had to go ALL THE WAY ACROSS THE STREET to another bar because there were too many “families” in the first one. At the second bar, two of our valiant hashers were accosted by a local and were given his political views. Pre-lube was had, hares were gay, and we were off to chalk talk.
Chalk talk: ShowMe was the RA and she instructed us on a few new marks to be on the look out for. Some weird one that I can’t remember and a Map Check. The map check was met with a groan and so much complaining that most of pack wanted to walk away. Once the rioting settled, Buoys led the group in a warm-up of “Hi my name is Joe” and pack was away.
Pack ran around, found some marks, solved some checks, so typical hash stuff. I’d like to be more specific here but it’s Eastie and I have no idea where I was. There was supposed to be a check back up the side of the bikepath by miscommunication by the hares caused trail to split and be marked seperately from there to the Turkey/Eagle split. There was a lovely park by the water and we went through a pier where there was a turkey/ eagle split. Turkeys Forever. The eagles were treated to a mark, then a shots near, then another mark, then a shots really near, then another mark and a shots really very near, then, finially, at the end of the peir, shots. Pack seemed generally disgusted by the concocktion, but I quiet enjoy it; it was moxie and rum, though I will say it’s much better on the rocks...anyway... After the pier, we stumbled onto Beer Check #1
BC#1 was in a park! Swings were swung on and the beer was good. It was a lovely day. We hung around and were reunited with our walkers. The hares leisurely took off (and stole CPA and some pita bread) We watched them walk in the distance and then took off ourselves.
We headed in the direction of the airport and eventually came upon the Map Check. The maps were left for us by the hares and were 8 pages of color pictures and directions to make it through the airport to the C terminal Chapel. Noting the lack of spelling mistakes, I assumed that Buttler must have made the maps. Following the map into the parking garage we made our way through stairs, moving walkways, elevators, a fascinating look at mental illness (in the airport, really?) all the way to the Chapel. CPA was waiting for us with bread and wine.
Our map then directed us to take the FREE Silver line to South Station, switch to the Red to Davis. Thankfully we had everyone with us and began the long trek in a BUS on a beautiful day. We made it to the Red line inbound and a wild Luva appeared with shots! We drank a bunch of them and rage trained back to Davis. Super sercret guest hare Shart of Darkness laid trail from Davis to the beer check on the bike path. We eventually made it to an uneventful BC#2 and then back to Buttler’s house for On-In.
Circle: Down Downs were had to the hares. Wiki was called in for everything. Django drank all of our beer. Food was good.
Walkers trail: I heard it sucked and they had to Uber. There were two basic miscommunications, and questionable reading of txts.
That’s it! See you soon Sunday trails!
O’Bone’R
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| PooF "Returns" (A Boston marathon pre-lube trail)
(8 years ago)
What: PooF trail #eighty something
Where: A dirt road in a park in Rhode Island
Who:
Hare: O’Boner (#50?)
Pack:
Bleeps (Founder), Nips (Founder), Counterfeit Dick (#6), The Butler Hit It (#9), Bring Out the Gimp (#12), Wikipedophilia (#42), Too Short To Tuck (#48?), Easy as 123, No Man on the Moon
Essentially walking trail:
With the long winter recess the 2pm sharp part of hares away as quietly ignored as the hare strolled off at a leisurely pace at or around 2:15, and we finished our start beers and walked after her a few minutes later. Trail followed the path along the stream until it got to a check, which Counterfeit and I decided to scout up the hill (hash runs uphill), though trail was called straight down the path. We paralleled the trail for a while, running through the underbrush, but still being outpaced by those walking on the trail so we give up the high land and rejoined pack for a check at the whichy-way, and, after scouting wrong again, rejoined them a second time as they stuck to the low ground along the river. We hadn’t started running yet, and were walking causally to a fork where the trail cross the longest actual hiking trail in rhode island - the north south trail - and we followed that to a check at a footbridge over a tributary stream to the main body of water we were running along. Having just hit our stride, the hare thought the bridge would be a good break and turn us finally uphill and upstream to a surprisingly close beer cheek.
Nothing of note happened at the beer check; I learned that it’s acceptable to pee near a river, but not in it? The morality of that judgement illuded me. Remembering that PooF has running beer checks we finished our beers and ran off into a thicket of rhodedendrons.
Running along a river and being scared:
After dodging through a rather thick thicket of rhodeys we emerged back on the main trail running along the river, and finally were able to get our legs churring and keep a respectable running pace. Well, it wasn’t really running, it was a combination of high stepping and leaping from boulder to boulder along the trail, all the while dodging over millions of little rivulets which crossed the trail every 10 yards or so. We had been doing this for a while when we go to a check that had a market false into a raging river and then a song check on a rock. Sensing that pack could use a break, Counterfiet launched into a song about the perils of being a jelly fish on a rock. It was an apt metaphor for something, but I really don’t care what. Trail from there continued on and eventually crossed the river on a bridge populated by local high schoolers who I think were out taking selfies? It was a confusing time for all involved. There was a check on the other side of the bridge that did not asset in lessening the confusion. The FRBs - Counterfiet, Easy, No Man, Butler and I, were sufficiently confused that we were running around it litteral half circles (because of the river) until the walkers caught up and pointed “Um, guys, there are marks right down there.” Sufficiently embarrassed we took off in the indicated direction until we got to a dirt road. I checked right and saw nothing, then checked left and, taking Easy and No Man with me, ran a very jog up a hill, then a right turn back into the woods to find easy looking quizikaly at a mark that was clearly some form of a check back 8. No one else had followed so we ran back and turned into the woods, not catching up with pack until we were almost at the second beer check. Oh, we ran past a pair of dudes out on a camp out weekend in the Rhode Island woods - they were cooking some form of meat and drinking non-shitty beers as we ran past.
Beer Check the Second:
It was a beer check; we drank.
A merciful trail down hill.
I know it sounds too good to be true, but the entire last leg of trail was down hill, either on switch-backing trails or straight through the woods. I was following the surprisingly lithe and limber form of Gimp bounding, heedless of his name, through the woods. There was a group hug that I ran past and one time I tried to jump off a rock with the support of a tree, but the tree snapped and in a very inelegant way, we - it and I - kind of fell haphazardly to the ground. Luckily no one saw us. Trail eventually went back out to the road, and I started an open-legged sprint to the cars, but saw a check and veered hard back into the woods. I found no more marks, but I did run into Easy and No Man and the three of us walked back to the cars, essentially being DFLs.
Circle:
Was held by the river. The hare was called in and drank for responding to a facebook post suggesting a restart of this quasi-retired kennel. That didn’t actually happen, but this is a post-fact world, and being scribe has some powers. She then sang a surprisingly good song which I liked but didn’t know. FRBs were called in - Counterfiet and Nips - and they drank, then Easy and No Man were called in for DFLing and Counterfiet came back for having gone to 60 (i think) of these trails. I don’t remember that many other accusations, though I tried to make some and ended up drinking for illegal accusations?
That was it.
On - one down, eight to go - On
-Wikipedophilia, #42
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| An easy orgasm trail trash
(8 years ago)
What: An easy orgasm trail
Where: The Field, Central
When: Sunday 3/5
Who:
Hares: Easy as 123, Orgasm Falmon
Bag Car: Spunk in the Trunk
Pack:
Motherload, Wikipedophilia, Bottom Wrangler, Can’t Eat Pussy, Fellowship of the Cockring, Clit notes, Just Alec, Virgin Andrew, Virgin Hole in Her Pants, Anal Apologist (I think?), Shektchy Ho, E=ImADocuhe, The Butler Hit It, O’Boner, Not Dead Yet, Dribbles, Goes Down on Bouys, Shits and Ladders, probably others.
Start: Was at the field, which is a great little bar in central and was empty when we arrived and was empty again when we left. It warrents a mention in this because of how they serve tea; the tea pot is ontop of the cup! It looks really cool and is something I need to find. Multiple people were sipping their beers complaining of hang overs, and, lucky for them, one of the tenants of the hash is to cure hangovers!
Chalk talk- Was held in the sunny parking lot, because it was cold. I forgot to go over pack marks, but we all got lost enough it didn’t really matter.
Trail Zig-Zag:
Much to our surprise, the hares confused the host kennel as “zig zag” not boston, as we spent about half the time dodging from one side of the street to the other. Secondarily, the sun, which was blindingly bright but bitterly cold, made seeing marks relatively hard, and as a result on more than one occasion we overran checks and called back to last mark before finding the check and scouting trail. There was a song check in front of the old River Gods, and we sang one in honor of that great bar. Trail continued to meadaner through Cambridgeport, zigging and zagging until we eventually got to the Beer Check at Magazine beach.
Beer check (surprisingly good beer):
Left overs from previous hashes were pooled into a single cooler of surprisingly good, and varried beer. There was high life, pbr and bud heavy, but also stouts, alcoholic root beer and maybe even a wine cooler or two. The lack of marks were forgiven of the hares, and we happily drank in the sun as they ran away.
Trail Windtunnels, but not actual tunnels:
Leaving the beer check Not Dead Yet scouted over the BU bridge, but didn’t find anything; trail continued along memorial drive past goose shit park and turn left behind the hyatt. Your humble scribe was, in the most brilliant mindset and was following a virgin who was scouting and who over ran a check by Washington park. This check confused the bejesuss out of every body and each direction was scouted multiple times, with most of the lemmings and wandering slowly down the road towards the MIT track. Trail, however, turned right towards a tit check and a run behind the MIT dorms. After a shot check, which was surpisingly tasty (described, by the hares, as “unicorn piss”), trail turned out to memorial drive a block before the bridge, then turning back into the MIT campous for a set of song checks (3 in a row), and, much to the packs disapointment, did not turn into the warm MIT tunnel system. Instead running more zigzags along Memorial drive before turning left again towards Kendal, to the second beer check.
Beer Check “Enjoy yourselves”
By the time we got to the beer check, after 3 checks that really confused pack, we were quiet severly split up, so Fellowship went back to rescue people - the faulty check was the last one along memorial drive, where some zenning hashers had approached the check no-no (coming in the out direction), so we never scouted that direction, and instead searched in ever widening circles towards the longfellow...anyway, eventually all were reunited and the hares dashed off for what they promised would be a “short last leg.”
Trail In the Wind:
I don’t know if it was the orientation of the building in Kendel or what, but there was a lot of wind on this leg, and since everyone “could guess” where we were headed, pack (or parts of pack) moved at a pretty good clip. There was a Turkey/Eagle split by a fence, with the Eagles hopping it and the Turkeys running around the block, and even though I called out “Turkey’s together, Turkey’s forever” it seems as though most people, including one of the virgins, took the eagle. This virgin is getting called out because the fence tore into her pants and ripped out her underwear. Remember that later for namings...a quick detour through east cambridge and we were running uphill to ONIN at Courtside.
ONIN:
The hares were brought in and comments were made; mainly about not being able to see marks, and trail zig-zagging at a non-zig-zag hash. It was the opinion of pack that they should’ve used more flour or chalk, and we made them aware of this. I don’t recall what they sung, maybe something about the size of their nipples and their necrophilac powers of their asses? Who knows. We then called in the virgins, and Spunk masterfully demented them; one was groomed and the other got dangerously close to making out with Goat, they’re horrible a math, but we taught them how to do down-downs and they are now Just whatever their names are at the top. That when opened circle up to accusations. The virgin (now just) was accused of blood on trail, so everyone who got injured drank. I was accused of multiple things, the most agrejous being that I didn’t inform my virgin not to wear new shoes, so I had to drink from my decidedly not new shoes. Analveresies were called in, 2 years, 7 year, 14 years, and these wonderful hashers were instructed to get a life. Speaking of getting a life, Butler and I were accused of hashing three days in a row. Around this time the sweet, sweet, smell of greesey cheese product ontop of editble cardboard could be detected by our olfactory senses so we quickly moved onto announcments, see blow; then we swang on.
On - all in all, a plain easy orgasm - On
-Wikipedophilia
Announcements:
Wednesday (3/8): Zig-Zag hash presents: Stroller hash for hashers in training! Foamy’s trying to start a family/kid friend hash for hashers who have reproduced! Start is at Friendly Toast in Kendel at 7pm.
Friday (3/10) - Pink Taco Trotters - Polar Whoretex Birthday trail. Start is Old Sullys in Charletown, $5...open to “people with vaginas or men who like sucking cocks on the reg” (or anyone with a sack-car pass).
Saturday (3/11): Boston Full Moon H3 - Hared by Amelia Airfart, start is in or near Forest Hills, $5, cranium cover, rage.
Sunday (3/12): Day-light raging time trail, start isn’t announced, but the website says “a brewery with brunch?”
Thrusday (3/16) - Krusty’s 12 year hashaversary Beer Mile! Details TBD, but save your sick days!
SIGN UP FOR MARATHON if you haven’t already:
If you have signed up for marathon but haven’t contacted Douche or Cum Ear about crash space do so now!
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| Last Official Wednesday Trail of the Year!
(9 years ago)
Last Official Wednesday Trail of the Year!
Hares: Shits and Ladders and LuvaLamp
Bag Car: A limping Butler
Pack: Wiki, Blackie, CEP, Easy as 123, Sex the Final Frontier, Bonor Donor, Just Ben, Just Roberto, Just Linda?, Just Andy, female just whose name I forget, O Bonor, Virgin we found outside prelube, transplant from Halve Mein, Dribbles, Clit Notes, Sloppy Thirds, Sloppy's just, more I forget
Hashers gathered on a lovely Wednesday evening at 21st amendment for the last “official” Wednesday trail of the year before we lose our excuse to get drunk mid-week. Prelube was a bit crowded and dark but we drank beers and made merry anyway. As we were loading our bags into bag car we found a runner on the street who was convinced to join us for the evening. Blackie and CEP showed our new Virgin friend the marks at chalk talk and we all ran off into the hills of Beacon Hill.
Trail went down the hill to the Bowdoin T stop. I am pretty sure I missed a group hug before it then weaved through back alleys and pathways to the Garden. We followed marks around the back of the Garden, came across some drugged up people standing on a tit check, and followed the narrow sneaky path under a bridge to the locks. A BN on our way into the dog park on the other side inspired speed in Bonor Donor who proclaimed his excitement over being towards the front of pack!
We drank Harpoon UFO pumpkin and PBR under a tree in the park. It was like a cute first date! Eventually we ran off under the Charlestown bridge towards the Coast Guard ship yard and into Charlestown. We briefly lost trail before someone found it again and led us up the hill to the big pointy phallic object someone built up there. I guess tourists call it Bunker Hill Monument but why do those things always look like a scary Penis? Washington monument has the same issue. I followed marks down the hill and through some driveways and alleys. Much of pack seemed to zen a bit. Eventually we found a BN at the bottom of some stairs leading up to a playground. As I opened my beer someone (sorry I was drunk so I forget who) came up to me and said why are there children on the swings at night?! I informed this distressed hasher that those were not children. They were hashers having a lovely evening ride on the swings. We drank our beers, the hares left, and after an appropriate amount of time we followed.
We ran down a big hill to some projects and up some stairs into one of the complexes. By we I mean trail did that and some people followed it. I stayed outside on the lawn and tried to figure out where trail exited the building to avoid the chance of neighborhood altercations. I found some drinking underage miscreants who informed me the people went that way. They were wrong so it took me a bit to find people again but after winding through a few more blocks I found pack at a hash sitapeed. They don’t feel nearly as easy when all of pack is at least 3 beers in but we didn’t all fall over and ran on. Before I knew it I was running up to Old Sully’s. ON-IN!
We piled into the back room and beer arrived. Eventually circle started. We sang to our hares, accused them of getting Wiki lost, finding too many hills, not enough projects, etc. They drank for their sins. Blacky and Easy were FRB and FBI. Someone who was not Butler was DFL. We welcomed our transplant to Boston and he sang to us about his time in cell block 4. The virgin was called in and congratulated / told he was stupid for staying with us all the way to the end. We asked him if he thought he was good at math. As he struggled to figure out the square root of 69 Dribbles told me about how she questions our American math education because people seem to struggle so much with that question. The Virgin somehow survived having Wiki as a sponsor, did his down-down and arose a virgin no more. Then I missed something and somehow we were singing S&M man. More stuff might have happened but I tune out as soon as we get to long songs in circle. Eventually we swang low and ate delicious BBQ roast beef sandwiches!
If you missed it you missed a fun trail!
Orgasm Famine
Announcements!!!
AGM!!!! is October 16th at 1pm, Prelube is Coppersmiths in South Boston
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